Politics In The United States MAG

By Unknown, Unknown, Unknown

   "I will be the garbage-collecting mayor!" Herbert Walker yelled. The citizens of Noopsville, Minnesota had been distressed by the cancellation of their garbage pick-up service. Now this great man promised he would give it back to them.

"I will be the lemonade-stand mayor!" The people of this town got thirsty in the summer. The town center needed lemonade stands; they would make a walk through town a more pleasant one. Noopsville was beginning to like this guy. He knew what they wanted.

Then Walker came through with the clincher. "READ MY LIPS: NO MORE MANDATORY RECYCLING!" Herbert smiled his gorgeous smile and walked off the podium. He had captured the hearts of Noopsville.

His wife stood, admiring her husband. "What a liar," she said to herself, proudly.

Walker's opponent then took the podium and began speaking, "Fellow citizens of Noopsville" exclaimed Robert Schniggle, "my opponent talks about mostly impractical things. Our budget cannot handle door-to-door garbage pick-up." It was already obvious this man was hopeless. He was not fit to be a leader.

"Also, we need our mandatory recycling! It not only saves the earth, but it also provides the town with extra money to provide YOU with ..." This man was utterly boring. A few people were already leaving. They couldn't bear to hear any more of this honesty. Nevertheless, the foolish man continued his speech. "However, one of Mr. Walker's points I agree with: we could use some lemonade stands. This is feasible if we eliminate some of our waste spending ..."

The auditorium emptied quickly. A few stayed - only out of courtesy. They couldn't bear listening to any of this economical mumbo-jumbo. "What is Schniggle trying to prove?" They all asked. Intelligence wasn't a quality they wanted in a mayor. They wanted ambition, strength, and good looks. How could they vote for a man who was only five foot, six inches tall? How could they vote for a man who didn't have the guts to lie?

"How did I do?" asked Schniggle four days later.

"Not good. Walker won by a landslide, 209 to 3," answered Mrs. Schniggle. "I love you, Robert. But you're just too honest to be a leader."

"Wait a minute. I voted for me; you voted for me. Who was the third vote?"

"A twelve-year-old sneaked into the voting area." n

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