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After being with these people for a few years I finally mean it when I say I hate them! I miss Monica and Zada so much! My parents are terrible to me. They hurt me a lot and never let me do anything. If I even ask them if I can go play outside, they scream “No! Now get in your room right now and don’t come out!” and then they hit me! They even lock my door from the outside so I can’t leave! These people are crazy! And they are always fighting with each other and I always hear screaming and yelling and sometimes I even hear doors slammed shut, cars leaving, and things breaking. And when they fight, they take their anger out on me! Even if I didn’t do anything, they still take it out on me! I hate my parents! They are the worst! I thought that when I got adopted that everything would go great. They seemed so nice when they adopted me. But when I got to their house, they told me to go unpack and then stay in my room. And that night, they started fighting and took their anger out on me.
I miss Zada and Monica. I wonder how they are doing. I wonder if they got adopted and if they did, I wonder what their new parents are like. I miss them so much, I cry about it every single day. Even though Zada got annoying, I still miss her. I miss hearing her cry because Monica yelled some complicated word at her. Monica was always the one to learn big words from all the older kids in the foster home. She was going to teach me some words, but then I got adopted and now I don’t think I will get the chance to learn anything since my parents are terrible! I MISS YOU MONICA AND ZADA! PLEASE SAVE ME! If only I knew where they are now. I would learn to write letters and then send them one. But I guess I will never get that chance.
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This book has 4 comments. Post your own now!

Freckles3 said...
Sept. 30, 2012 at 8:19 pm
Okay, that was frightening. Yikes yikes yikes. Really good suspense at the end! You could add more action in the rest of the story... But the end was perfect. Absolutely perfect. I was on the edge of my seat! This was really good!
OreoLover said...
May 11, 2011 at 7:57 pm
Focus on finding a more natural word choice: i've honestly never seen an eight year old weep, they cry(weep sounds like something an older person would do), conjunctions(it sounds forced and scripted when you don't use them) I agree with purple_ashes that you should keep the prolouge to the POV of one of the kids. Love it!
purple_ashes said...
Dec. 24, 2010 at 5:57 pm
There is a lot of potential in this story and I was really drawn in by the prolouge of the story. HOwever, after readin father my interest got lost. Your writing is really outstanding but I think this story needs some editing. Maybe tell it from the point of veiw from one child. Even in the first chapter... it seems like somethings missing in your writing... I'm not sure,,
ShannonVictoria replied...
Dec. 25, 2010 at 3:50 am
Yea, i think you're right. I should probably look over it a couple times and really fix some things. But i think i will keep this one up for a while to see if anyone else has any other things i should probably fix. :) Thanks for your help! :)

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