Suspence is what it is. Immune after watching all those damn horrer films in middle school. No, no, suspence isn't the kicker. Its potential. It can never be awnswered but it is a question. It can never be measured. It's a ghost, haunting; only ever seen in the periffereal vision. If adknowledged it just evaporates, leaves you drooling. Does that ghost free istself whence potential has been fufilled? It's a dirty word that's allowed, like politician. Athletes can break records and beat the competition. Artists can tell who is best, the eye is naturall drawn, but the author. To author is to live in agony. There is no race, who could judge? There will always be someone better. Shakespear, Hemmingway, Ted Huges, Jane Austin. I will never be that great. There will always be words i don't know. I'll always be crude. I'll always be an atrocious speller, I'll never have anything imporant to stay. MY handwriting will never be neat. I'll be damned if 8th graders want to rip up my work because they are sick of being totured into looking for symbolism, I won't make college students stress into the small hours of the morning trying to decifer my meaning. Then again i don't want to be some hopeful idea for a very young girl to live by. If you want to quote me, you'll have to dog-ear the pages.
July 22, 2010