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If I kissed you...

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Author's note: Writing is my passion. If I don't write daily, I feel like my day is incomplete. I wrote this to...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: Writing is my passion. If I don't write daily, I feel like my day is incomplete. I wrote this to showcase where I am currently at, regarding talent in writing. Currently I have at least five other books I've started on which have the same amount of dedication and talent. When I manage to get a publisher I'll publish them as well when they are finished. This is the first big piece I've put out there that I feel truly shows where I am at in my writing. If you like it, keep in mind this is only part 1, and part 2 is in the works. Any good and constructive feedback is more than welcome. The more feedback I get, the more I will consider there being a part three.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 20 21 22

Still Here

Raiden stood over his body, watching it convulsing as my empty eyes saw nothing.
This wasn't real. It couldn't be. My future was with him, now where had it gone?
His towering body walked my way, no longer sauntering in confidence, but completely drained.

Raiden stopped a few feet away from me, as he wiped his hand across his forehead, it came up covered with blood. He looked away into the desert towards the direction of the motor-home.
I felt him look back to me then.
I know I always get frustrated with endings like this, so it's kind of ironic that my story just turned out that way. I've come up with an epilogue that leaves an opening for a sequel, and I'm really intrigued at how it's forming out right now. So if any of you are interested in hearing about it just ask, and once it's written I can add it on. I know John got bitten by a snake and was basically left to die and that you might be disappointed with that-this isn't the most uplifting ending after all. It's just how it all came to me, and I really feel that it was just how the story was destined to be told. But, as I said-there is more that happens after this and if you guys are interested be sure to comment and tell me what you think. I would love to hear from everyone reading this-I need to know you if you like it-or what you would want changed, or to happen? Your ideas and feedback are always appreciated.
“Do you see now? He was weak, not meant to survive. They are like toys-helpless, meant for your own pleasure.”
Nothing in my mind would work. It was like an abandoned factory, with no right gears to match the machines. Everything felt empty.
Raiden pushed me around so that my back was facing him, and I heard a knife flick open and then the sawing away at the rope. He was only cutting away at the rope connecting me to the car-the other part, tying my wrists together he left.
When it had torn loose he suddenly reached around and jolted me by my stomach back to him, pressing my back against his chest.
His lips pressed against my cheek and I felt that fire light back up within me. “He wasn't fit for a woman like you.” he confided.
I started screaming in anger at him like a banshee, kicking backwards at his legs, elbowing his torso, struggling against him so hard he grunted and yelled with every hard-earned kick and elbow. He wrapped his arm around my waist to keep me from running to John's body and took in all the kicks and blows in order to get the door open. He threw me inside, and locked the door.
I gasped as the top of my finger was slit open from the impact with something on the seat, I stilled myself and gingerly felt the sharp object it had run into-the razor! As Raiden stalked around the car I got a hold of it and remained still, waiting for him to be distracted driving the car before I started to file it against my bonds.
Biting my lips to keep myself from flaring out anymore, I heard the jingle of the keys as he took them out of his back pocket and opened his door. He paused, looking over at something, and slammed the door back shut, walking around the car back to where he had thrown me against it so many times. I started filing fast to make some leeway into it as he was distracted. I looked around to where he was looking. There was a rip in the hood of the car. He stalked back around to the driver's seat and flipped a switch, and the hood started retracting back.
“I think you just need a little fresh air.” he ground out, getting into the driver's seat and starting up the car.
Raiden glanced over at me suspiciously. “What's wrong? All the fight gone out of you so suddenly?”
Staring him straight in the eye, I glared at him, tight-lipped.
Jutting his chin out at me, he looked away at the caves. Something about them seemed to put him on edge and he revved up the car, pivoting it away and in the direction of the motor-home. After about fifteen seconds of driving and of filing away, he suddenly looked at me and I stilled.
Making myself look over at him I saw that he was gazing at me with this questioning gaze, as though he were asking, 'Why don't you understand what I did?' with his eyes. I glared back at him and he returned a stoic look to me, and looked back to the road, clenching his jaw.
I continued filing, I was about half-way through already.

“You do.” he confirmed, to himself or the air, I wasn't sure until he looked at me.
I was curious what he meant, but so close to getting free, I ignored his pointless rambling and just kept filing anyways.

