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I'm Sorry

Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 6 Next »

Part One: Doubt

Audrey had a gut feeling  that what everyone thought about Mabel’s death was not true. She sat at her desk in English class, feverishly braiding her short black hair into small sections, running through all the possible ways Mabel’s life could have ended. They were best friends and practically inseparable compared to most of the other friendships, even relationships, in the high school they went to; the two girls were among the most popular clique of students in the school, and even though they had only been in tenth grade they basically ran the grade and student body. Audrey had heard the rumors and comments about her dead best friend all around town, ranging from being called a needy attention grabber, to not having the right care. Some even thought that it was actually a murder and not self inflicted. The last thought ran through Audrey’s mind many times and bugged her the most about this situation. She knew that her best friend would never do something like ending her life, even though she was sadder than most people she knew; it just wouldn’t happen.

Most people who thought that Mabel’s death was not a suicide, pointed the blame at an eleventh grader, Charlotte. Charlotte, or Lottie, as they called her, was a sweet girl with glasses, long hair, a loving heart, and good grades. But even the best people have issues with them; in this case, Lottie had a tendency to get involved with younger students’ drama to feel included. More specifically, the ‘nerd’ got very friendly with the popular group that Mabel and Audrey took a part of. This was a bad move for a variety of reasons, especially because the group’s leader, Jillian, is not someone Lottie was particularly fond of. Jillian was a fake, passive aggressive blonde who only cared about herself, but Lottie ignored this because she was determined to get close to Mabel, a sweet, beautiful, and intelligent person.  For lack of better words, Lottie was in love with Mabel; she cared about her immensely and always stood up for her even if it hurt her. Just when their relationship was getting deeper, the two girls began to fight about almost everything that happened between them. The bond was clearly unhealthy and toxic for both of them, but they refused to break up because they were so used to each other’s company. Despite the clear dysfunction, Jillian was jealous of their relationship and began to have feelings for Charlotte. She was always caught gushing over her hazel eyes (that shifted from brown to a greenish-blue) and shiny brown curls.

“Audrey! Are you with us?” Mr. Jackson asked, “We are on page three thirty-six. Please read the fourth paragraph.” Audrey felt her cheeks get red, but nobody giggled or paid much attention because they were aware of devastating loss that she recently experienced. Before starting to read the section on the First World War, Audrey glanced up at the seat where Mabel used to reside. She then felt like her throat was closing up; tears blurred the corners of her eyes and her voice started cracking. Audrey felt ridiculous, but every letter ‘M’ that she came across reminded her of her best friend, making her tragically nostalgic.

“I’m sorry...I can’t do this,” Audrey said with her choked back voice, picked up her orange backpack, swung it around onto her shoulder and began to race to the bathroom. As she rushed through the hallways, no one came after her; she walked when passing the classroom doors with small windows on them, but zoomed the rest of the way. Almost miraculously, there were no other girls in any of the bathroom stalls in the restroom she was in. She had the whole room to herself. Normally, Audrey thought, people who are alone in bathrooms just go on their phones or write something on the wall. But I am just going to cry. This is so stupid.

As Audrey wallowed in an ocean of self pity mixed with yearning for her best friend, her mascara mingled with her tears and created black splotches of water, which reminded her even more of Mabel, who always commented that rain would be much cooler if it was black. Nothing could happen without Audrey being reminded of Mabel.

Chapters:   1 2 3 4 5 6 Next »

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