The Perfect Boyfriend This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine.

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   I think I'm just about the perfect boyfriend. I'm kind, gentle and friendly. I have a decent sense of humor. I call every night. I follow women blindly. I spend ridiculous amounts of money on them. I know the exact length of the relationship to the hour. I hold hands, write notes and cry at movies.

Being a good boyfriend really stinks. Guys, if you think you have any of the qualities listed above, run and hide. Actually, don't just hide, leave the country, and do it quickly. Because you are being hunted by the most vicious and terrible predator the world has ever known: Woman.

Yes, guys, women are after you. And the sensitive guys are in the most trouble, because women can smell sensitivity like sharks smell blood. They're coming for you, and when they get to you, like you know they will, they'll befriend you at first, and before you know it, they'll have torn your heart to shreds.

That's the worst part about women. They look so cute and innocent that we actually let them near us. Time after time we see it happen. Some poor innocent guy gets fooled into liking a girl. He gets to know her, and soon enough he trusts her and hangs on her every word and action.

We all know what happens next. She'll wait until he's most vulnerable and WHAM, go for the jugular. Then she moves on, looking for her next victim. He is left the shadow of the man he used to be. We see it happen over and over. We feel terrible for him and glad that it didn't happen to us.

But before we know it, it is happening to us. We know we should stay away, but we don't. It's just too much to resist. Women have been granted some power of attraction. Every guy knows it's dangerous, but somehow, we need to get caught. That's right, no matter how many times men are warned, or hurt, we have to go back.

I know I will. I've been dumped as often as any guy. I know that every time I get into another relationship, I'm going to end up hurting, but for some reason I let it happen. Is it really worth it?

The answer, unfortunately, is yes. It's too bad that we poor men are forced to endure all of this pain and suffering, but we know that the fun that we have is worth it. It's the lesser of two evils, I guess. The saying is correct: " 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."


This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. This piece has been published in Teen Ink’s monthly print magazine.






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Samantha C. said...
Dec. 22, 2009 at 11:14 am
'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
^Something I've come to realize is oh so true.
 
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