“You do protect those you care about with the same effort as I do to kill them.” he finished, looking at me for some kind of response.
I looked back at him in confusion, wondering what he thought he would gain from saying this to me-was it supposed to be some sort of a compliment? How could it be when all my friends and the people I cared about who had come in contact with him had died?
Unexpectedly I shaved off the last strand and felt my wrists freed, though I kept them back still, and just stared at him in muted confusion.
Then it all came to me.
“No...I don't.” I shook my head. “How could I when you managed to kill them all? You're better at killing than I am at saving people...but you're missing something.” I said quietly.
Raiden looked elated at what he perceived as a compliment from me to him, but when he heard that he was missing something his brows immediately furrowed in question to find out what it was and fix it to impress me.
“What?” he asked, genuinely needing to know the answer.
I looked at his wanting eyes coldly and calculating, “Your razor.” I said quietly.
The second he realized it in his eyes-that I had the razor he'd used to play one of his twisted mind games with me I whipped my freed arm around and slashed his throat.
He screamed and lost control of the car as he tried to block me and the air suddenly went still as the car flipped over in what seemed like hours as I saw the razor fall from my grasp and I was slammed into the ground of the desert as the car hurtled over me, with him still in it holding on to the steering wheel.

Looking to the cracked, golden sand below me, I felt this pressure in my thigh and heard the ongoing crashing wreckage of the car Raiden had used to kill so many people.
Hands pressed firmly into the little partings and crevasses of the baked sand, I lifted my chin up to see the car roll over one last time in the distance, his body had been ejected like me, only further away towards the wreckage.
“Uh!” I lifted myself up, and felt this intense stinging in my thigh. Balancing on one leg, I looked down to see the edge of the razor sticking out from it. I tried prying it out and that's when I really felt the pain. I started dry heaving and felt back on the ground, cradling my thigh, keeping it still. I shrugged off my jacket and without thinking, grabbed the edge of the razor and ripped it out.
Screaming in agony I let the pain pass and picked the razor back up to shear off a long piece of the coat. The fabric shredded easily and I tied it around my upper thigh tight, for a tourniquet.
Hissing from the pain, I got up and watched Raiden's still body for any signs of movement. I was sure I slit his throat, but it hadn't felt right-it felt like a shallow cut. Kneeling down, still eying him I felt for the razor and slid it into the back of my pocket. I watched him for a good ten minutes, apprehensive still, I finally limped closer to him.
I stepped on something solid and looked down. It was his hunting knife. I picked it up and walked nearer and nearer.
Lightening struck me as I felt this wave go through me-this primal warning. I heard a moan-his head jerked as he looked up and shakily got up to his feet. He swayed-I was still too far away from him to make an ambush attack and even so-I was wounded. Shiny, red blood flowed from the long slit I'd managed to make and it looked as though it had already stopped bleeding. He brought his hand up to it and felt the cut, registering how deep it was-and then looked straight at me with daggers in his eyes.
“No,” I murmured, shaking my head. I'd won-that mind game he played on me-I had won it. Some naive voice inside started screeching, 'No-it's not fair-it's not fair-how could this be happening-' and then I bolted for the caves.
I ran through the golden desert, and the searing cut on my thigh as it was stretched over and over with every stride I'd make-he must have been given another knock to his head because he never was able to catch up to me-he just maintained this steady, weak jogging behind me. I continued running and cutting through the air with the hunting knife as my arms moved with my sprint.
My foot caught a rock and I fell to the ground, barely missing my face with the knife. I darted my head around to see that he was making more progress towards me. For one moment in which time stood still a wave of debilitating hopelessness swept through me and weighed me down to the ground. I had this strong urge to give up-to just give in-John was dead, what did it matter?
Then I lifted my face up to see the caves-only fifty feet away. I made myself get up and move-for John-for revenge-for life, and pushed the urge away as I ran to the edge of the rocks and climbed up them into the blackness.
As I fumbled through the darkness trying to remember the way John had aimlessly led me, I heard Raiden stumble up the rocks behind me and it fueled my desire to get to the light-to the boulders where I could hide and surprise-attack him.
I climbed over rocks, and when my hand slapped down on a loose piece of rubble on one of them I hurled it back into the blackness, where I estimated Raiden to be.
“Ah!” he yelped.
But it seemed to only make him faster as I heard him thundering across boulders no longer paying any heed to cuts or bruises he may get.
Whirling around a corner, I saw it-the cavern illuminated with the light. Quickly scanning it, I picked out a place near the entrance that was shadowed the most and slipped into it, making sure I was making no shadow of my own on the ground. I stilled myself and pretended I wasn't even there-I was see-through, I was hollow. A part of the wall itself.
He appeared, bursting into the room of rocks as he panted, it looked as though for a second he considered leaning against the wall to conserve some energy, but immediately rejected it for show of weakness.
Raiden walked into the middle of the cavern, the reflection of the sun dancing off the blood on his face.
'I never wanted to kill anyone.' a little voice inside me whispered.

