July 2, 2011
By , North Vancouver, Canada
You know that girl? The one that you see in the hallway. She is always alone, with no one to talk to or hang out with. Every now and then you consider asking her to have lunch with you, but you never get around to it. You smile at her in halls, thinking nothing of it. Except, that small gesture of kindness your showed her just made her day.

Before you know it, she has left the school. And you begin to regret the fact that you didn’t try to make more of an effort to be nice to her. That girl. Was an outsider. Just like all of us.

I am that girl.

I always thought, that if I made it look like I was having fun, and surrounded my self with people. That it would fill all those empty spaces. That things wouldn’t seem so lonesome, and people would look at me differently. They would look at me as I wanted them too.

Some days, I thought that I was so high up on the ‘popularity ranking’, and that everyone liked me. Other days, I wanted to rip out of my skin and just break out of my shell. On those days, I would avoid my ‘friends’, and submerse myself into work and block out anything and everything. Being lonely was like being plagued with some wretched disease that was stamped on your forehead for all to see. Those days were unbearable.

When you’re in high school, you try to mold yourself. Trying to please everyone, all at once. Being pulled in all different directions. If you make one wrong decision, you’ll be scarred. For life.
Everyone goes silent, and you would try to break the impermeable awkwardness. People say, that when you are in high school, that you need to find those people that accept you for you. So far, I haven’t found these people. I have molded so many times and, several different ways. Trying to please them by all means necessary. Every time I would try to be ‘me’, I was out casted. Even if it was only just by one person. If one lead, the group would follow. Having no recognition of what it felt like to have my supposed friends turn their backs on me.



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