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Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 12 13 14


Once we get to the airport, we saw this lady. And when she noticed us, she got excited. Was that Isabel?
“Oh Dear! Monica! Joshua! How are you guys? I haven’t seen any of you since….well, since the incident.” Right as she was saying that, we hear our names being called. Zada! She’s here!
“ZADA!!!” Joshua and I both screamed. She ran over to us, and when she got close enough, she dropped her bags and hugged us both. Being together again was a great feeling.
“Oh my goodness! This is awesome! I can’t believe we are all together again!”
“I know!” I said. “This is amazing”
After a while, we all decide to head to Isabel’s house so she could tell us about our parents. Once we got there, we left Joshua and Zada’s luggage in the car and we walked into Isabel’s house. It was a very small house with all kinds of antiques everywhere. Once we walked in, we sat down on the couch, and she served us some meatloaf and started to tell us about our parents.
“So, I just want to hear you opinion, Isabel.” I started off. “How would you describe our parents since the car crash? Like I always thought they were kind of idiotic for—“
“Car crash?” she interrupted. She looked and sounded confused. “What are you talking about?”
“Our parents. They died in a car crash. That’s why we were all separated,” Joshua said.
“Oh no no no. There was no car crash. Where on earth did that come from?”
“That’s what the police told Monica when we were little” Zada said. She started to sound confused.
“Oh my poor dears, your parents didn’t die in a car crash. You see, your mother was under loads of stress from work and then coming home to three screaming kids. And your father used to yell at her for acting terrible from all the stress. So she eventually came to me and told me that she couldn’t take this anymore. And I told her it was alright and that she just need to calm down and she got…very upset by that and stormed out. But I wanted to see if she was alright and I followed her without her knowing, and then I hid behind some bushes to see what was going on. And your father came out of the house, looking madder than ever. He kept screaming at her and yelling and then he started beating her. And finally, I saw her grab a knife from out of the glove box of her car, and then she screamed ‘I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR CRAP!’ and then I saw her plunge her knife into her husband. He fell to the floor slowly. And a minute later, he was dead. And then she screamed ‘ENOUGH!! I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE!’ and then I saw her plunge the knife into herself.
She was on the floor. The cops said she was cold. Her heart was not beating. Blood was coming out of her like crazy. Both your parents were on the road lying by their car. Your father on one side, your mother on the other side. Both dead. The cops rushed them to the hospital figuring they had to be in a car crash. They couldn’t be healed. Time had run out. You kids had no choice but to put into a foster home. Monica, being three. Joshua was only one. And little Zada, only four months old. No one knew what had happened, until the cops told Monica the next day at the foster home. But I guess instead, they told her that they got in a car crash.”
All of us were shocked. We couldn’t believe the real story. It was terrible. Our mother went crazy and killed our own father and then committed suicide. I couldn’t believe my ears. If only she had really thought about what to do and got some counseling or some help. Now I take all my comments about my parents back.
“Wow...May I use your bathroom? I want to wash my face,” said Zada. She was upset. Every time she hears about our parents, she gets upset only because she never really got to know what her own parents were like and ever what they looked like. She hadn’t even seen a picture of them.
“Sure dear. It’s over there,” said Isabel.
“Thank you.” She walked over to the bathroom and shut the door. A minute later, Zada walked out of the bathroom, looking a little shocked.
“Monica, can you come help me get something out of my luggage really quick?” She said, giving me a look that said “I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!”
“Um, sure. One second, Isabel.” I stood up and walked out side with Zada. “What do you need, Zay?”
“Her bathroom has blood everywhere. Everywhere you look, there is blood. On the floor, the wall, the mirror, everywhere! There are even pictures of people on her wall. Some of the pictures were marked ‘Dead’ and ‘To Kill Next’. I’m not kidding! We gotta get out of here!” She looked scared. So I didn’t think she was joking around. But after talking to her about it for a little bit, we went back into the house. But when we walked in there, Joshua was on the floor, dead. And Isabel was nowhere to be seen.

To Be Continued...
Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 12 13 14

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This book has 4 comments. Post your own now!

Freckles3 said...
Sept. 30, 2012 at 8:19 pm
Okay, that was frightening. Yikes yikes yikes. Really good suspense at the end! You could add more action in the rest of the story... But the end was perfect. Absolutely perfect. I was on the edge of my seat! This was really good!
OreoLover said...
May 11, 2011 at 7:57 pm
Focus on finding a more natural word choice: i've honestly never seen an eight year old weep, they cry(weep sounds like something an older person would do), conjunctions(it sounds forced and scripted when you don't use them) I agree with purple_ashes that you should keep the prolouge to the POV of one of the kids. Love it!
purple_ashes said...
Dec. 24, 2010 at 5:57 pm
There is a lot of potential in this story and I was really drawn in by the prolouge of the story. HOwever, after readin father my interest got lost. Your writing is really outstanding but I think this story needs some editing. Maybe tell it from the point of veiw from one child. Even in the first chapter... it seems like somethings missing in your writing... I'm not sure,,
ShannonVictoria replied...
Dec. 25, 2010 at 3:50 am
Yea, i think you're right. I should probably look over it a couple times and really fix some things. But i think i will keep this one up for a while to see if anyone else has any other things i should probably fix. :) Thanks for your help! :)

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