In My Shoes

January 13, 2010
Smiling, laughing and happy on the outside, but on the inside it’s not true. It’s hard to control my emotions with being in school, at a night class, at work, and sports. There is one baggage I will have to carry around for the rest of my life. The bag of sorrow.

I remember the day clearly. The basketball team was on the court to practice before the game. The coach commented to the entire team that they should play like Karen, play harder and drive down the court. During the game the coach didn’t take me out, while others sat on the bench. The coach made comments on my playing abilities and instructed the other players to move like Karen. At the final timeout, the coach told me to get a drink. The coach took that moment to reprimand the team. That’s all it took, my teammates glared at me. It took one moment to make me feel like an outcast. It wasn’t going to be the same. I felt like I didn’t belong.
It hurt to see people whispering to the person next to them. It was devastating to walk into a locker room to total silence. Walking down the school hallway was the worst. My so called friends were as cold as a refrigerator. Why did they have to be this way? Growing up it was instilled in me to give 110%. Friends should support and treat one another with kindness. Looking back, I should have stood up for myself. It wasn’t my fault.

It was time to say goodbye; with no regrets. I decided to change paths on my life journey. It was worth the change. It took a long time to forgive what they had done to me. Forgiving gave me closure, but I will still carry the bag of sorrow.

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