I dislike who i am, and what i look like. I am one of those girls with alot of friends but i dont feel like i actually fit in. All the people around me are tall and skinny, like they can fit into size extra smalls shirts and size 00" pants, even though im not bigger, I can see the difference. i hate my body, i have large muscular legs and and arms, and i am short. Everytime i wear shorts people would make fun of my legs and mess around with me, it really bothers me and brings me down, I act like it doesn’t have any affect on me but it truly does. People are judging me all time, like.. that I act like a prep, or I can beat up anyone I want. Things like this keeps me up at night. I always think what are they going to say now? Even though they said a lot of hurtful things. At home it isnt much different, my older sisters didnt make the right choices when they were my age. my parents are strict about what i do, and how i do it. I hate when my dad yells at me. it makes me feel like everything was my fault. my grandfather died because of cancer and its been really hard for me. after his death i have been questioning everything i do, how it would effect others or myself. I have no confidence what so ever, i feel like people stare at me, start rumors, or are judging me. i wish i had a easier life. I trys to get things like this off my mind by playing sports or doing activities, but actually it adds on. In sports.. I always think that im the worst player on the team. Or if I make a mistake my teammates will laugh at me and judge me… where ever I go, it will never stop.
My life isnt easy.
April 28, 2011