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Mysterious Love

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Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 10 Next »

That Welcoming Girl

Ash ran towards the door and tried to pry the door open. It was too late; Dr Fife already put the lock on. Ash looked around the room, looking for something that might help him, but saw nothing. He walked over to a counter and opened all the drawers, seeing nothing but dust.
“I don’t belong here.” Ash muttered as he sat down on the floor.
Twenty minutes later the door started to open slightly, Ash looked up and expected to see Dr Fife but saw a girl standing there and smiling at him.
“Who are you?” Ash said tiredly.
The girl crossed her arms and said, “Well I’m sorry to bother you, but you’re the new kid here and I thought to come welcome you to Oxford.”
“You mean this is real? It’s not a dream?” Ash questioned.
The girl laughed, “If you thought this was a dream; then you do belong here.”
Ash stood up to tower over the girl, “I don’t belong here, and what do you want from me anyway?”
“Like I told you before,” the girl said as she pushed Ash away a little, “I wanted to welcome you.”
“Yeah I know what you said, you wanted to welcome me to Oxford, and you have so why don’t you leave?”
“Well I haven’t even told you my name yet, and why I think you and I are going to be great friends.” The girl said, ending it with a smile.
Ash sighed, “Then tell me.”
“Well my name is Thorn, and I know you aren’t insane, just like me.” Thorn said resting a hand on Ash’s shoulder.
“Well I wouldn’t call you sane,” Ash muttered.
Thorn crossed her arms and looked at Ash with attitude on her face, “What is that suppose to mean?”
“Oh nothing,” said Ash.
“The point is they got you in here when you’re not insane.” Thorn said.
“What are you trying to say?” Ash asked puzzled.
“It means that they wanted you in here for something. They’ll probably run tests on you, and then probably kill you afterwards.” Thorn said.
“What? No!” Ash yelled.
“Shhhh, they’ll hear you!” Thorn said, running over to Ash and covering up his mouth with her hands.
Ash started to quiet down, as he smelt Thorn’s scent in his nose, it smelt like rain and soap mixed together.
“You’ve been outside!” Ash said excitedly, “Can you help me get out of here?”
“Now you start to figure things out,” Thorn said throwing her arms up.
“Well can you help me?” Ash asked.
“Do you know how hard it was for me to earn their trust? If I got caught helping you escape, they would never trust me again.” Thorn explained.
“Oh,” Ash said, dropping his head down.
“It just happens to be though; I’ve wanted to escape this place for a long time.” Thorn said.
“Really?” Ash asked.
“I never went or been insane, just like you. I saw them bring you in here; you were knocked out, just like me.” Thorn said.
“Alright then, what’s the plan?” Ash asked quietly.
“I thought you’d never ask,” Thorn said, a smile widening across her face.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 10 Next »


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This book has 4 comments. Post your own!

AlexEvansTM said...
Jun. 7, 2012 at 7:13 pm:
Right when I started reading this book, I noticed you used words like there and that, instead of using those words, describe it!
 
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BrielleM said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 7:27 pm:

This was interesting. It's a good idea, though I don't usually read stories so...dark, I guess.

The wording was very awkward at some parts and I agree, just polish it some and you could have a great story!

 
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Megan.J.B said...
Feb. 23, 2011 at 9:47 pm:

I liked the idea of the story because it was really morbid and there was a great point of view change in there too. That is hard to master and I think you did it well here.

One thing that I didn't like is that at times you wording was just extremeley awkward and you used words in an incorrect context. For me, that is a HUGE pet peeve. I would say even if you went through and fixed wording. Usually I don't make too many comments about wording but in this case their are some really ... (more »)

 
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alex9426 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 3, 2011 at 9:52 am:
I hope you'll add more! I really liked it and want to know how it continues!
 
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