This last month I have been in a rut that I have been trying to climb myself out. It has been so tough and I cant hold myself up anymore and I don't have a wall to hold myself. People have been smashing that wall and tearing it to pieces. They have been breaking down my wall to see me break. I will never break I will find a way to hold stability and hold up. I need to find a way to start fighting back; actually I will find a way to break down their walls and see them crumble. But not all is bad there are so many things I want to be thankful for having in my life. I finally have a real person to some what call my own. I wish that I can completely call him my own. But I have finally saw who can help me build the wall back up and maybe a good thing will come to that wall being teared down. Maybe I will speak of what I feel or actually not be manipulated to the point of fantasy and a world of lies. I am not sure what is the truth and reality versus fantasy and the lies of the people who surround me. I feel that the people around me aren't sure of their reality. Its like their lies have become their life and it has consumed them to the point of no turning back. Their lies start to sound true to themselves.