Do you value your life?

January 13, 2012
By , Fenton, MI
Some people might wonder what death feels like. Of course not the sane happy go lucky people but people like me. The only difference is I know what it feels like.

I walked into my room at about 8:30 one night. Then I suddenly got light headed, like you get after you’ve run too far or smell something really strong. So thinking I was tired or feeling under the weather I laid down on my bed. Then I got this sudden and scary thought in my head it screamed, You’re going to die! It yelled it in my mind; my body didn’t feel right either.

When I was lying down and looked at the ceiling, which never happens, it felt like my soul was leaving my body. I actually smacked myself with a book where it felt like my soul was leaving. Now I thought it would hurt, but it didn’t the thing that scared me was that I didn’t feel a thing. My soul or life or whatever was leaving jumped back to my body.

At first I thought I was floating when my soul was leaving so I excuse the word, death gripped the sides of my bed. I also thought it could be a dream so I held my breath. Normally after about 20 seconds your mind wants air and you fight for it. Almost like an addiction you’d do anything for it. But I didn’t get the stinging sensation. The only thing I felt was the life leaving my body.

After a few minutes of seemingly fighting to stay alive I was paralyzed. Not permanently but for 15 minutes. I couldn’t move. I was to terrified to scream or call for help. After the 15 minutes of staring at the wall a gate opened and I was released. I was able to move. I didn’t dare walk down stairs to tel anyone. There were many things wrong with that. One the stairs and two, I’d probably be rushed to some mental hospital by my parents.

Instead I walked to the bathroom and decided to take a shower. I found no harm with that, I figured I could wash all the weird happenings away. After a few minutes I left my guard down and was rinsing my hair. Then I suddenly slipped and landed flat on my back. I now think of the fall as the ones in the movies when someone slips on a banana peel. Thankfully I didn’t smack my head, maybe I did and don’t remember, but that’s beside the point.

That night when I was safe in bed I had a dream that I was my own spirit. I was out of my body and hovering above looking at myself. That next day when I got up it was warm in the house. I put on my normal clothes and went to school. I was extra careful around stairs and sharp objects. I had weird chills all day. They were more of tingling sensations but let me explain them.

The tingling would start in the middle of my back like it does when someone runs there finger down your spine. Then it would spread to my arms. Nowhere else, just there, in my back and arms. It wasn’t the type of tingles that you get were you wiggle cause it tickles it was an eerie tingle. They lasted for the next two days. Earlier I fell down the stairs. Scared for my life I almost ninja like grabbed the bannister.

Now I’m here writing this. Hoping someone with understand that the feeling of death is now where near as exciting as you think. I used to wish for the day where I would get that feeling. But I never imagined it like this. Of course to assure I was never suicidal, but wanted to know the feeling. I can no longer feel my heart beat and I walked home for school today and I was out of breath. Nothing insane, like up hills, or running, just walking on flat black top.

To end this I should probably go to the hospital or something, but as long as I am “alive” I might as well live and not waste it in the E.R.





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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

Vespa said...
Jan. 24, 2012 at 12:32 am
Hey, so normally I would critique your writing, but the content is more what I'm worried about at the moment. You see, I think you might have some neurological disorder - epilepsy, a tumor, etc. - and if so, you really do need to go see a doctor. See, I've had countless seizures of multiple types, and one of those was in the shower. I fell down, blacked out, and when I woke up I couldn't move or feel my hand. The more severe seizures I've had often leave me not able to move anything for a while ... (more »)
 
goth_tomboychick replied...
Jan. 24, 2012 at 2:10 pm
Thanks I'll take your word. But it's only happened once and I am pretty sure I'm fine. I (as most writers and people do) exaggerated parts of it. But thank you again for you thoughts! I will defiantly take it into account.
 
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