Karma Guy Rant

November 6, 2009
You know, people (i.e. my parents) tell me that I sound incredibly adolescent when I say that the world presents me with things I hate just to spite me, but I think it's true. I mean, I don't really believe in an all-powerful deity or even a controlling spirit outside of Karma, but if there is some sort of guy up there controlling the world, he's gotta have a rotten sense of humor. And when bored, I am almost positive he sits around presenting me with rotten situations. And laughs.
Well, Karma Guy, I just think you should know that I hate you. No, more than that. I absolutely detest, I despise, I loathe you. I mean, this guy could have stopped at saddling me with a mind that keeps me wide awake until the wee hours of the morning. He could have quit at the washing machine across the hall from my room, the one that beeps every thirty seconds when it's finished washing clothes. He could have stopped at a family whose definition of "on time" means "within the hour of whatever appointment we happen to have." But no. Because, Karma Guy (and this is why I loathe you so much), you had to stop at the worst thing of all--the fact that I live in New England, the place where we have 20-degree cold spells in the winters and deceitfully chilly mornings in the falls, the place where we don't turn our heat on until late November--and you placed my school here.
The worst part of this might be that I love New England. Boston is my favorite place in the world. Yet, somehow, I can love it and despise it (nearly as much as I despise you, Karma Guy, which is saying something) simultaneously. Because having a school in the middle of New England's own (more than occasional) Siberia means that I get to get up in the freezing cold every day, get to wake up and find as many layers as I can every single day, get to go to school in five layers of clothing (still not enough) every single freaking day, and I get to try and learn there. In the cold. In the snow. Often with a runny nose (commonly chronic for me, no thanks to this guy), or while incredibly overtired because of the benevolent Karma Guy's gift of an overly active mind, sitting in a room shivering and attempting to listen to my teachers drone on and on while trying not to catch pneumonia in our supposedly heated classrooms, every single day. And these are the academic memories I have of my childhood. Memories of sitting hunched over in a hard plastic chair (if only to worsen my already horrible posture, another blessing from that considerate Karma Guy) and of attempting to concentrate while positive I can see my breath in front of me.
So, Karma Guy, I hope you're happy. I hope that, for all of my trouble, it amuses you to watch me try to concentrate each day while worrying about having a limb or two freeze off. Come to think of it, I hope you're happy that it is now eleven P.M. and I have spent half an hour that I could have spent trying to catch up on the five hours of sleep I got last night writing this rant about you. I hope you're happy I drag myself up and out of bed every day just to see what new and exciting surprises you have in store for me. I hope that, for all the stuff you send my way each day, my life is amusing to you. Really, Karma Guy. I honestly do.

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This article has 9 comments. Post your own now!

Miss_Bliss said...
Nov. 25, 2009 at 3:13 pm
Hah, no kidding! What don't you agree with, that Karma Guy is all bad? I know he isn't, but when I wrote this I was exhausted and grumpy and felt the need to blame SOMEONE. I've heard I overuse parentheses...I'll work on that. Thanks for all your feedback!
Ching said...
Nov. 25, 2009 at 3:09 pm
I love it (even though I don't agree with you). You use a few too many parenthesis I think. Also, the cold is only going to get worse from November. :)
achaparala said...
Nov. 22, 2009 at 6:40 am
It sounds great, Celina! Your voice really stands out, bringing the essay to life. Although I don't really agree with your depiction of Karma Guy- everything happens for a reason, and there's always a cause that triggers the effect, whether it was something you did or something completely out of your control. But, again, wonderful writing!
purplefuzz22 said...
Nov. 21, 2009 at 6:22 pm
NICE WRITING CELINA!!!! I think that karma guy doesn't take amusement out of your pain, but it's like in response for all the good things too!!! Keep it up Celina!!!! Rock the world of Teen Ink!!!!
purplefuzz22 said...
Nov. 21, 2009 at 6:13 pm
Aww....... but karma guy is in charge of the good things in life too SERIOUSLY!!!
Sam H said...
Nov. 18, 2009 at 7:31 pm
Now you've got me at "Karma Guy" and winter, though I agree that it's not karma unless you've done something wrong.
You use a TON of (Parentheses)
Sam H replied...
Nov. 18, 2009 at 7:32 pm
I meant, you've got me MAD at him.
RunningSmile24 said...
Nov. 17, 2009 at 5:24 pm
Great job Celina! Whatever creative writing class you took, it certainly made your writing good. Unless it was already that way. :) Nice choice words really jumped out, and your description of NE is certainly correct. Keep on writing! You go girl!
soph720 replied...
Nov. 17, 2009 at 8:57 pm
Hi, Sara! Yes, I totally agree with you on how amazing Celina's writing is! Celina, great job, and I completely understand and agree about Mr. Karma Monster. However, I don't think that it is karma that is doing the work, because what did you ever do wrong?? But fantastic job! See you soon!
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