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If I kissed you...

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Author's note: Writing is my passion. If I don't write daily, I feel like my day is incomplete. I wrote this to...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: Writing is my passion. If I don't write daily, I feel like my day is incomplete. I wrote this to showcase where I am currently at, regarding talent in writing. Currently I have at least five other books I've started on which have the same amount of dedication and talent. When I manage to get a publisher I'll publish them as well when they are finished. This is the first big piece I've put out there that I feel truly shows where I am at in my writing. If you like it, keep in mind this is only part 1, and part 2 is in the works. Any good and constructive feedback is more than welcome. The more feedback I get, the more I will consider there being a part three.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 22 Next »

Stitch-work

He gathered the plates, and left, presumably to the shed. It was dark now, the shadows from outside filled the room. When he came back he looked at me awkwardly like he didn't know what to expect from me. It was almost like he was nervous in his own messed up way. He closed one door, and then the other, latching them with a thick board he picked up. He gave me the same side-glancing nervous look and took off his bloody shirt, I cringed into the corner though he was not going towards me, but the dresser. As he was pulling out some wiry string, scissors, and a needle, I noticed all the other scars on his back. They were long and thick, some of them carried all the way down to his pants line. He looked at me head on, and I saw he had the same scars all across his torso, there was barely any space left clean of them. Like my scars, only worse.
“Do you know how to sew?” he asked roughly, his eyes cold.
“Yes-well sort of-” I stammered.
He handed me the needle and thread, keeping the scissors away on the nightstand. He eyed me skeptically, tearing off the gauze from his shoulder wound and then startled me, as he inched onto the bed watching me closely with the needle. He slowly laid on his back, his eyes not missing a heartbeat.
What could I do with a needle? I decided quickly that I should play along and try to get his trust so that I can run away.
“H-have, you cleaned it?” I asked, looking the deep wound over for any sign of dirt.
“It's clean.” he muttered.
Thankfully it was on the shoulder nearest to me and so I didn't have to lean over him. I started tying a knot in the string and since my fingers shook, I decided to make some conversation.
“So...how did you get all those scars?”
“My father. People.” he answered, his eyes cold.
I figured I shouldn't pursue the subject.
“...What should I call you? Wha-”
“You can call me Raiden.”
I finished the knot. I looked at his skin, if I hurt him would he kill me?
“Is that your real name?”
He was silent. And then, “It's like my real name, only different. Go ahead and start stitching.”
I looked over the wound again and because it was so deep I figured it should have deeper stitches than the regular shallow gashes.
“Okay, I just want you to know that I'm going to have to make the stitches deeper since the wound is so deep, so the skin holds the wound good and it doesn't rip open.”
He nodded gruffly. And without wanting to drag it on, I pierced through the skin. Little red dots appeared around the stitching as he let in a sharp intake of air, and then seemed deep in concentration on hiding the pain.
Unsure of what I was doing, I still made the stitches about a fourth of an inch thick, and used the same length as the depth to space them. I just hoped this was how I was supposed to do it, if it got ripped or infected he would probably be blaming me for it. And I wouldn't know what would come after that. I noticed his fists were clenching, but I did it as fast and meticulous as I could.
“Done.” I said after the last stitch. “Just have to tighten it,” I had been making tight stitches but I didn't want it to get infected. He cringed as I pulled it together tight. “...and tie the knot.”
Once the knot was tied, he grabbed the scissor and since he moved fast I slammed myself back into the wall. He looked at me and grabbed the fallen needle, “Skittish?” he asked, grinning tortuously, and cut the thread. He got up nimbly, and pulled open the bottom drawer of his dresser to get some bourbon, he hissed as he poured it over his wound.
“Ah...” he exclaimed in pain before taking a drink. He tossed it back into the drawer, and took a jagged piece of mirror out of another one, examining my work. Then it dawned on me and I felt stupid for it's lateness. I was still on his bed.
“...where will I sleep?”
He glanced at me, “On my bed, unless you wish to take a chance with the scorpions?” his eyebrows were raised in a tense manner, and I thought of why he left the doors open since I woke up-could it have been for that very reason? Maybe he wanted me to to sleep on the floor and get bit.
I still couldn't decide whether to say I preferred the floor. If I did would he kill me? He took my silence as an affirmation. Apparently pleased with my work, he tossed the mirror on the dresser and took off his pants. I started wrenching against the rope tying my wrist, but it held strong and so I inched away from the corner so I wouldn't be pinned.
“Your winy boyfriend...he's not dead. If you plan on him surviving the night, I wouldn't be trying anything if I were you.”
“And what about you? Will you be trying anything?” I accused, unable to hold back my venom.
He chuckled, “That depends.”
He turned off the light and everything was dark. I felt him moving onto the bed, and felt him staring my direction. Finally after some minutes of pure terror he moved onto his back and underneath the covers. I swallowed the lump in my throat louder than I'd wanted. He was constantly keeping me on edge. He wanted control, and this must be one of his tactics.
He just laid there, stiff as a board and I knew he was awake. He was either waiting to make his move, or for me to settle into a sleeping position-or both.
“Lay down.” he commanded.
“Why?”
“So I'll feel you move if you try to knock me unconscious like you did the last time, remember?”
“If this is some-” I screamed as he lurched up and grabbed me, tossing me down on the bed.
“Lay-down!”
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 22 Next »


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This book has 125 comments. Post your own!

ShayleeMarThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 21, 2012 at 6:55 pm:
Wow!! That ending gosh I'm crying! You killed all of the main characters except for her!!!! So well written it is amazing!!!! I love it!!!!!!
 
KateLA replied...
Jul. 21, 2012 at 11:21 pm :
Thank you very much! If you have any articles you'd like me to read over and comment on, let me know :-)
 
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Emmeranne said...
Jun. 10, 2012 at 10:28 pm:
oh wow its great! u should post more stories like it
 
KateLA replied...
Jun. 11, 2012 at 3:26 am :
Thank you very much!
 
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Court_Court said...
Jun. 4, 2012 at 1:59 pm:
This is an amazing book and I really enjoyed it!!!
 
KateLA replied...
Jun. 4, 2012 at 3:28 pm :
Thank you!
 
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KestrelThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 26, 2012 at 1:40 pm:
 AHH! That's it?! Epilogue, please. Great job! I haven't had the guts to put up much more than poems and pictures, so all of my stories are hidden away. I do have one that is similar to this, though, but shorter. Anyhow, I liked it a lot. You should put other stories up! Thanks!
 
KateLA replied...
May 27, 2012 at 12:53 am :
I loved your comment, thank you so much! I have a lot of other stories that I've kept hidden as well, I'm really paranoid about someone trying to plagerize my work-and since one of my friends did it, that didn't exactly help, lol. I just had to keep reminding myself that I had proof that I made it and I got over some of the stress. The criticism can be bad-I got called a freak once or twice, and someone said my story was pointless, but until I get an agent I'm keeping it up! I would recomend you... (more »)
 
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AbigailElizabeth said...
May 25, 2012 at 7:35 pm:
wow you're talented
 
KateLA replied...
May 27, 2012 at 12:46 am :
Thank you!
 
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redneck,girl said...
May 25, 2012 at 7:13 am:
i wanted to be able to read more....my eyes started to get wide as i kept reading....dont stop writing
 
KateLA replied...
May 25, 2012 at 6:44 pm :
Thank you! I'll be sure to check out your work.
 
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Writer_Jordan said...
May 18, 2012 at 8:52 am:
I find both horror and mystery to be two of the most challenging subjects to write. I love the descriptive writing, however I have a recommendation to make. When I read your story, I find it to be a tiny bit cliche. I have watched countless horror movies and books. This is just falling within the average of horror stories. I love your writing, and can envision success, but there is a pattern I know that most successful horror writers use. In the past, this is what made horror movies very frighte... (more »)
 
KateLA replied...
May 18, 2012 at 4:11 pm :
I suppose it has more of a horror feel than mystery at this point, but if the rest of it was available for viewing it would make a lot more sense (last I checked there was an error that kept people from getting to the second page). I loved your work, congrats on editor's choice!
 
Writer_Jordan replied...
May 18, 2012 at 6:06 pm :
Thanks I'll continue reading!! It is really shallow to judge an entire work on the first page anyways
 
KateLA replied...
May 18, 2012 at 6:55 pm :
Thank you :-) I'll be sure to comment again to tell you when the error get's fixed.
 
KateLA replied...
May 23, 2012 at 5:59 pm :
Just in case you're interested the error got fixed :-)
 
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S-A-M-14-06-94This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 18, 2012 at 2:09 am:
its interesting but quite too long. slice down the number of words
 
KateLA replied...
May 18, 2012 at 2:11 am :
Okay, thank you for the comment, I'll keep that in mind.
 
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Lacer said...
May 17, 2012 at 4:25 pm:

You have an interesting idea. An interesting flow. But its so jumpy and confusing, I don't know what's happening. I thought she was running, but then her friends weren't tied up, and were hitting their heads on windows? And somehow she knew what the killer was thinking, and that he was a quiet kind of person, and she had seen him before? If your bringing us into the middle of the action, we need a lot better character developement, and a lot better explained action. You can't just... (more »)

 
KateLA replied...
May 17, 2012 at 9:18 pm :

WHOA, you wrote a ton of stuff...Of course I appreciate your comment and opinions (which I'll return to you), though most of what you said didn't make much sense and some of it wasn't anywhere in the chapter/book in general. It's interesting that you say I put people into the killer's head when I don't once say what he's thinking, but OK...and they were banging their heads on the windows to try and shatter them for broken shards of glass which could use to cut through their ties.

I adm... (more »)

 
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