A report was made that 5,610 teenagers from the ages 16-18 have learned how to multi-task while driving this year. However, 5,609 of them are now dead. The last teen couldn’t be put together enough to count him as a full person, so he was tossed in Lake Michigan. Although, driving without paying attention to the road is semi-dangerous, it’s better to do because a persons eyes won’t get tired and they’ll drive 100% better.

“ I speed, text, and do my hair while driving, and my driving skills are wonderful,” said Shebe Stuped , of Cedar Springs High School, “ I’ve only ran three stoplights, blew straight through eleven stop signs, injured two old people (they don’t have that much time left anyway), and had to drive in the median of the highway two and a half times. But, hey, I’m still alive.”

Some teens spend a lot of time driving and might not have enough time to do important things like homework, eat, or talk on the phone. So, what better time to do it that when you’re just merely driving?
Studies show that stupid kids that try to drive fully focused get very bored. So, the trick is, have fun while you’re driving. Be daring, break stuff, and put people’s lives in danger. What do you have to lose?

“My driving consists of peeping at all my friends, yelling out the window, doing burnouts at every stop sign, and, don’t forget, the thrill of high speed racing. It’s the best,” stated Hill B. Deadsoon.

Tragically, Hill, was scraped off the pavement only days before this article was published, God bless his soul.

So kids take this advice and drive like a maniac.