Bitter

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I don’t want to be bitter, but I can’t help it. Why do things never go the way I plan? Things work out for other people, but somehow I’m always the one who gets screwed! A single person can only take so much disappointment in one lifetime. Disappointment is something I should be use to by now; then again, does anyone ever get use to such a brutal thing? I strongly believe disappointment has to be the worst feeling that a person can feel. Nothing compares to the anxiety and hope of wanting something so badly, and then out of the blue, it falls apart right in front of your face. No warning at all! Can you believe it? Disappointment- the story of my life.

I don’t consider myself to be a bad person. I’m probably the most moral eighteen year old girl I know. I don’t do drugs (I couldn’t afford them anyway.), drink (My gut is big enough as it is...like I need a “beer belly”?) , or have sex (I’ve never even so much as held hands with a boy.). It’s true that I may every now and then use a little bit of explicit language, but if you had as much disappointment in your life as I do, you’d understand. Then it seems that the most immoral scum of the Earth can get whatever they desire and then some. So do you see where I’m going with this? Why does it seem that people who actually abide by what is “right” are the people who get the “leftovers” of life? I will never fully understand why things happen the way they do.
The frustration of disappointment is what can make you completely lose all hope. Sometimes I feel as if I have lost all hope. That’s what so much disappointment can do to a person, especially a young person. They seem to think that life will never get better, no matter how determined they are. I think I am now at this stage of disappointment.

It sometimes feels as if everyone has completely abandoned me, even God. I don’t want this to seem like I am blaming God for my misfortune. I’m not entitled to point a finger at anyone, but myself. Is it really all my fault, though? Do I raise the stakes too high for myself to live by? Do I set myself up for disappointment? Maybe. Through all my past disappointments, I have learned to try not to get my hopes up so high, but after all, I am only human! I can’t help but look forward to some things. Give me a break! I wish someone would…





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