Secrets Kept Within
Prologue"Lizzy? Lizzy, are you OK?"
I heard a voice, off in the distance.
"Lizzy?!" Now, the voice was more urgent.
I opened my mouth, no sound was coming out. I saw a shape in the corner of my eye move and startled into movement. I gave a small cry of surprise as I fell back of my chair, and hit the ground.
"Oh!" I gasped as pain seared in my head.
"Lizzy! Lizzy, are you alright?" My best friend, Ammi asked.
She stood over me and held out her hands for me. I let her pull me up, a bit to fast. I staggered when she let go and was caught by her,
"Thanks." I mumbled, putting a hand to the back of my head.
"I'll get some ice. I'll be right back." She said and left my bedroom.
I heard her pound down the stairs and flinch at the noise. I moved to my bed and laid down. I closed my eyes and put my hands over my face, trying to think past the pounding in my head.
"Lizzy? I got the ice." Ammi said softly.
I lifted my hands and looked at her. she held out the ice pack to me. I sat up,slowly, and took it from her.
"Thanks." I told her again.
She smiled and nodded. I sat besides her and gave her a one-armed hug. The pounding was slowing down. I looked at her and she smiled again. You know how in romance movies, right before a kiss, that romantic music goes off? Well, that's what was going through my head. I leaned towards her, she didn't back up. I stopped, inches from her face. She smelled of the mixture of strawberries and vanilla. They were my two favorite scents. She gave me a small smile and closed the few inches. I pressed my lips against hers. I pulled back from her and felt my cheeks flame. I bit my bottom lip and looked at the ground. I threw down the ice-pack and breathed deeply.
I looked at her. She lifted her hand and motioned for me to move back to her. I leaned towards her again. She kissed me, I kissed her back. A knock at the door made us jump and pull apart,
"Come in." I said, a little breathless.
The door opened and my oldest brother came in.
"Girls, its dinner time."
"We'll be down in a minute." I told him, forcing my eyes to stay on him.
"Alright. Ammi, are you staying the night?" He asked her.
She shook her head, shooting me an apologetic look.
"Nah. Mom wants me home tonight. Bill, my brother, is coming home tomorrow. We're going to pick him up at the airport early in the morning."
I swallowed a lump that had risen in my throat.
"OK. Do you need a ride?"
"Yeah. After dinner, is the OK?"
"Sure. You girls ready for dinner?"
I nodded, got up, kicked the ice-pack away, and lead the way downstairs.
That was the first time I had kissed a girl, but it wasn't the last.
It was sunny, a few days after the kiss, and I was laying on my back in the field behind our house. A shadow fell over me, I opened my eyes, slowly. A boy with shoulder length hair, with the tips dyed red, stood above me.
"Um hi?" I said, a little uncertainty.
"Hi. Your Elizabeth, right?"
He was wearing thick black sunglasses, so it was hard to determine if he was looking at me or not. I frowned and sat up.
"Joe said you were back here. He went to town, said I could hang out with you until he gets back. If you don't mind."
I recognized that voice and squinted up at him. I gasped.
"James?!" I exclaimed, jumping up.
"Good to see you to, Lizzy."He said, smiling.
I felt my knees go weak weak. I stifled a girly giggle.
"What are you doing here? I thought you lived in New York?"
"I flew down to visit for the summer. I heard you were in Washington."
I cleared my throat and crossed my arms over my chest. I looked off in the distance and shook my head. I was so not going to say anything on that subject.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to..."He started.
I cut him off. "Its fine,. Really." I said flatly, looking back at him.
"Can I stay here? Like, hang out with you?"
I gave a small smile and nodded. I sat back down and patted the spot next to me. He sat down.
"You've grown since we last saw each other."
I gave a small laugh." I was eight when we last saw each other." I reminded him.
"Oh, yeah. Sorry."
I looked at him. "You've grown to." I said softly.
He looked at me. "You've gotten beautiful." He murmured.
I could feel my fave flush, but I couldn't look away. Absentmindedly, I reached up and took his sunglasses off. He didn't try to stop me. His eyes were a baby blue, gentle looking. I caught my breath.
