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Monica>>Eight

I hate staying in this foster home. My idiotic parents got drunk at a party and decided to drive home. And of course, because they were drunk, they got in a car crash. I really miss them. I don’t even know what they look like because I was too young to really remember what they looked like and since they never liked getting their picture taken. So now I am a foster child who doesn’t even know what my own parents look like. Jerks.
Ding Ding Ding! The bell! Someone is here! I rush over to go see who had walked in. I look over the corner very shyly. It was someone I have never seen before! She had short red hair, and she looked pretty young, but not too young. She was wearing a long black coat and high heels. She had makeup on, but not too much to hide her whole face. She sees me and she waves to me. I wave back nervously. Lynda, one of the workers at the foster home, asked me to come meet the person. So I walk over to them.
“Monica,” said Lynda. “This is Janice. She is looking to adopt a little girl. Will you please tell a little bit about yourself to her?”
“My name is Monica. I am eight years old. I love to sing and play games, and I can be very sweet. My vocabulary is quite big for an eight year old because the ladies here have done a magnificent job at teaching me.” I am a very polite girl. The ladies at the foster home taught me to always be polite, or people will never want to adopt me. But Lynda and Janice talked for a little bit, and then she said she wanted me!
“Well if Monica is the girl you want, let’s just slip right into this room here and fill out the adoption papers!” said Lynda excitedly. I am finally leaving! I can’t wait to get out of here!
“Where are you going?” Zada said worriedly. “Are you leaving?”
“Yes. Yes I am. I am leaving the foster home and I am going my separate way to my own life with an adoption mother and father. I will miss you lots Zay. But I know you will be just fine. Someday soon you will find great parents that will love and care for you jus t like I did.” I said. I was so excited to leave, but Zada start to weep. When I saw her crying, I started to cry too. Leaving my sister was just as bad as seeing Joshua leave us. But out came Janice. She told me it was time to go. I grabbed my things, packed it away in her car, and I gave Zada one more hug before I left. I continuously cried because I was leaving Zada, and now she was the last one I was going to see. This was probably the last time I would get to see her. Just like Joshua. But I got in the car and we drove away.
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This book has 4 comments. Post your own!

Freckles3 said...
Sept. 30, 2012 at 8:19 pm:
Okay, that was frightening. Yikes yikes yikes. Really good suspense at the end! You could add more action in the rest of the story... But the end was perfect. Absolutely perfect. I was on the edge of my seat! This was really good!
 
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OreoLover said...
May 11, 2011 at 7:57 pm:
Focus on finding a more natural word choice: i've honestly never seen an eight year old weep, they cry(weep sounds like something an older person would do), conjunctions(it sounds forced and scripted when you don't use them) I agree with purple_ashes that you should keep the prolouge to the POV of one of the kids. Love it!
 
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purple_ashes said...
Dec. 24, 2010 at 5:57 pm:
There is a lot of potential in this story and I was really drawn in by the prolouge of the story. HOwever, after readin father my interest got lost. Your writing is really outstanding but I think this story needs some editing. Maybe tell it from the point of veiw from one child. Even in the first chapter... it seems like somethings missing in your writing... I'm not sure,,
 
ShannonVictoria replied...
Dec. 25, 2010 at 3:50 am :
Yea, i think you're right. I should probably look over it a couple times and really fix some things. But i think i will keep this one up for a while to see if anyone else has any other things i should probably fix. :) Thanks for your help! :)
 
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