It should have been the perfect birthday. And it was, I got a cell phone and a pair of converse but for some reason something did not feel right. Later that I night I had gone to bed, but I lay awake thinking what is the matter? Then I started to cry quietly stuffing my face into my pillow. Everything was fine but there I was crying. Something had made me hurt. I had always dreamed that I would be able to spend at least one birthday with my mom but ever year there is just another heart break. I always have this tendency to love people no matter if they are mean, different, stupid, and above, I love them. You could call it my character flaw. I guess it is because I once felt that love between my mother and myself but then she ripped it apart leaving a black hole that is small enough to go un-noticed by the human eye but hurts way down deep where nobody looks. I can be happy but then that little black hole tears me into a million shards that stab me but never show to the other side. I have let my black whole grow so that it will over control me, some call it depression but if that were true then everyone would be depressed. No everybody has a black hole, we don't all show, but some do. My advice is to let it out, even if it hurts to let it out, it hurts to keep it hidden. Take it from someone who has had experince.
September 25, 2009