A Look Upon the Past Year

November 18, 2007
As I look back on this past year, I begin to realize…
The phrase “I don’t like who I’ve become” has been dominant.
And if I count how many times I’ve said “I’m never talking to him again” I wouldn’t have any strength left.
If I add up the friendships I’ve screwed up and lost,
And compare them to the friendships I’ve gained-
It doesn’t even out…the loss is too great.
Don’t even get me started on the amount of times I said I didn’t love him…
When everyone could see right past my lies.
What about the times I’d give him hell for doing nothing wrong?
Or losing friendships over nothing…
Must I be reminded of the nights I spent alone...pondering what the purpose of my life was.
Or how about the days I pretended like nothing affected me.
Just so everyone would know that I didn’t care about anything-
Even though I cared about everything.
The amount of times people pointed out my faults is many-
Too many to even dream of counting.
But they all go away when I think of the time [he] said he missed me.
The rumors I’ve spread and the trusts I’ve broken outnumber the secret’s I’ve kept.
Want to know something else?
I’ve written more hate poems than love.
I’ve written more anger notes than joy.
I’ve given more slaps than hugs.
And supposedly, they deserved it…
Maybe I was just comforting myself.
Every other week I claimed to have grown up- became a better person.
I tried that, but jealousy got in the way.
Exactly one year ago, I was crying over a heartache.
And what am I doing one year later?
Still talking about that same heartache.
Did I grow up? No.
Am I a better person? Not a chance.

This past year, I am left in the same position I was left in before- lost.
New Year’s Resolution:
Be a better person? …too generic
Keep friends and their secrets? …to corny
How about…
Just…Be Somebody Other Than Yourself (because everyone will benefit if you change who you are)

Yeah…that works.

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