Virtually Lost

June 22, 2012
By E.J.Mathews GOLD, International Falls, Minnesota
E.J.Mathews GOLD, International Falls, Minnesota
19 articles 2 photos 145 comments

Summary:

Matt was just a normal gamer that only wanted to follow in his father's footsteps in creating new technology. That all changed when he is forced to fight for his life, inside a game of his own making.


Eric M.

Virtually Lost


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This book has 3 comments.


None0 BRONZE said...
on Jun. 1 2013 at 11:55 pm
None0 BRONZE, Bellevue, Washington
2 articles 0 photos 96 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Believe in the ideal, not the idol." - Serra

Here's my impression from the first 5 or so chapters.   Your plot moves way too fast. You need to slow down a bit and take the time to show your reader the details instead of just telling them to us. For example, in the first chapter, you tell everyone that the main character is the laughing stock of the school. Instead, how about backtracking a few days and writing a scene with the main character at school, and reflect a little on his thoughts there. This does take a lot of work, but it gives your novel so much more depth and integrity, instead of just skimming the surface with a bunch of action scenes. You also need to work on showing language vs. telling language, but then again, so does everyone (myself included). I won't go into what showing v. telling language is, since I've gone on long enough.   On another note, I really enjoyed the content of the story. The plot has a lot of potential, just work on the general writing.

Mrs. Hamers said...
on Oct. 17 2012 at 3:05 pm
This is phenomenal! The suspense is almost too much! Keep it up Eric M. :)

Liz F. said...
on Jul. 16 2012 at 7:47 pm

This is my first visit to Teen Ink as I was introduced to it by a young man who authored "Virtually Lost".

I very much enjoyed "Virtually Lost" and look forward to reading more from him.



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