“Come out!” he demanded, voice shaking.
When I didn't do as he said, he wheeled around looking through the room, squinting through the shadows. Then, after twitching some, he made up his mind and he started waiving his arms around hesitantly in the shadowed areas and peering behind rocks. That's when an idea came to me and I knew what I'd have to do next to finish this. I slid out the razor and replaced it with the hunting knife in my back pocket.
As soon as his back was to me in the distance I padded over to the same boulder that John and I had hid behind from him. I let my shadow show that I had a razor, and waited in terror for the moment to come.

I heard him stop moving-as though suddenly alerted to my presence and I felt him moving closer and closer to me. Soon I saw his shadow next to mine. Abandoning all fear, I jumped from behind the boulder and hurled myself at him.
Instantly he grabbed my wrist and twisted it until the razor dropped from my hand, then he threw me against the wall-he violently shoved me against it three times as he ground his teeth in an infuriated grimace and threw me to the ground on my back, knocking the wind out of me.
I looked up at him-a deer caught in headlights, defenseless as I shuffled backwards on my elbows and feet, trying to lift myself-then stumbling, letting him know I wasn't strong enough to get up.
He grinned at me-with a tint of irony, triumphant, his confident stride having been fully returned.

“You know what I thought about you when I first saw you?” he asked, wincing as he crouched down.
He answered his own question. “How breath-taking you would look, staring up at me like that in bed.” Raiden held up his left hand, admiring it, “and when I felt you that night in the desert...” I looked at him in horrified realization as he sharply inhaled the air as though smelling me. “-when your useless boyfriend wandered off to take a piss-I knew such a wondrous creature like yourself belonged nowhere near his feeble, fragile hands-” he laughed once under his breath.
“And even if he had been stronger-I still would've killed him to have you.” he finished raggedly as his eyes drifted down my helpless body.
He smiled as though paradise were finally his and pressed himself on top of me as I slid my hand into my back pocket taking out the hunting knife and ramming it into his flesh as hard as I could.
Raiden's eyes widened in shock and he choked from the impact and the pain as he lifted himself off me to find the knife sticking out from his torso.

Close to throwing up, I let go of my helpless act and got up, backing away from him and the horror of what I'd done until my back slapped into the wall. Though I knew it wasn't right, I still felt as though I'd stabbed myself; as though I'd stabbed a piece of me.
Staring at him in undisguised horror, I watched as he fingered the hilt of the hunting knife and looked up at me.
“You can never have me,” I half-whispered, half-sobbed.
His eyes looked torn to shreds by what I'd said, his lips moved but he couldn't bring himself to say the words and make the noises come.
“You don't know how long I've waited for someone like you.” he spoke to me in a hoarse voice, his eyes confiding.
My chin quivered and I suddenly burst into tears-from how messed up and utterly broken he was-from John dying-my friends-everything.

He gave me a knowing, saddened grin. “Don't you feel it?” he asked me raspy and weak.

“What am I supposed to feel?!” I wailed at him.
Raiden only looked at me in shock.
“-What-am-I-supposed-to-feel?!!” I lamented again, screeching at him, as my voice echoed through the cave.
“Us.” he choked, his eyes wide and almost child-like in his simple wanting and desire.
“W-what?” I sobbed, disgusted and sorrowful. He blinked for the first time showing this emotion-this bareness.
“YOU KILLED HIM!” I screamed, my hand pointing at him aimlessly, countering his sorrow-why did I feel for him in any way-why? I'm so sick.
“You're trying to deny it, but you know what you feel...” he rasped.
I shook my head uncontrollably, “No-no-NO!” My legs gave out and I found myself limp on my knees just as he was.
His face turned whiter than it ever had and he fell onto his back as his eyes wondered at what was happening to him-how his life was now the one draining.

