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A Dark Blade Waits

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Author's note: This started out as a school project, and, over the course of two years, was expanded into what it is now.
Author's note: This started out as a school project, and, over the course of two years, was expanded into what it is now.  « Hide author's note
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 15 Next »

Chapter 4

“Where’s the onions?” called a voice with a heavy Southern accent.

“In the way back.” Came another voice, this time Middle Eastern.

The Southern voice came from Tom Johnston was just your average 16 year old. He was tall for his age, had almost white-blond hair that would never stay down, and was very smart. He spoke fluent Spanish, French, German, and Latin, and could sing fairly well, and was a great actor. He was in Madrid for an international competition. His choir included Johnny Sahir, from Israel, Thomas Zhou, from Vietnam, Luz Perez, from Mexico City, and Maya Christian, from New York. They were in their hotel room, and were making dinner, but had run out of onions.

As Tom looked for onions, he spied a box labeled, in a faded, archaic script, “Do Not Open. Dangerous.” Now, we all know that teenagers normally do the exact opposite of what they are told, and Tom was no exeption. He opened the box, which caused dust to explode into the room.

After coughing and sneezing, he pulled the old cotton stuffing out of the box. Then, he saw Maledetto, who was not happy about being stuffed in a box for a thousand-some years. This rage fueled Maledetto, and he immediately broke Tom’s mind, granting Maledetto complete and total control. Tom grabbed the sword, and then came out of the pantry.

“What are you doing with that Tom?” asked Johnny. “Where did you get tha-“

Squish. “Ulp!”
Chapters:   « Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ... 15 Next »


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This book has 5 comments. Post your own!

MayaS. said...
Dec. 1, 2012 at 1:50 pm:
Chapters 10-end: Definately not a typical ending! That was a really powerful twist!!! The descriptions of Caligos were really awesome, I could picture him perfectly!
 
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MayaS. said...
Dec. 1, 2012 at 1:36 pm:
Chapters 7-9: The episodal style is great and keeps the story moving, except sometimes I don't get to know the characters enough. The paragraph in chapter 9 when Maledetto explodes - "Sending glassy water and watery glass everywhere....the metal migrated to the stalls, piercing through plastic....buried itself 4 inches into the wall" - was my favorite part, really well-written.
 
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MayaS. said...
Dec. 1, 2012 at 1:27 pm:
Chapters 4-6: I was a little confused at how the sword ends up in such an unsecure location in Madrid. Tom was a great character, until, well... Your story reminds me a lot of a book I read called Elric of Melnibone by Micheal Moorcock; it's a fantasy about a sword with superhuman powers that possesses whoever uses it. You'd probably like it! :)
 
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MayaS. said...
Dec. 1, 2012 at 1:18 pm:
Chapters 1-3: This is definately an engaging and well-written story so far. I especially enjoyed the descriptions of "bolts of silk" and "hair as black as a new moon." Also I think there were some allusions ("perfumes of Arabia" and lol "Prancing Pony.") There were a few anachronisms here and there in chapter one, but chapter 2 was absolutely fantastic. Chapter 3 was a bit of a jolt from the earlier writing style, though. Can't wait to see what happens... (more »)
 
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Kvothe28 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 29, 2012 at 1:09 pm:
To begin I thought that your description of the environment in the first chapter was awesome. Your writing throughout was very fluid and I especially enjoyed the department of curious contraptions, where you have created a place for all mythical objects. =) The transition from the hotel in Ch.4 to the field in Ch.5 seemed a bit quick. Other than that its really good.
 
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