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Mysterious Love

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Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 10 Next »

That Blackened Day

“Come on Ash, get over it already,” said Jake.
“How can I when she was the only girl I ever loved?” Ash said snarling at his brother.
“You can’t be serious right?” Jake said with sarcastic and surprise behind his voice.
Ash ignored his brother while driving down the highway, trying to watch for exit signs. He heard a familiar song on the radio, and then turned it up. This was there song, his and Eclipse’s, it was one of the songs they both liked. He found the exit he was finally looking out for, and then got into the other lane, going down the ramp. He drove for miles it seemed before they reached civilization, or at least a building in sight.
It was at least 9:30 PM when they arrived at the Motel 6. You could tell that trouble was a part in the city because of the graffiti sprayed along the walls. Ash told his brother to stay put while he went in and got a room with two beds. Minutes later he came back with a room key, they found a parking spot right up in the front because they were the only guests here.
They brought in the duffel bag full of clothes, for both Ash and Jake. They were going to be staying at this motel for at least three days, trying to decide of where they should go from there.
“Try to get some sleep Ash, we have a long day tomorrow,” says Jake.
“Sure it is, just like the day when you made me watch you rape my dead girlfriend,” says Ash.
Jake got up from the bed he lied down on, and walked across the room. Facing Ash who was sitting on the other bed, Jake back – handed Ash right across the right side of the face.
“Ouch!” screamed Ash, putting his hand to his face.
“Will you shut up about that chick already? She was nothing but a waste of space anyways,” grumbled Jake.
“That chick you are referring to has a name, it’s Eclipse.” Ash said, standing up trying to stand his ground.
“What do you mean has, she’s dead remember? You helped me dump her body on the ground in front of her house,” Said Jake.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore!” cried Ash, knowing what he did was wrong.
The next day Ash and Jake got into the car and explored the town they were in. Seeing kids out on the streets, shooting baskets with balls that probably weren’t even rubber.
“Wow, talk about ghetto streets,” said Jake.
“Ha-ha, yeah no kidding,” said Ash.
Later that night they arrived back at the motel, feeling tired and useless Ash walked over to his bed and lied down, wanting to sleep.
“I’m going out,” said Jake.
Ash raised his head to see his brother walking towards the door.
“What do you mean you are going out?” said Ash.
“It means I’m going to leave and come back really late, so late that you are probably going to be sleeping when I get back,” said Jake who was obviously trying to get the conversation over and done with.
“Fine, just don’t leave the car somewhere and then get drunk. We both know how you are when you get drunk, you can’t remember things very well,” said Ash.
“Yeah sure fine, whatever,” Jake grumbled walking out the door.
Ash fell asleep shortly afterwards his brother left, waking up in the morning noticing that his brother was still gone. Ash got up and walked outside, seeing that the car wasn’t back either. Ash locked the motel door and started walking; he looked everywhere he could possibly think of where his brother may be. Until he saw the red Comet sitting there on the side of the street. Ash picked up the pace, running over and looking inside the car, seeing that his brother was sleeping in the driver’s seat.
Ash knocked on the window trying to get Jake up, but he would not wake up. There was only one thing Ash could do to get inside the locked car; he had to break the window. Ash walked over to the passenger side, not wanting to glass all over Jake when he broke the window. With a loud smash a little later, Ash had broken the window. He crawled into the passenger seat, and then shook his brother violently. Jake just would not wake up, and then Ash noticed why. Jake was bleeding from his torso; he must have been shot or stabbed, more likely stabbed because shooting was just too loud.
There was only one thing Ash could do at this point, and that was panic. He could only remember some things his brother taught him of how to get rid of a body. So Ash walked around to the driver door, opened it up and pushed Jake into the passenger seat. Ash started the car up, and drove down the road, making sure that no one would follow him he took a lot of turns and twists. He finally arrived at a stop in front of the forest line. He made sure no one was around before he pulled Jake’s body out of the car. Then he dragged Jake by his t-shirt into the forest, he wanted to make sure no one would come out here and find it so he just kept dragging until he couldn’t go any further.
At this point, Ash was a complete emotion mess. He just lost his girlfriend by his brother, and now his brother’s life was taken by someone he did not know, so maybe he was next. That thought just made Ash creeped out even more, so he tried to get the thought out of his head before he could think about it more. Ash had laid Jakes body in some fallen leaves, and then added some more on top. Ash got up; his knees covered in mud, said one last goodbye to his dead brother then started to run. He had to get back to his car before someone might try to steal it.
Ash got back to his car, tears streaming down his face, slid into the driver’s seat, shutting the door, and then locking them both. Ash sat there with his head in his hands, just crying and crying. He made sure that he could cry no longer until he started up the car. He was feeling even worse when he remembered about leaving all the clothes at the motel, but he couldn’t go back to get them now. If someone found Jake’s body, it would be all over the news about two brothers coming into town, then just one being found dead. Ash had to keep going, so he did. He looked in the rear view mirror, trying to get one last glance of the town until he saw someone in the back seat. Just staring at him, the next thing that happened to Ash was that he saw complete darkness.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 10 Next »


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This book has 4 comments. Post your own now!

AlexEvansTM said...
Jun. 7, 2012 at 7:13 pm
Right when I started reading this book, I noticed you used words like there and that, instead of using those words, describe it!
 
BrielleM said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 7:27 pm

This was interesting. It's a good idea, though I don't usually read stories so...dark, I guess.

The wording was very awkward at some parts and I agree, just polish it some and you could have a great story!

 
Megan.J.BThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 23, 2011 at 9:47 pm

I liked the idea of the story because it was really morbid and there was a great point of view change in there too. That is hard to master and I think you did it well here.

One thing that I didn't like is that at times you wording was just extremeley awkward and you used words in an incorrect context. For me, that is a HUGE pet peeve. I would say even if you went through and fixed wording. Usually I don't make too many comments about wording but in this case their are some really ... (more »)

 
alex9426 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 3, 2011 at 9:52 am
I hope you'll add more! I really liked it and want to know how it continues!
 

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