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Emotionally Mixed Up

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Everyone asks for forgiveness at least once in their life, and depending on what they did, some forgiveness is granted. But why forgive someone for the wrong reasons. If they hurt you, betrayed you, or just really screwed up, what actually makes you forgive someone? Forgiveness is basically moving forward, not dwelling on the past, and forgetting anything and everything that went wrong, but you never truly forget. Sure, you may think you put everything behind you, maybe the issue slipped your mind for a while, forgetting all the wrong they did. Eventually, it’ll all come back to you, hard. You’ll remember how hurt you felt, how they betrayed your trust, stomped all over your heart. Only to realize what a huge jerk face they were, how stupid they were, how they regret everything they ever said or did, and then you’ll wonder why you even forgave them in the first place.
I guess in some situations, it’s understandable. Maybe they raised their voice a little too high, or took a joke a little too far; hurting someone they care about, but not enough to stay mad over. Those things can be forgiven. It’s all the other things that are harder to forget. Cheating, lying, accusing, it makes no sense to me. They say they love you, they can’t stop thinking about you, and they’re going crazy without your undying affection. That wasn’t the case when they cheated on you, when they lied to your face, when they raised a hand to you, accusing you of something that you would never have the heart to do. And at that moment, they’re not thinking about how much they love you, or how much they can’t live without you, no. Instead, they are thinking past you. Realizing they screwed with a perfectly good, trusting relationship.
Now, some people are brave enough to own up to their mistakes, some are even willing to give up everything to get your trust back; while some hold it off until the last minute, when you hear from someone else. Once you confront them, they try buttering you up, sending chocolates, flowers, and love notes; anything to show you they ‘care,’ when most of them are just trying to save their own a***s. It takes a truly good person, someone who has a genuine heart, to forgive someone who hurt them. Even when you have forgiven them, that doesn’t mean you have to go through it again. And for some, forgiveness isn’t the word they have in mind, its hate.
Hate. It’s a very strong word. You can say you hate school, or you have eating vegetables, and it can be the most innocent thing you say. But when you say you hate someone, it can turn into a whole different story. I admit, I’ve said I hate a couple of people who hurt me, betrayed me, and fought against me. When I really thought about it, it takes a lot to say you hate someone. The word hate can ruin everything. It can ruin a friendship, it can ruin a reputation. You can be the prettiest person there is. Gorgeous eyes, lovely smile, an all around beautiful face, but if you have hate in your heart, it can make you the ugliest person ever; especially if you hate someone for the wrong reasons. But no matter what that person did, there is never a good enough reason to say “I hate you.”
Of course, love is a different explanation. If you truly love someone, then you have discovered something that is rare. Thousands of people claim they found the one they want to be with forever, they’re head over heels in love. It could be true, if it’s for the right reasons. Honestly, what is love? I’ve never truly felt it, so I wouldn’t know for sure, but I could guess. Love could be comfort, affection, trust, going beneath the surface to see past their looks, past the mistakes they’ve made even before they met you, to find someone amazing. Love can be humorous; no matter what situation you’re in, good or bad, they always find a way to bring a smile to your face. Love can be support when you need it the most. Fighting with a close friend, you go to that one person who will always stand by your side, who will always take the time to listen, to hold you while you cry a river of pain, confusion and even anger, who will always love you. Love can also be scary. Not knowing if it’s real, afraid they won’t be faithful, afraid you won’t be faithful. Afraid they’ll get bored with you, they’ll go out searching for someone better, smarter, prettier, funnier, maybe even someone skinnier. But that isn’t love, not even close. And once you find it, you’re stronger than before.
Then again, you don’t need someone to make you happy. People complain all the time about being lonely, not having anyone to love them, when that’s never true. Everyone knows that they’ll always have their family who loves them, and if you have no family anymore, that doesn’t mean the love is gone too. Love can live on forever. Whether it’s in memory, in spirit, you will always have love in your heart for your family. As for love outside your family, it’ll come to you. Being alone doesn’t make you a loser; it doesn’t make you a nobody. In my opinion, being on your own makes you independent. You don’t depend on anyone to love you; you don’t depend on someone to make you happy, to make you laugh, to cry with you. That is what friends are for. Okay, it would be nice to have someone to care for, but then again, some people are better off standing on their own. And those who feel unwanted, unneeded, unimportant, you’re not alone. There is always someone in your shoes. Someone who feels how you feel, someone who reacts the same way you react. Someone who is longing for the same things you are. You are never alone. Sure, you might not know the person, but hundreds of people get through the tough times in one piece, so can you. The best thing to do is to gather around with the people you do have, the people who do love you for you. Being surrounded by loved ones always takes stress away, and will always brings a smile to your face.
For those of you who have ever felt insecure, I’m right there with you. There have been plenty of times when people have told me that I was ugly, that I was stupid, I would never amount to anything, and I will never find true love because no one will ever love anyone like me. Most of the time, I believed them. Over the years, I would watch people fall in love, watch people succeed in reaching their goals, while I failed miserable, barely keeping up in math. But I never truly gave up on a goal I set for myself. Now a sophomore in high school, I look back at what I have achieved; national junior honor society in elementary school, honors and AP classes in high school. Even though I didn’t have much luck in the boyfriend department, I managed to stay happy with friends who kept me smiling. And now that I think about it, I don’t really give a crap about what people think of me. They may be right about my looks, my attitude, my status, but that doesn’t mean they control who I am or who I will become in the future; if you have ever been told that you are ugly or stupid, dumb, worthless, nobody, think twice before you agree with the person who covers their insecurities by calling out yours. You are your own person, no one can change you. When you don’t care about what people think, you can get through anything that is thrown in you path.
So, the bottom line is, forgiveness proves you’re the better person; hatred in your heart can make you an ugly person; loving someone can make you stronger; standing on your own makes you independent; surrounding yourself can make you happy; realizing your perfect just the way you are makes you invincible.





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