“I never wanted to kill anyone...” This realization swept over me and I gave a wail as I realized I didn't want someone-anyone to die because of me-I didn't want to kill anyone-not even this monster-this monster who had scars like me-who suffered like me-“No!”
I could actually feel something-this sympathy course through me, I couldn't understand why, but I still felt it, and it was overpowering. I crawled over to him, and shakily pressed my hands to staunch the blood soaking out from the edge of the knife as I leaned over him, panicking.

“W-what would it feel like?” he trembled, locking his gray eyes, penetrating and wondering to my shocked, blue ones.
This strong possession crossed over his face as he jerked up one last time and strung his fingers through my hair, wrenching my neck to him. He was kissing me-his lips pressing into mine, messily caressing them and I drifted momentarily into heaven.

Mine seemed to meld with him-John's last kiss-I kissed him as passionately as I could, our lips locked and possessing each other. We mashed our kisses together like animals, my hand slid over his heart and his gripped it-keeping it there-I felt this pounding.
Then as suddenly as it had started...his lips went still. Raiden's-not John's head, fell back to the floor. I no longer felt that pounding-that sound, that feeling.
Raiden's open gray eyes looked into a paradise I couldn't see. They saw one last thing; hope-for the future-for love-for himself. And that's how they would now stay, forever. Forever looking at this hope he now had, however late he had gotten it before he died.
I stared at him in shock, this was the first time I ever saw him at peace. He had felt something he never had before he died; his chiseled face-I couldn't stop staring in disbelief that he was gone-dead-that he was-

I bolted out the caves as his empty, glassy eyes overwhelmed me, and out into the desert-a lone body in the wilderness.
Running and running and running, through the heat pressing down on me, past the wreckage, towards the trailer.

I'm free! Oh God, I'm free!
Suddenly my heart constricted and I stumbled to the ground, “JOHN!” I wailed in sudden pain for him, momentarily I looked around scanning the desert with my eyes, expecting him to run to me once he heard. Nothing.
He was gone...gone...I made my limp legs move like I would a puppet with it's strings, and ran from John's dead body-from Raiden's dead body, to the trailer as I saw it's silhouette in the distance of the sunset-the shadows threatening to settle down upon me before I made it.
I got there, pressing my hands to the white of the trailer to make sure it was real and panting, I fell to the ground before it-sobbing and screaming for what seemed like hours, curling up into a little ball as I wailed.
It was all over.
I crawled up out of my fetal position and opened the door of the trailer, violently wrenching out every single drawer in it for the keys to it-keys-keys-keys-

“I wondered what it was like.”
I screamed as I whipped around to see him-Raiden, slumped over on the door frame-the hilt of the knife still stuck in his side. He was staring at me with the same emptiness I saw when he was dead.

“I wondered what I would feel if I kissed you.”
Hyperventilating, I grabbed the fruit bowl and smashed it against the counter, holding out the jagged edge in defense, “Don't you dare come any closer!”
He held out his hand to me, “Come with me.” he practically whispered, sounding like the wind itself. A strong desire for love devoured his eyes, though they were wounded from my rebuff.

“No.” I scarcely made the sound.
Raiden blew away with the next gust of wind rushing through the open trailer door.



I was alone.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 20 21 22


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This book has 125 comments. Post your own!

Lacer said...
May 17, 2012 at 4:25 pm:

You have an interesting idea. An interesting flow. But its so jumpy and confusing, I don't know what's happening. I thought she was running, but then her friends weren't tied up, and were hitting their heads on windows? And somehow she knew what the killer was thinking, and that he was a quiet kind of person, and she had seen him before? If your bringing us into the middle of the action, we need a lot better character developement, and a lot better explained action. You can't just... (more »)

 
Lacer replied...
May 17, 2012 at 10:15 pm :

Hey, I'm not particularly miffed, just frustrated. The problem with the writing style is that you shouldn't have to explain it, it should be clear when you're transitioning scenes, (use double paragraph breaks or asterik lines) and when I said that the killer was usually quiet, I mean that "How did she know he was usually quiet?" Did they hang out or something?

Your action should be clear, not in need of explanation. You have to explain the events as they are happening, not in q... (more »)

 
KateLA replied...
May 17, 2012 at 10:33 pm :

It's obvious you're just looking for some heated debate that quite frankly I'm not much interested in and have better things to do such as finishing the proposal submission I'm sending in to possible angencies.

You are the only one having problems with it.

And another person who at first couldn't understand it, re-read it and admitted she hadn't read through it carefully enough. No offense, but it's obvious you've spent more time writing and nit-picking than reading.

