The Real World

March 27, 2018
By CBond, Clarendon,TX, Texas
CBond, Clarendon,TX, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Summary:

This is a sad story but it opens up your eyes on how hard life can be. It is a action packed story but also sad

Tags: Death/loss


Cody B.

The Real World


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This book has 4 comments.


on Jun. 11 at 7:30 pm
Jack_Steampunk_ BRONZE, Halifax, Nova Scotia
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Make it awesome, then make it make sense. - Brandon Sanderson

I'm always a sucker for the 'Wounded Cop' or 'Scarred Detective' trope because real people would be devastated by a situation like that. I would watch the 'Selling your soul to the Devil' trope though. It's good as is, but be wary it doesn't mess with the continuity or make any plot holes.
Showing versus Telling us the story is a much more effective way of communicating the story. If you have Colt in the first chapter maybe looking at a ring, a book, or other personal object that reminds him of Susan, it would be a better hook and start to the first chapter. He could elaborate how it reminds him of her, how she misses her, and how his life has changed.
Characters are really alive! I can really relate to Colt and Jack's relationship. I can see the gears of character development going, which is always fun to watch as a fellow writer!
Pacing. Take your time describing everything. I had to read it twice to make sure it wasn't a Cyberboy/Diesel-punk story. Make sure it's obvious to the reader when and where Colt is, otherwise it's very jarring in the beginning.
I really like it actually! It really stands out among some other more generic and trending stories out there in the market right now. You always leave the reader in great suspense which is always great! Keep doing that!
Cheers!

CBond said...
on May. 10 at 12:10 pm
CBond, Clarendon,TX, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
thank you, i will work on the rushed parts in my next (longer book). Im basing it off the popular fan game "Five Nights at Candys" keep a look out for it.

on Apr. 24 at 8:11 pm
Imagin8er BRONZE, Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin
2 articles 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law; but if someone puts a hand on you, send him to the cemetery." - Malcolm X

Hi CBond, I saw you wanted honest feedback, so here you go. I really liked the first few sentences. That really drew me in. I also loved the concept of him not basically getting over his dead wife and the consequences. The only negative feedback I'm gonna give here is two things: 1: Sometimes, the story just felt too rushed. 2: Some people can buy the "I'll sell my soul to the Devil" thing, but it can be a little cliche. I could tell Colt and Susan had a great relationship, but uniqueness is the thing that makes it real to us. Other than that, the story was very good. There was a lot of suspense; I wanted to know what happened next. The character development was also very good for the little time they had in the story. I liked it; it was good. :)

CBond said...
on Apr. 18 at 11:38 am
CBond, Clarendon,TX, Texas
0 articles 0 photos 2 comments
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