"You've gotten handsome." I told him.
He leaned towards me, I leaned towards him. The next thing I knew, his lips were on mine, his tongue in my mouth. I felt my hands reach up and instinctively wrap in his hair. I don't know what took over, but I was suddenly pulling him closer to me. His arms wrapped around and pulled me closer. My right hand slid down and slid under the bottom of his shirt. I felt his hand wrap around my wrist, pulled it away from his body, and pull back from me. We were both breathing hard. I pulled my wrist away.
"Sorry, James. I don't- I don't know what got into me." I breathed.
"Its OK. It just surprised me that's all. I like it though."
This time I couldn't stifle the girly giggle that escaped from my throat. He smiled and leaned into kiss me again. When we pulled away again, I looked at the ground and shook my head. I stood up and turned around, facing the mountains.
I, again, shook my head.
"I can't do this. I'm sorry." I mumbled.
"What are you talking about?" You can't do what?"
I turned back to him. "Me and you can't be an Us. We just can't."
I saw him swallow, holding back what I knew was an argument. I reached into my pockets and pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. I looked up at James and offered the pack to him.
"I don't smoke." He stated.
I shrugged and took out a cigarette. I lit it up and took a long drag from it, closing my eyes as I slowly exhaled.
"You shouldn't smoke." James said quietly.
I let out a shrill, cold, laugh. "I shouldn't do a lot of things I do, James!" I exclaimed, icily.
I was me again.
"Like what?" He asked, curiously.
I clenched and unclenched my jaw. I swallowed. what the Hell had I just gotten myself into?
"Like nothing. Nothing at all." I said, flatly.
He winced at my tone. I glanced back at he house. It was a very distant white spot. I squinted, pointed at it, and looked at James.
"When will Joe be back?" I asked.
He shrugged. "Dunno." He muttered, sitting back down.
I frowned and studied him for a few moments. I groaned and wrapped my arms around my wait. I started back towards the house. After a few minutes, I turned back and looked at James. I couldn't tell if was looking in my direction or the mountains from the distance I was, but I had a sudden urge to run back to him. I found myself daydreaming pf running back to him and throwing myself into his arms and letting him hold me and kiss me. I jerked myself out of the reverie, spun around, and fled towards my house. When I got to the house, I bounded up the porch, up the stairs into the hallway, and went to my room. I slammed my door shut, sped to my bedside table, turned my CD player on full blast, and threw myself on my bed. I buried my face in my pillow and let out a shrill, muffled, scream. I pounded and kicked the bed, screaming into the the pillow and started crying. This went on for about ten minuted. I stopped when I heard the front door open. Over the blaring music, I couldn't hear anyone voices or not, but I could hear the door shut. I looked sideways at my CD player. I closed my eyes and blocked everything from my mind. I slowly drifted into a very uneasy sleep.
'I sat on the grass and stared as James walked towards me. As he neared, I felt scared. I stood up and braced myself. I let out a shaky breath and my panic rose to an uncertain height. I feared, not or myself, but for James. I saw him smile as he closed into me. A roll of thunder rumbled somewhere off in the distance. I saw something shine. I wanted to move to him. For some reason unknown, I knew he was in grave danger. I tried to move to him, but I couldn't move. James got to me and bent down to kiss me. A loud bang rang through the air and right before James kissed me, he froze. A look of surprise filled his face, then a look of bewilderment. He fell into me. I fell back with him in my arms. I put him on the ground and looked at my hands, which were covered in his blood. I let out a startled gasp and started screaming shrilly.'
My eyes flew open. I knew I been screaming. That, I couldn't doubt. What I could doubt was that I had only been asleep for a couple of hours. I jumped off my bed, shut off my CD player, and raced out of my room. Tears were streaming down from my face. Halfway down the hall, my oldest brother Joe's door opened and there stood...
"James!" I gasped, suddenly relieved.
He smiled. "Hey Lizzy."
"anyone in there with you?" I asked, trying to peer in over his shoulder.
He shook his head. "No, why?"
I put my hands to his chest and pushed him back into the room, kicking the door closed behind us.