 
Lacer replied...
May 18, 2012 at 7:18 am :

You mean like all those heated debates on my other reviews? Everyone else, even the people that I'm harsher on, haven't taken this so personally. I understand that writing is your passion, but you can't say it deosn't need improvement just because you love it the way it is. It needs improvement, I'm not debating about.

Can I point out that very few people on TeenInk actually review things? And currently, I'm the only one volunteering without requiring reciprocation? Maybe t... (more »)

 
KateLA replied...
May 18, 2012 at 3:51 pm :
Dude, you're the one giving me a PAGE and a half about how you couldn't understand something that was clear. Yes, I'll work on my transitions-now will you please chill out?
 
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TheCapturedBatThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 17, 2012 at 9:11 am:
This is very good horror. the only thing i don't like about it is that you don't reveal very much about the characters before they are put in this situation. then again, i've only read the first page!
 
KateLA replied...
May 17, 2012 at 8:27 pm :
Oh yeah, I should say that right now there's an error that won't let you get to the 2nd page (wouldn't let me and another person do it anyways) so whether you only chose to read the first or couldn't get to the 2nd, I guess you should know. Thanks for the comment, I'll be sure to return the favor!
 
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KateLA said...
May 15, 2012 at 5:02 pm:
I just wanted to post this as a warning to some people because sadly I caught one of my (ex) friends trying to plagiarize my work. She knows who she is and I will not name names. She is now in a lot of trouble at her school. I just wanted to say that I have all the proof and back-up on my computer to prove that this is my own, original work and if anyone tries to do the same thing again it won't end well for them.
 
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JilliAN042599 said...
May 4, 2012 at 2:58 pm:
i like the part where his head rolls right nexts to her legs now that is gros lol!!!!1 loved it
 
KateLA replied...
May 23, 2012 at 5:58 pm :
She knocks him out with her feet, lol, thanks :-)
 
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Maddyw5 said...
May 2, 2012 at 1:55 pm:
My computer only lets me read the first chapter!! But from what I have read, this novel is amazing!  I love the mystery and action right of the bat.  Great job!
 
KateLA replied...
May 2, 2012 at 7:15 pm :
Thank you so much! I loved your articles by the way-congrats on Editor's Choice!
 
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whiterose said...
Apr. 23, 2012 at 9:25 pm:
This is an amazing story...it held me captive from the first chapter.  It's really interesting and it has great plot twists.  Keep writing...also can you check out some of my work! :)
 
KateLA replied...
Apr. 24, 2012 at 4:58 pm :
Sure, I'd love to! Thanks for commenting! :-)
 
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NamesKill. said...
Apr. 17, 2012 at 5:47 am:

Usually I don’t really read this sort of thing, but today has been an exception.

This is AMAZING!!... I saw your thread about reading only two pages and that was my intention but I couldn't help but continue reading this wicked novel.

You so need to write part three & continue the story!...
I particularly like the way you use repetition of words, it familiarises the reader with the text and allows for them to be reminded and recall previous parts that they... (more »)

 
KateLA replied...
Apr. 17, 2012 at 5:12 pm :
I love your comment so much! Your comment just made my whole week-Thank you! Jeez, I feel like commenting on every PIECE of your work now, I think I will, ;-D
 
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dragonfly95 said...
Apr. 13, 2012 at 8:18 am:
its good, with a few minor tweaks it would be awsome! i loved how imaginative it was and your characters are well developed, i couldnt stop reading! i read the entire thing :) i can totally see this asa published peace of work and best seller, you obviuosly have tremendous talent! :) and thanks for your awsome comment on my article ''a mother's love'' :)
 
KateLA replied...
Apr. 13, 2012 at 5:20 pm :
Thank you! I love your comment so much :-) You just made my day!
 
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compassionThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Apr. 13, 2012 at 5:09 am:
 sry no time to read the entire thing. but looking at the summary i already love the story!i will make time and will enjoy every word of your writing:)
 
KateLA replied...
Apr. 13, 2012 at 5:18 pm :
 Thank you very much! :-)
 
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Angel_In_Disguise said...
Apr. 12, 2012 at 6:44 am:
This was really really good. There was one part that really confused me though. It was when John and the main girl were fighting their captor. The way your main character was talking, I couldn't tell if she was attacking John or their captor. Other than that I absolutely LOVED it!
 
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