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Mysterious Love

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Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 10 Next »

That Red Car

My body lay there, not moving an inch. That red car I see driving down the street. Only belongs to one person I know, and that car would be yours. I can feel my life, spilling out of me. My skin is starting to get red and sticky. Blackness is taking over my eyes, fading on the edges of my view.
Earlier on this day, I went to school. Normal day, normal friends, normal teachers, normal homework, and normal boyfriend. You see me walking down the hallway and come running over, giving me a big bear hug, and a little kiss on the cheek. You walk me to my classes, and wait for me at the end. This would be a normal day for Eclipse Errant. How do you spend your days? I'm not so sure about that, but I will have a feeling of what you do after this night.
After school we go to your place. We get our homework done and plan to go out for the night. I have to go to my house real quick because I need to change into something other than regular school clothes. You drive me there in your red Comet. That thing was a great ride, smooth and hot at the same time. You had the best car in town for all I know. I only took a couple of minutes to change into something else, and then I was out the door, heading for your car.
When I opened up the door you were on your cell phone. You looked over and smiled, then put the car in reverse and backed out of the driveway. We went to the movies, I wasn’t very interested in the movie we picked, but as long as I was with you, I would be fine. You and I both were getting hungry, so we decided to get a quick snack on the way home. Except when we were about to turn into the restaurant, you kept going straight. I thought to myself that maybe we were going somewhere else, but we just kept on going straight. Before I knew it, we were driving on an isolated road, in the middle of nowhere for all I knew.
You turned down a gravel road, and drove for at least another mile or two. I couldn’t see any city lights or any houses. You pulled over behind a vehicle that looked like it had been deserted for quite a while now. All of a sudden I saw a movement inside the car, and then someone was getting out of it. I didn’t want to ask any questions, but once this stranger stepped inside the car and closed the door, I could smell the smoke and alcohol.
His voice was low and creepy, I don’t know how but it scared me. He started stroking my hair, and you just sat there and watched a big grin across your face. I tried to not react like it was a big deal, but that didn’t happen. I pulled away and just stared, I was debating if I was going to start to yell at you for letting him touch me. Then decided not to, the way you reacted to of how I reacted.
You slapped me across my face, and I was in pure shock. You grabbed my hair and slammed my head against the dashboard, pain ripped throughout my head. The guy in the back got out and came to my door, ripping it open and forcing me out. He practically dragged me by my hair to the back seat. I tried to scream, but no one was around to hear. The man put his hand over my mouth, and started to become greedy. He ripped my shirt open, and pulled my pants down, leaving me practically naked. I tried to fight him, but it was no use, I would never be able to fight him off.
Hours later I lay there on my lawn bleeding from I don’t know where. All I know is that I’m going to die; I was raped by you and your brother. Once I saw his face I knew, he was the brother you were so close too. The one you did everything with, the one you always talked about. I hear screaming and sirens in the background. I know someone is shaking me, but I can’t feel it. I can barely keep my eyes open, everything is going quiet. The last thing I saw before I died was your red car driving down the street. You never turned around, to come to my rescue, you just kept going. The thing that really did kill me at the end was after you were done with me, and dumping my body on my lawn. You gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, saying I love you, for the first time in our lives.
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This book has 4 comments. Post your own!

AlexEvansTM said...
Jun. 7, 2012 at 7:13 pm:
Right when I started reading this book, I noticed you used words like there and that, instead of using those words, describe it!
 
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BrielleM said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 7:27 pm:

This was interesting. It's a good idea, though I don't usually read stories so...dark, I guess.

The wording was very awkward at some parts and I agree, just polish it some and you could have a great story!

 
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Megan.J.B said...
Feb. 23, 2011 at 9:47 pm:

I liked the idea of the story because it was really morbid and there was a great point of view change in there too. That is hard to master and I think you did it well here.

One thing that I didn't like is that at times you wording was just extremeley awkward and you used words in an incorrect context. For me, that is a HUGE pet peeve. I would say even if you went through and fixed wording. Usually I don't make too many comments about wording but in this case their are some really ... (more »)

 
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alex9426 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 3, 2011 at 9:52 am:
I hope you'll add more! I really liked it and want to know how it continues!
 
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