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Mysterious Love

Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 10 Next »

That White Room

Ash woke up in a dark room, remembering the man in his back-seat he began to panic. He tried to scream for help but all he got was complete silence. His chair he was sitting in was bolted down to the floor. His ankles tied to the chair with rope, his wrists with chains. He couldn’t escape the chair, he got his ankles free, but his wrists were still stuck. He tried yanking on the chains with all his might, but he couldn’t get it. Ash kept trying though; he wouldn’t give up so easily.
Ash was becoming more tired with each pull he put on the chain, and decided to take a rest. He sat down on the cold floor, sweat coming off his face. All of a sudden, a door came open, and a man walked in. The man turned on a switch, having light burst into the room.
“What do you want from me!” screamed Ash.
The man just chuckled and picked up a clipboard. Looking through many papers, he finally spoke.
“I’m Dr Fife, and I will be the one treating you and such.” said the man.
“What do you mean treating? I don’t need any treating, I’m healthy!” Ash yelled.
“Do you have to keep screaming like that?” said Dr Fife, covering up his ears.
“No, but I want to know why I’m in here.” Ash said quietly.
“That’s much better,” said Dr Fife, uncovering his ears.
“Are you going to tell me or not?” said Ash, speaking a little louder.
“The less you know, the better it’ll be for you,” said Dr Fife.
Ash sat there, not believing what he is hearing, watching Dr Fife flip through the different papers. Dr Fife put the clipboard down and walked towards Ash. He brought out a ring of keys, and unlocked a lock that was hidden from Ash. Ash finally brought his arms to his front seeing the marks from the chains on his arms. Dr Fife picked up the clipboard and walked by Ash. He went out the door, turned around and faced Ash.
“Welcome to Oxford Ash, one of the most well known insane asylums!” said Dr Fife, slamming the door shut.
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This book has 4 comments. Post your own now!

AlexEvansTM said...
Jun. 7, 2012 at 7:13 pm
Right when I started reading this book, I noticed you used words like there and that, instead of using those words, describe it!
BrielleM said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 7:27 pm

This was interesting. It's a good idea, though I don't usually read stories so...dark, I guess.

The wording was very awkward at some parts and I agree, just polish it some and you could have a great story!

Megan.J.B said...
Feb. 23, 2011 at 9:47 pm

I liked the idea of the story because it was really morbid and there was a great point of view change in there too. That is hard to master and I think you did it well here.

One thing that I didn't like is that at times you wording was just extremeley awkward and you used words in an incorrect context. For me, that is a HUGE pet peeve. I would say even if you went through and fixed wording. Usually I don't make too many comments about wording but in this case their are some really ... (more »)

alex9426 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 3, 2011 at 9:52 am
I hope you'll add more! I really liked it and want to know how it continues!

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