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Pass It On

Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 4 5 6 7 Next »

Brandon

My eyes open slowly. I’m in an unfamiliar place, a cold place, a grey place.
Rachel stands before me. “You tried to fight me.”
It’s not a question. “Yes. I did.”
“You know I snapped something in your mind. You may never wake up again,” Rachel smiles evilly.
I nod. “I know what you did. I’ll fight you here.”
Rachel’s smile only widens. “You cannot beat me here. Here I am a goddess.”
I clench my fists. “I’ll do my best. You killed my sister and made my mom crazy.”
“Your sister was too stupid to follow simple instructions. Your mother was smarter, only she chose you, her own son. Your mother cares nothing for you,” Rachel says. “I care for you, Brandon. Just give in and I’ll heal your mind and let you live.”
I only glare at her. “No. I’ll never give in.”
“Hmm. Too bad. Looks like you’ll have to die,” Rachel says with false sadness.
“I’m not going to die easily,” I say, glaring at her.
“We’ll see about that.”
Rachel’s mouth opens wider than a normal person’s. Out of that gaping mouth comes a strong gust of wind. It knocks me over. Rachel sends fire at me. I roll out of the way, and it scorches the ground where I had been lying.
Rachel sends wave after wave of fire at me. I dodge each one.
“Looks like I was right,” I say to her. “I won’t die so easily.”
Suddenly, I am engulfed in flame. It burns my skin.
Burning.
Burning…

Suddenly, it stops.
Rachel looks as surprised as I feel. “What is happening?!”
I glare at her. “I won’t die that easily.”
I send wave after wave of fire at her, not enough to kill, just to subdue her.
She cowers on the ground, whimpering. “Stop it! Stop! I’ll go, please stop!”
I glare at her. “You killed my sister and countless others. Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right here.”
Rachel bows her head. “I don't have a reason.”
I’m getting the next wave of fire ready when she disappears. Only her voice is left.
“You may have won this round, Brandon, but remember, I am a goddess.”

I wake up in the hospital. A beeping monitor keeps track of my vitals.
“You’re awake!” Mom is sitting in a chair by my bed. She pushes the call button. A few minutes later, a nurse walks in.
“You’re awake!” he says.
I try to speak, but I can’t. I try again.
Nothing.

Chapters:   « Previous 1 ... 4 5 6 7 Next »


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This book has 2 comments. Post your own now!

Kestrel135This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 21 at 12:33 am
Hello! I saw your forum and figured I ought to take a look. You have a great story built into this; there's tension, suspense, and enough eerie action to make it a good thriller. That said, I don't think I every felt scared or even mildly disturbed while reading this, and the reason for that was likely a lack of detail. Like SpeakerofWolves had said, I think you can bring this story to life by adding more details. First off, the scene in the attic. Why are they there? Are they cleaning? They sa... (more »)
 
SpeakerofWolvesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Aug. 18 at 9:48 pm
@bo_olsen Hello bo_olsen! I had read your forum and I am more than happy to help you with your story. First of all, I like the idea that you are trying to make. Second, the plot line is ok which I highly recommend that you add some more events or places. Third, when the movie started, I would like to suggest to be descriptive as you can, or to simply say that at the beginning of the movie he immediately passed out by fear, whatever you choose. Fourth, when the ghost comes into the scenes, I woul... (more »)
 

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