Why is it that I have so much trouble organizing my thoughts? It seems as though I never have a moment of uninterrupted thoughts flowing through my head coherently. Even as I sit here in this recliner trying to give you some insight into my brain, I am distracted by stimuli both internal and external. On the outside, Shostakovich’s evocative 5th symphony resonates in my ear and takes me back to the time in which this man was silenced by an oppressive communist government. Shostakovich lived in fear of a KGB agent knocking on his door threatening to send him and his family to Siberia, the equivalent of a death sentence. I think about how much emotion went into the writing of this symphony. An enormous shout of anger to the Reds, Shostakovich’s 5th embodies his anger and delivers it in a powerful display of musical genius. Before I know it, I’ve lost ten minutes of time to this tangent of thought. My dad asks if I have rehearsal Saturday. I simply reply, “No.” I look back toward the computer screen and then again am lost in an alternate train of thought. I think about how much God has blessed me with parents that love me. I couldn’t ask for better parents. I think of the opportunity they’ve allowed me to have. I think about how they let me express myself and even allow me to overstep my boundaries sometimes. They’ve helped teach me how to love. Love: what a crazy thing. The first thing that comes to mind when I begin this string of thought about love is my Lord, Jesus Christ. Why would God, the creator of the universe and everything in it, send his son in human form to die a brutal death to be the atonement for my sins? Why would an immaculate being like my God give a rip about me or the other people that he saves in this world? This occupies my thoughts on a regular basis. The answer I give myself is “because of love”, though I don’t know of anyone who could possess this same love. I guess that’s why I’ve committed my life to Him. I start to think about how much work there is to be done for His kingdom. There are tens of thousands of unreached people groups in this world and it is the job of Christ’s followers to share the message the Gospel with them. It gets on my nerves when people ask me if I converted anybody when I went to Thailand. If I ever converted anybody to follow some faith, I would not have very much faith in their continued faith. If I can convince somebody something is true, won’t some other person be able to do the same. No, the Holy Spirit is solely responsible for changing people. Romans 15:21 says “It has always been my ambition to preach the gospel where Christ was not known, so that I would not be building on someone else's foundation.” I hope the Lord has the same plan for me as he did for Paul. I believe that he does. God has put some incredible people in my life: My parents, as I thought about earlier, my mentor, my sisters, my friends. He has blessed my beyond measure. What is there for me to complain about?

This is but an hour of the convoluted, scattered patterns of my mind. I think it’s crazy how this mind works. I’m awestruck by the power of the mind to give us our different personalities and perceptions. I think about the way that I am and wonder how people can believe that it all happened by chance. I will forever be thankful to God for giving me life on Earth and eternal life through Jesus Christ.