Meaning

September 30, 2007
By
If you never knew me of you knew of me, but heard things you didn’t like,




I wouldn’t care what you thought,
I would never seek you out to change your mind, never pay any attention to what you might say,
whether its true or if it’s a lie,
id learn so fast how to hold my head up without you holding it up for me. Id learn to love without needing to be loved back, I wouldn’t be famous, I wouldn’t be rich, even if I left all my dreams to crumble in some foreign ditch, old and unknown to anyone who came upon them, I would astound you at how easy it was for me to stand back and watch them all spin further and further down letting themselves drown in a now empty bottle, that no matter how many times you try to fill it back up, will never stay full enough for you to be satisfied. I will astound you because, aside from what you may think of me, I wont dare sit in that again. I will grow past my cowardly escape, and revel in undeniable courage, something I would find by myself, not by someone else pushing me to it .I would have compassion beyond the occupancy inside the worn in walls of my heart, enough to look on to people as I would a small child, helpless and innocent, searching for something, but searching in vain just like I was. I wouldn’t be so quick to fight for protecting the corrupt temptations I have been known to desire, to taste, or even to swallow. It would be a passing ship that had already set sail in the confines of my memory bank. I would become anything but typical, without even trying, finding my freedom and escape in my favorite book, with my pen and paper, and no matter how many friends I have or don’t, I will find complete joy in just one, a friend that Is almost the definition example of it, and I will be lucky for I will be one of few who has ever found such. I won’t be a turtle locked in a shell, scared of the unknown, hiding my head when I get shaken. I will never let death or old age be the thoughts that consume my life because when I die, I’m going to paradise. Pride will wither from me like a flower plucked from the soil, it will become utterly lifeless inside me. When I’m wrong, ill not fight just to have the last say, or simply to be right. This all will be enough, when I’m gone I don’t want to be remembered by who I knew, what I’ve owned or even the overflowing pile of mistakes I’ve made. But for what and who I am, not what I was, not a fiend, not someone craving an instant allergic reaction I will say aloud “ That is not me!”, I will be Someone real like everyone else, but I’ll have the courage to show it, and stand by it. If I never get noticed, never make a headlining story never find someone who loves me for who I am, it will be enough for me, all these things will swallow me up someday , and ill be free at last…..thank god almighty she will be free at last!!





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