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He Murdered for Her

Author's note: I love thriller's and it just felt right for me to write one.
Author's note: I love thriller's and it just felt right for me to write one.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 11 Next »


"Please, Vanessa, I did it so we could be together.” Tomas shouted through the door to me. How could this happen? I shoved my knees to my chest and draped my arms around them. I had hidden in my closet trying to escape the reality of what just happened. They’re all gone. Jared, my baby girl and my family. My eyes began to well up with tears as the sun began to set. Tomas has been yelling for me to come out for hours. He would occasionally bang on the door but that didn’t help. Suddenly it got quiet for a couple minutes. Then the banging started again. It became more frequent now. He didn’t talk. All I heard was metal banging against thick wood. My breath started to quicken as I began to realize what Tomas was doing. He’s trying to break down the door!
Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 11 Next »

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This book has 12 comments. Post your own now!

Kaitquincy said...
Oct. 16, 2013 at 1:01 pm
Awesome! Wow this was amazing
Freckles3 said...
Jan. 12, 2013 at 9:51 pm
I read this at NIGHT. Now Tomas is gonna attack me while I sleep, I just know it. If I can sleep. You're gonna give me nightmares! (That means you did a good job)
Timekeeper This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 18, 2012 at 5:17 pm
Every once in a while the sentences ran on a little too long. Other than that, I loved it! I am definitely looking forward to a sequel!
BabyDocra said...
Jan. 16, 2012 at 6:07 am
Also, feel free to take a look at my stuff. There will be more uploaded soon :)
BabyDocra said...
Jan. 16, 2012 at 6:06 am
I really enjoyed reading this :) You have wonderful ideas, and a brilliant storyline. I would suggest that if you do a sequel, to pad out the chapters more, and to not make some actions or what the characters say so cliché and expected. Try to put a spin on it, but don't make it obvious. Describe actions more, so the reader can see exactly what they're doing or thinking. Other than that, I completely loved it, some moments where I could relate to the main character. I would definitely love to ... (more »)
AngelsLullaby replied...
Jan. 16, 2012 at 1:11 pm
Thank you :) I think I did better in my second book called "The Devils Rose." But thanks for your feedback :)
Kev-Girl said...
Oct. 13, 2011 at 10:53 am
Oh please do a sequel! This is amazing! I love books like this, so I read the whole thing! This is really good, and I wanna know what happens! Please keep writing! :)
AngelsLullaby replied...
Oct. 13, 2011 at 2:14 pm

Thank you :)

Will be working on the sequel soon :)

Kev-Girl replied...
Oct. 13, 2011 at 2:29 pm
YAY! :)    
Emiri replied...
Oct. 13, 2011 at 3:22 pm
I love the plot here. Dude, it's awesome. Or, dudette. But as critique, you seem to always start with teh subject, then the action. Some diversity in this pattern would be nice. And some description in between actions. I'm not gonna tell ya about grammer or spelling, cuz, well, that's just easily fixed with Grammer Checker. I hate it when people critique me on teh grammer.
AngelsLullaby replied...
Oct. 13, 2011 at 3:44 pm
I've never really thought of starting with the subject as a bad thing. But thanks for the tip. And I wasn't aware there were spelling errors or grammar problems. Though the spell check got that all for me.
PinkSkittlezInMahMouth replied...
Dec. 4, 2011 at 3:26 pm
no fense but i dont undestand emri's "critique"

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