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Pass It On

Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 5 6 7

Four Years Later-Brandon

It took a year, but eventually I was able to speak again. It’s been four years since I fought Rachel inside my own broken mind.
I haven’t seen or heard from her since then.
I broke the DVD and burned what was left.

I’m standing in the field where I had battled Rachel. Suddenly she appears in front of me.
I gasp and back up.
“W-what do you w-want?” I ask her.
She smiles. “You have one week to pass it on. Or you’ll end up like your sister.”

When I wake up, I’m shaking. It was just a nightmare. Rachel is gone. I banished her and broke the disc. She’s gone.
As I’m washing my hands in the bathroom, I look up into the mirror.
“Pass it on!” is written in the steam.

I open my mouth and scream.

Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 5 6 7


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Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 21 at 12:33 am
Hello! I saw your forum and figured I ought to take a look. You have a great story built into this; there's tension, suspense, and enough eerie action to make it a good thriller. That said, I don't think I every felt scared or even mildly disturbed while reading this, and the reason for that was likely a lack of detail. Like SpeakerofWolves had said, I think you can bring this story to life by adding more details. First off, the scene in the attic. Why are they there? Are they cleaning? They sa... (more »)
 
SpeakerofWolvesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 18 at 9:48 pm
@bo_olsen Hello bo_olsen! I had read your forum and I am more than happy to help you with your story. First of all, I like the idea that you are trying to make. Second, the plot line is ok which I highly recommend that you add some more events or places. Third, when the movie started, I would like to suggest to be descriptive as you can, or to simply say that at the beginning of the movie he immediately passed out by fear, whatever you choose. Fourth, when the ghost comes into the scenes, I woul... (more »)
 

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