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If I kissed you...

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Author's note: Writing is my passion. If I don't write daily, I feel like my day is incomplete. I wrote this to...  Show full author's note »
Author's note: Writing is my passion. If I don't write daily, I feel like my day is incomplete. I wrote this to showcase where I am currently at, regarding talent in writing. Currently I have at least five other books I've started on which have the same amount of dedication and talent. When I manage to get a publisher I'll publish them as well when they are finished. This is the first big piece I've put out there that I feel truly shows where I am at in my writing. If you like it, keep in mind this is only part 1, and part 2 is in the works. Any good and constructive feedback is more than welcome. The more feedback I get, the more I will consider there being a part three.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 22 Next »

Illusions of Reality

Pop! I awoke, gasping-he was here-he was here! I stumbled on my knees, looking around a boulder. I saw a small pebble on the dusty surface of the large rock. Someone was throwing rocks at me. I looked into the emptiness of the desert, and saw a figure in the distance. It was dragging a person and walking towards me, long legs sauntering. I stumbled down the rocks and started running the opposite direction.

“Right here baby! I got him!”
I halted in my sprint and gasped in relief and shock, “John!” I turned back to the sound of his voice. It must be John dragging Jen! Why would he be dragging the killer after all. Jen must be alive! I ran around the boulders towards him.
“I'm here baby, I got him!” he yelled again.
I stumbled and slowed. It sounded more like he was wailing out the words. I strained to see his figure. I was within thirty feet now and I walked slowly trying to get my sight in focus. Something didn't sound right in his voice. “You need to come to me!”
“Honey, are you hurt?!”
He stopped walking immediately. Stone cold. He looked taller than I remembered, but maybe it was the night shadows. I still couldn't see the details of his body. But I did see his free hand holding something.
“-I got-” he wailed, then collapsed.
“JOHN!” I ran full-speed to him, and reached him in seconds.
It wasn't John. His hair was short stubble and red. It was the killer, and John was who he was dragging. In his free hand was a tape recorder. I screamed, jerking my body back, trying to double back to run, but his hands clasped hard around my ankle and he tore me back to him as my body writhed in the sand and brush, twisting like a strangled cat, trying to get away. He managed to drag me, inch by screaming inch to him, his determined face was breathing hard from the exertion as he finally raised a rock and brought it down to the side of my head.

“Ain't nothin' sweeter than those Georgia peaches!” Jen and I sang, dancing to the tune. Maleah was dozing off in the passenger seat.
We were off on our way to the Mojave desert, the convertible top rolled down, dancing on top of the car seats, wind blowing in our hair refreshing us, as we drank and sang; moving our hips, flipping our hair, and twisting our torsos in dance. John was at the wheel, stealing a look back at us when he couldn't resist.
“Georgia Peaches!” Jen sang the last part as I wriggled my butt this way and that. We both laughed hysterically. Hunched up in my hysterics was when I saw the large, beat up, black car behind us.
“Hahh, you think he's having some fun watchin' us?” I exclaimed.
“Hell yeah!” yelled Jen as she started dancing to the next tune. I looked uncomfortably for a moment at the car behind us, wondering whose eyes were watching behind the tinted window. But then Jen started singing lines at me and I sang some back at her, forgetting the guy and dancing to the next tune. My hair was getting blown everywhere.

“Ah!” I awoke to chains clinking in a chorus against the shed's wall.
Light streamed into the shack, the heavy doors had been kicked open with enough force to slam against their accompanying walls. An icy blade of horror swept through me as I realized I was on his bed, one of my wrists tied to the frame in the farthest corner which was pinned against the wall. I scrambled to the corner and brought my knees up to shield from any attack.
He came in after I had positioned myself in the corner of the bed against the wood planks holding the tiny room together. As if he were biding his time. As he walked in he grinned an awkward smile at me.
“Where's John?”
His smile left, a barrenness in his eyes much like the desert, washed over his face instantly. Silent still, he turned his back to me and slung a bloody hand towel over the chair Maleah had been sitting on. From the window behind it I could see the other shed.
I swallowed my horror. “...I know Maleah is dead. Will you please tell me if John is too?”
He turned his head barely looking my way, the profile of his chiseled face showing off his prominent nose. “No.” he quietly answered. It was obvious the 'no' meant he wouldn't tell me.
I was about to ask him if he would not give me any relief, when I realized he could take that the wrong way and I held my words back just in time.
He cleared his throat, and walked over to the rustic dresser by the nightstand, I tucked my legs to me further cringing away from him as he pulled out an old ratty work towel and wiped dirt and sweat off his face. He then proceeded to wipe blood off his hands. Some of it was too stained to be wiped away without water. He ignored the bits that wouldn't wipe away, setting down the cloth and fingering some of the hunting knives he had lined up in a row on top of the dresser. His eyes looked up from them at me. There was silence as we looked at each other; cold, blue eyes against his penetrating gray, we both seemed to know what the other was thinking and I seemed to actually see him-something in his eyes for the first time, that was not masked over. Something bare and laid to judgment before me, if only for one moment in time. He was the first to break the gaze, and looked away, dropping the hilt of the knife back to it's place as he turned his back to me.
I decided he might actually tell me something now. I didn't dare mention John, but I hadn't seen Jen's body.
“If you won't answer me whether John is dead,” my voice broke the silence, unwelcome and tense. “Would you tell me...is Jen dead?”
“Yes.” he answered curtly, as he grabbed the towel off the dresser and stalked out.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 22 Next »


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This book has 125 comments. Post your own now!

