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Iron Box

You think as though you’re in a dark, alternate reality. All happiness has died off. There’s this pain, this heaviness, eating away at your core. The sun can be out, but you can’t feel it on your skin. You’re convinced that there is no light of day anymore.
There’s this heat in your heart… just this enormous fire burning out of your control. You heave heavily with every breath. Anybody and anything sets you off, like a ticking bomb. You want to lash out and attack everything you see that is in your way.
You’re so alone. Literally cut off from the world. All of your senses have died off. You can’t feel or touch. You can’t hear or understand. You can’t taste anything anymore. You can’t think straight. You can’t see. You’re so numb that you can’t feel the warmth of someone’s hand. Sometimes, you’re convinced as though you’re not even human anymore.
It’s like being locked inside an iron box. You fight and you bang and you pray that someone will hear you… set you free. Then, you come to believe that there is no one out there. That it’s just a nothing world that doesn’t need you. That doesn’t want you. It hits you that there’s nothing worth getting out of that box for. You feel as though there is nothing of any significance to fight for. And even if there is, it’s just not enough. Living like this isn’t worth it, whatever it may be. You realize that you’ve been waking up and finding no reason to be here. Until, one day, you just lay there. You do nothing. You can’t move. You can’t breathe. You are slowly dying just by the fact that you’re not doing anything… not living. You’ve come to the point where you’re as good as gone.
Things you used to be able to do are now useless memories. The things you enjoyed are meaningless. Everyone you loved, cherished, treasured… can you even remember their names anymore?
The pain of everyday life begins to take its toll on you. It just pushes and shoves you until you’re on the ground, in tears, begging for mercy. You’ve fought and gotten back up on your feet so many times that you can’t remember why anymore. You can’t remember the point of it all. You start to think that maybe it’s not meant to be. You weren’t made to live a good and happy life.
You’re faced with an ultimate choice. Should you leave everything and everyone you’ve ever loved in violent sobs? Or just suffer the maddening torture of having to wake up another day, living with this agony? No one can make the choice but you. Of course they’d all tell you not to. But the real question is… will you?




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eliana924This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 1, 2012 at 12:06 pm:
Wow. This is so heartwrenching. Wow. I hope that things are going better for you now! Your writing is so captivating! Just wow...
 
clumsyteardropper replied...
Jan. 1, 2012 at 1:40 pm :
Thanks, I try. ;) And yes, I am indeed doing better. Things deffinatly have improved :)
 
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starlightstarbrightThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 26, 2011 at 8:37 pm:
Hate to crash all y'alls conversation, but since Fred (may his magical self rest in peace) is dead, why don't you share the half-deaf yet awesome George?
 
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evFANescence_AmyLeeWannabeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 15, 2011 at 4:14 pm:
You're a fantastic writer!! I've felt like that many times before. [I've even cut.] It drove me to tears! [Your writing, that is.] So true, like "Do I Take My Life?" a false identity hides a dying soul... 'til you feel nothing anymore.
 
TubaLadyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 15, 2011 at 4:15 pm :
PS- I'm TubaLady. :)
 
clumsyteardropper replied...
Nov. 16, 2011 at 2:53 pm :
Thank you, oh you're too kind. :)  Yes, I, too, have cut (I'm trying to quit).  Those are times I know that I do not want to go back to... cuz I'm barely through it yet.
as you just said: "'til you feel nothing anymore"...so true.  Some of the reason that I cut was just to have a little bit of feeling and to feel like I had at least some control over something, you know what I mean? :/
 
TubaLadyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 17, 2011 at 8:06 am :
Yeah, you're so hollow inside you forget you're human so you need to find out. I was doing so well, [with cutting, that is], and I just did it again, recently. High school can be so rough. :(
 
clumsyteardropper replied...
Nov. 17, 2011 at 12:19 pm :
Yeah... I can understand that.  Qutting is just so hard.  Especially when you have too many reasons to why you do it, you know?
High school is pretty rough.  I'm homeschooled, but it does not make being high school any easier, to be honest with ya. :/  I'm in 10th, how about you?
 
clumsyteardropper replied...
Nov. 17, 2011 at 12:21 pm :
I meant "quitting" is just so hard.  Man, I hate this keyboard... it doesn't type all the letters
 
TubaLadyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 21, 2011 at 8:11 am :
I'm in 10th grade, too! I understand with your keyboard, I have days that I just stink at typing. Plus our school's keyboards are old and bad, so half the time, they may not even work.
 
TubaLadyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 21, 2011 at 8:13 am :
btw, tubalady818, I have gmail.
 
clumsyteardropper replied...
Nov. 21, 2011 at 8:29 am :
Really??  We have like soo much in common! :)  Yeah, it can get annoying... our downstair's keyboard that we just got is used, so it doesn't always work.
Okie dokie, thanks
 
TubaLadyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 22, 2011 at 8:00 am :
Okay, to clarify if God sent us for each other as friends... Do you like Harry Potter and Evanescence?
 
TubaLadyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 22, 2011 at 8:01 am :
Wait... sent us to each other. My fault, grammer is too difficult in the morning. ;)
 
clumsyteardropper replied...
Nov. 22, 2011 at 10:06 am :
Are you kidding me I LOVE Harry Potter!!! I've seen all of the movies and plan on reading the books if I can.  I was so mad when I watched the very last one and my Freddie died!!! </3
And as for Evanescence, I love Amy Lee's voice.  So beautiful and clear.
 
TubaLadyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 23, 2011 at 8:04 am :
OMG!!! :O You're a Fred and George fan?!?!?!?!?!? Me, too!!!!!!!! I LOVE the Phelps twins!!!!!! I joke that I'm married to them. ;) :D OMG!!!!!!!!! :O Okay, it's official: God sent you to me to be my friend! :) ;)
 
TubaLadyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 23, 2011 at 8:07 am :
btw, to help with the cutting thing, TeenCentral.Net It's a really good website, I use it myself. :)
 
clumsyteardropper replied...
Nov. 23, 2011 at 10:23 pm :
Yes I am a fan of those two!!!! :D  They are SOO HOT!! XD  And hilarious!!
Well, in that case... you can marry one, and I'll get the other one! haha :P  Yay, I'm an offical God-sent friend!  It's a nice title ;D  Glad to have it
Really, so it does help?  I'll be sure to check it out :) Thanks
 
TubaLadyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Nov. 26, 2011 at 9:44 am :
I think we should marry both, and get joint custody. ;) :) Yay... Compromise!! I love them both too much to choose. :)
 
clumsyteardropper replied...
Nov. 26, 2011 at 10:46 pm :
Hahahaha joint custody :P  I know what you mean... They so awesome!
 
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