Iron Box

September 14, 2011
You think as though you’re in a dark, alternate reality. All happiness has died off. There’s this pain, this heaviness, eating away at your core. The sun can be out, but you can’t feel it on your skin. You’re convinced that there is no light of day anymore.
There’s this heat in your heart… just this enormous fire burning out of your control. You heave heavily with every breath. Anybody and anything sets you off, like a ticking bomb. You want to lash out and attack everything you see that is in your way.
You’re so alone. Literally cut off from the world. All of your senses have died off. You can’t feel or touch. You can’t hear or understand. You can’t taste anything anymore. You can’t think straight. You can’t see. You’re so numb that you can’t feel the warmth of someone’s hand. Sometimes, you’re convinced as though you’re not even human anymore.
It’s like being locked inside an iron box. You fight and you bang and you pray that someone will hear you… set you free. Then, you come to believe that there is no one out there. That it’s just a nothing world that doesn’t need you. That doesn’t want you. It hits you that there’s nothing worth getting out of that box for. You feel as though there is nothing of any significance to fight for. And even if there is, it’s just not enough. Living like this isn’t worth it, whatever it may be. You realize that you’ve been waking up and finding no reason to be here. Until, one day, you just lay there. You do nothing. You can’t move. You can’t breathe. You are slowly dying just by the fact that you’re not doing anything… not living. You’ve come to the point where you’re as good as gone.
Things you used to be able to do are now useless memories. The things you enjoyed are meaningless. Everyone you loved, cherished, treasured… can you even remember their names anymore?
The pain of everyday life begins to take its toll on you. It just pushes and shoves you until you’re on the ground, in tears, begging for mercy. You’ve fought and gotten back up on your feet so many times that you can’t remember why anymore. You can’t remember the point of it all. You start to think that maybe it’s not meant to be. You weren’t made to live a good and happy life.
You’re faced with an ultimate choice. Should you leave everything and everyone you’ve ever loved in violent sobs? Or just suffer the maddening torture of having to wake up another day, living with this agony? No one can make the choice but you. Of course they’d all tell you not to. But the real question is… will you?

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This article has 30 comments. Post your own now!

sng1993 said...
Nov. 13, 2011 at 11:26 am
love this! I think everyone can relate to this in some way, and the ending is definitley powerful.
meaningful said...
Nov. 12, 2011 at 11:18 pm

Your not alone

The strength will overcome you

May God bless you


hobo12321 said...
Oct. 30, 2011 at 2:19 am
Your emotions were excellently conveyed, and the imagery was really amazing! If this comes from an actual experience, I hope wake up feeling a little better every day.
clumsyteardropper replied...
Nov. 14, 2011 at 8:42 pm
Thank you :)
Yes, this does come from actual experience.  I've been through this twice.  And yes, waking does feel a bit better now.
fiftiesgal467 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 29, 2011 at 11:42 am
Oh this is so terribly sad! I'm glad that you made the decision that you did! You did a nice job conveying how you felt. Keep posting your work!
P@in545 said...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 10:24 am
Omg!! Its amazing. i really like the way you write. And btw you should always choose life because when you hit rock bottom, it can only get better from there.
clumsyteardropper replied...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 2:06 pm
aw, thanks :)  that really means a lot to me.  thanks for the encouragment.
Hejlna said...
Sept. 22, 2011 at 6:13 am
You did a good job writing this. It's powerful and has a lot of meaning and truth. Keep writing!
clumsyteardropper replied...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 2:12 pm
hi again... i see you found my article. :)
thanks, i really appreciate your kind words.  and thank you for the sweet replies on that other article. :)  i'll remember you.
Hejlna replied...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 2:51 pm
I'll remember you too. :)
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