ShayleeMar said...
Jul. 21, 2012 at 6:55 pm
Wow!! That ending gosh I'm crying! You killed all of the main characters except for her!!!! So well written it is amazing!!!! I love it!!!!!!
 
KateLA replied...
Jul. 21, 2012 at 11:21 pm
Thank you very much! If you have any articles you'd like me to read over and comment on, let me know :-)
 
Emmeranne said...
Jun. 10, 2012 at 10:28 pm
oh wow its great! u should post more stories like it
 
KateLA replied...
Jun. 11, 2012 at 3:26 am
Thank you very much!
 
Court_CourtThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jun. 4, 2012 at 1:59 pm
This is an amazing book and I really enjoyed it!!!
 
KateLA replied...
Jun. 4, 2012 at 3:28 pm
Thank you!
 
KestrelThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
May 26, 2012 at 1:40 pm
 AHH! That's it?! Epilogue, please. Great job! I haven't had the guts to put up much more than poems and pictures, so all of my stories are hidden away. I do have one that is similar to this, though, but shorter. Anyhow, I liked it a lot. You should put other stories up! Thanks!
 
KateLA replied...
May 27, 2012 at 12:53 am
I loved your comment, thank you so much! I have a lot of other stories that I've kept hidden as well, I'm really paranoid about someone trying to plagerize my work-and since one of my friends did it, that didn't exactly help, lol. I just had to keep reminding myself that I had proof that I made it and I got over some of the stress. The criticism can be bad-I got called a freak once or twice, and someone said my story was pointless, but until I get an agent I'm keeping it up! I would recomend you... (more »)
 
AbigailElizabeth said...
May 25, 2012 at 7:35 pm
wow you're talented
 
KateLA replied...
May 27, 2012 at 12:46 am
Thank you!
 
redneck,girl said...
May 25, 2012 at 7:13 am
i wanted to be able to read more....my eyes started to get wide as i kept reading....dont stop writing
 
KateLA replied...
May 25, 2012 at 6:44 pm
Thank you! I'll be sure to check out your work.
 
Writer_Jordan said...
May 18, 2012 at 8:52 am
I find both horror and mystery to be two of the most challenging subjects to write. I love the descriptive writing, however I have a recommendation to make. When I read your story, I find it to be a tiny bit cliche. I have watched countless horror movies and books. This is just falling within the average of horror stories. I love your writing, and can envision success, but there is a pattern I know that most successful horror writers use. In the past, this is what made horror movies very frighte... (more »)
 
KateLA replied...
May 18, 2012 at 4:11 pm
I suppose it has more of a horror feel than mystery at this point, but if the rest of it was available for viewing it would make a lot more sense (last I checked there was an error that kept people from getting to the second page). I loved your work, congrats on editor's choice!
 
Writer_Jordan replied...
May 18, 2012 at 6:06 pm
Thanks I'll continue reading!! It is really shallow to judge an entire work on the first page anyways
 
KateLA replied...
May 18, 2012 at 6:55 pm
Thank you :-) I'll be sure to comment again to tell you when the error get's fixed.
 
KateLA replied...
May 23, 2012 at 5:59 pm
Just in case you're interested the error got fixed :-)
 
S-A-M-14-06-94This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
May 18, 2012 at 2:09 am
its interesting but quite too long. slice down the number of words
 
KateLA replied...
May 18, 2012 at 2:11 am
Okay, thank you for the comment, I'll keep that in mind.
 
Lacer said...
May 17, 2012 at 4:25 pm

You have an interesting idea. An interesting flow. But its so jumpy and confusing, I don't know what's happening. I thought she was running, but then her friends weren't tied up, and were hitting their heads on windows? And somehow she knew what the killer was thinking, and that he was a quiet kind of person, and she had seen him before? If your bringing us into the middle of the action, we need a lot better character developement, and a lot better explained action. You can't just... (more »)

 
KateLA replied...
May 17, 2012 at 9:18 pm

WHOA, you wrote a ton of stuff...Of course I appreciate your comment and opinions (which I'll return to you), though most of what you said didn't make much sense and some of it wasn't anywhere in the chapter/book in general. It's interesting that you say I put people into the killer's head when I don't once say what he's thinking, but OK...and they were banging their heads on the windows to try and shatter them for broken shards of glass which could use to cut through their ties.

I adm... (more »)

 

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