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Mysterious Love

Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Next »

That Scary Moment

“Whew” said Thorn, wiping sweat from her forehead.
“No more” panted Ash, as he fell to the ground. “I don’t think I can go on any longer.”
“Oh sure you can” said Thorn, sitting down next to Ash. “If they send a patrol, you would run. If they have dogs looking for us, we are going to find mud, then jump in it. If we have any chances, we are going to take them. Got it?”
“Got it” said Ash, trying to not look at Thorn. “I’m just so tired, and hungry, but most of all I’m thirsty.”
“Well if you didn’t upset Dr Fife so quickly I would’ve been able to grab some supplies,” said Thorn.
“Sorry” said Ash, looking at Thorn.
“It’s alright I guess. You’re the one that’s thirsty, not me” said Thorn.
Ash chuckles, “Yeah I guess so.”
Thorn stands up and stretches and turns toward Ash, “We should get going. Find somewhere to stop before night comes.”
Ash moans and gets up, “Can’t we just stay here?”
“No. We have to find somewhere that has water and food” said Thorn.
“How do you know how to survive so good?” asked Ash.
“From my old life, I used to do…you know what? It’s from a long time ago, it means nothing now, so let’s just forget about it.” said Thorn, as she begun to walk away.
“You can tell me, I won’t judge, trust me. My life was pretty messed up too,” said Ash, as he walked by her side.
“It’s not worth saying or even thinking of, so drop it” said Thorn.
“Fine, whatever you say” said Ash, throwing his arms high towards the sky.
Thorn and Ash walked for a very long time without speaking one word to each other. Ash wanted to hear Thorn’s voice, to make sure that everything was alright between the two of them. He knew that she was all he had, and he was all she had.
Thorn and ash were walking until all of a sudden she stopped, pulling on Ash’s arm to make him stop.
“You hear that?” asked Thorn.
“Hear what?” said Ash.
“It sounds like running water.” said Thorn, as she took off running.
“Thorn, wait up!” yelled Ash, as he took off running after her.
Ash tried to catch up with Thorn, but couldn’t find her anywhere. As he slowed down to a walk he stopped and listened, he could hear birds chirping and crickets singing. He began to walk further and further into the unknown until he heard something. He stopped and listened, he heard water.
He began to run toward the sound. He ran through a group of bushes and almost fell. He was standing on the edge of a steep cliff, looking down at the river below. Something sparked his memory, and he began to worry. He didn’t see Thorn anywhere.
“Thorn!” yelled Ash, but he never heard her. “THORN!” screamed Ash, still nothing.
Ash hated what he was thinking; he hated what might be real. He yelled at himself for not taking better care of Thorn. He looked around, hoping to see Thorn but didn’t. He walked along the edge looking down at the glistening water, until he saw an object on a ledge. He narrowed his eyes trying to get a better look until he realized it was Thorn.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Next »

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This book has 4 comments. Post your own now!

AlexEvansTM said...
Jun. 7, 2012 at 7:13 pm
Right when I started reading this book, I noticed you used words like there and that, instead of using those words, describe it!
BrielleM said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 7:27 pm

This was interesting. It's a good idea, though I don't usually read stories so...dark, I guess.

The wording was very awkward at some parts and I agree, just polish it some and you could have a great story!

Megan.J.B said...
Feb. 23, 2011 at 9:47 pm

I liked the idea of the story because it was really morbid and there was a great point of view change in there too. That is hard to master and I think you did it well here.

One thing that I didn't like is that at times you wording was just extremeley awkward and you used words in an incorrect context. For me, that is a HUGE pet peeve. I would say even if you went through and fixed wording. Usually I don't make too many comments about wording but in this case their are some really ... (more »)

alex9426 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 3, 2011 at 9:52 am
I hope you'll add more! I really liked it and want to know how it continues!

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