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Mysterious Love

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Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 8 9 10

That Painful Crash

“Well Lucy, I’m Thorn and he’s Ash.” said Thorn who smiled at the driver.
Ash looked at Thorn as if she was crazy. He quietly whispered to her, “what are you doing!?”
Thorn looked at Ash, “What?”
“You just gave some random person our names. What if she’s working for them?” asked Ash.
“Look at her Ash, she doesn’t really seem like the type.” said Thorn as she pointed to Lucy who was too busy singing with the radio, and being off-key. Thorn frowned at the noise.
“Well, alright. I believe you.” Said Ash as he sat back against the seat and listened to the song.
“Good,” said Thorn as she smiled and leaned back against the seat.
“So Lucy, where you heading?” asked Ash as he looked at Lucy.
“I’m going to an old friend’s house in Massachusetts.” Said Lucy as she looked in the rearview mirror.
“Massachusetts?” asked Ash as he looked at Thorn, then back at Lucy. “I never been to Massachusetts.”
“Well, there is a first for everything right?” said Lucy as she looked back at the road.
“Yeah, I guess.” said Ash as he looked out the window.
Hours later, Ash had woken up to a girl screaming, not just any girl, but Lucy.
“Wha..?” Ash had began to ask, as he then felt a hard pressure against him, and then the loud noise of metal scratching against each other.
Ash had blacked out, and Thorn, who was up already before Ash, had been smashed into as well. The next thing that happened was that the car had begun to roll. Not just once, but twice, and then a third time, and then fourth. Lucy was hurt badly, and Thorn didn’t know if she was alive or not. A large cut to the forehead, and shards of glass stuck in her arm, Thorn was still awake and alive.
She looked over at Ash, and reached out to him. She needed to get him and her out of the situation, very quick, before anyone came to the scene. Not like they were doing anything wrong, but she just didn’t like the feeling of having to be taken away by men.
“Ash…Ash, come on Ash, wake up.” Thorn said quietly as she gently shook Ash. He didn’t wake up though. “Ash…please…please wake up.” She said as tears began to fall. It hurt her to move, but she had to push the pain aside, for not just her, but for Ash as well.
Thorn couldn’t get Ash to wake, and she was becoming light-headed and dizzy from the blood loss. She had to get out of her spot and push or pull Ash out of the car. So, she climbed through the busted out window beside her, and felt grass and dirt under her hands.
The car was upside down. She stood up, using the car to put her weight on; she stumbled her way over to Ash’s side of the car. She then got down onto the ground again, and began trying to pull Ash out through the window. He was cut up pretty badly, but she knew he would survive. Thorn had to use all of her strength to pull Ash out of the destroyed car, and she was almost ready to pass out herself. She couldn’t stop though, and so she dragged Ash away from the car. Having to stop many times to catch her own breath, she continued on.
After about 15 minutes of dragging Ash away from the crash, Thorn couldn’t see the car anymore. She climbed under a barbed wire fence, which led to a crop of corn, and pulled Ash under. She dragged Ash a couple of feet into the crop so that no one could see them from the road. Out of breath, tired, and in pain, Thorn sat down onto the ground, and put her head between her knees. Her eyes closed, she began to feel very drowsy, and then fell backwards, hitting the ground, Thorn didn’t care where she was. She couldn’t keep herself up anymore, and so she let herself fall asleep, hoping that nothing would go wrong as she rested.
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 8 9 10


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This book has 4 comments. Post your own now!

AlexEvansTM said...
Jun. 7, 2012 at 7:13 pm
Right when I started reading this book, I noticed you used words like there and that, instead of using those words, describe it!
 
BrielleM said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 7:27 pm

This was interesting. It's a good idea, though I don't usually read stories so...dark, I guess.

The wording was very awkward at some parts and I agree, just polish it some and you could have a great story!

 
Megan.J.BThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 23, 2011 at 9:47 pm

I liked the idea of the story because it was really morbid and there was a great point of view change in there too. That is hard to master and I think you did it well here.

One thing that I didn't like is that at times you wording was just extremeley awkward and you used words in an incorrect context. For me, that is a HUGE pet peeve. I would say even if you went through and fixed wording. Usually I don't make too many comments about wording but in this case their are some really ... (more »)

 
alex9426 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 3, 2011 at 9:52 am
I hope you'll add more! I really liked it and want to know how it continues!
 

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