Joanna: Maneater

September 20, 2007
By sam palmer, Springfield, MO

Joanna is by far the most ridiculous person in the world. I know her through my brother, who is under her girl mind control which renders him un-fun and un-wanting to spend time with his younger brother. Many people at school know her and think highly of her, but I know the truth, that she is nothing but I man eating woman. For those who do not know what man eating it is when a girl takes over his life and devours everything of his (figuratively of course) so that all that man has time for and thinks about is the girl. Speaking of eating, she also eats more than any girl I have ever seen. I can recall countless times were I have been at home getting ready to eat my meal that I have taken lots of time to prepare, such as pizza rolls or maybe even if I feel like putting in a little over time heating up my pop tarts; and she just comes out of no where and takes half of what ever I'm eating and drinking. Even if she has just finished with a meal she will still eat my food, and it is always my food not her boyfriends.

Things have gotten better and are more peaceful around the house and in my life now that Joanna has gone to college to broaden her studies on man eating. But every time my brother comes home from college I have to hide all of the food I plan on eating in the next three months because rest assured when Alex is home Joanna is over using her mind tricks and eating my food. I have no idea what will happen when they get married and you can bet they will, I’ll probably have to leave the country or change my name so that I won’t have to go to any family reunions and see her.

I say all this jokingly and knowingly that Joanna does not mind that I write this. She actually is a very nice girl and I do enjoy it when she comes over (about everyday from 4 to 9). Even though she does steel half of everything I’m I don’t have much room to complain because I
do the exact same to her. When Joanna and my brother do get married I won’t be too disappointed. But to all you single men out there head this word: stay away from all women for all they wish to do is feast on your soul. (Except for Mrs. Self)

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