When times get get hard keep trying, they told me. Well let's just say i have been and it doesn't get any better. I mean compared to fairy tales they told me when i was a kid, my life sucks. And some how i still want to try,ant to believe that one day I, too, will get my fairy tale ending. I've always been a curious kid and something led me to believe that with time things will get better. Everyday i hope for the years t come and everyday i hold my head up high and forget about the past. When i meet new people i come up with a new person to be s i don't have to remind myself of the stuff I've been through. There's only two places you'll see the real me; in my writing and in my summer house. If you see me there your more fortunate then others because i feel i am a great person just affected to easily by people in life. time away from the social aspect and so many places i can go to escape my troubles... sounds perfect to me. I'm the kind of girl who needs to be in control her life and needs to d things her own way and when people get in the way of that i instantly don't like them. on the contrary though when i make friends if they tell me to do something or be something I'm not ill do it because i'm afraid other wise they'll leave me if i don't. People always promise me they wont leave me but in the end i know they will so i stopped believing in THAT, too. i used to think everything in life was perfect and that everyone was good and there was nothing able to hurt anyone, but that shattered when i was told i was adopted. i felt so much pain then, and i still do every time me and my mom, who adopted me, and i fight. it's so aggervating because we both need to be in control of MY life. i always used to think about running away and starting over but i feel that's more challenging then it sounds, so unfortunately i have to live through one and a half more years of complete and utter hell. when i leave I'm going somewhere far and where its warm all year around; i can't wait. i already have my whole life planned out in front of starting when i turn 18, now i just hope it will come true. I'll miss so many people being so far away from them; we've shared so many good times, i wish those moments lasted a life time then life truely would be perfect. i laugh everyday to remind myself it's not completely bad and i guess that's a good quality to have. i try everyday to help and protect my friends from any bad that they could potentionally feel because i no the feeling and it sucks and i hate to see them sad. it can be a good and bad quality to have because i help them more then i help myself and i often get to attached to them so when the leave it hurts ten times worst. if this weak and spineless girl can go through life acting happy so should you. And know I am always here for you.
October 18, 2009