Before Sleep

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Last night before i went to sleep I thought of something I never ever thought before and so when the thought appeared in my head it didnt just appeared , it just sort of crashed into me. It was a "wow" moment. I realized that one day i'll be attending college (Oh, please let it be Smith) and one day i'll be graduating and becoming my profession and one day i'll be married to a very good man and have kids and grow old. I mean, of course i knew all of this but i never quite picked at it and analyzed it. One day i'll have grandchildern and i'll just be old. I wasnt thinking this in a remorseful way but as in amazement. It just didnt sound real to me, you know? I feel like i'm always going to be a teenager and i'm always going to rely on my parents to do-not everything, of course, but the "grownup" things in the house. I looked back when i was only ten and how juvenile i was and now i'm 16 and it doesnt feel like i'm going to be an adult soon. It's so unusual to me. The way time works is so crazy.

So, anyways, unfortunately, i share my room with my sister, Cass, and i kept repeating the word, "Wow" to myself out loud. She asked me why i was sounding like a retarded person and as i was telling her my epiphany something strange happened. Um..why were my eyes getting watery? Seriously, i had no idea why droplets of tears were streaming down my cheeks. Immediately i asked my sister, "Wait, Cass. I'm crying. Why am i crying?" Her supportive answer was: "I dont know. How am i supposed to know?" but then after a minute ago she replied to my question : "Maybe you dont want to be old because i know i dont. I'm gonna be ugly and i dont want that to happen to me!". Yeah, thanks, Cass. It was a weird feeling because i didnt feel sad about thinking of the future but then my eyes were wet. Tears of joy? Why? It's not as if i dont like how it is now.





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