We Don't Always Know The People We Trust The Most | Teen Ink

We Don't Always Know The People We Trust The Most

March 13, 2011
By Anonymous

I landed on the ground with a plop. My brown hair was stained with red streaks of blood and at least I had the ability to say it wasn’t all my own. I had inflicted some injuries to my advisory but you know how it works out in the end. When it’s all said and done the one who’s beat worse is the one who dies.

At least I knew it wouldn’t be me. I picked myself up slowly and the bad man came towards me again. His steps were slow and his voice was brimming with confidence because he thought he had me beet. He thought that I was down for the count but he just didn’t know me well enough yet.

I was on my hands and knees, he was about ten feet away, and he started talking. You know how in the movies the villain always gives a long monologue about how great they are, and how they’re plan is supposedly unbeatable? Well, did you know that some of the greatest movies were based off real life? Yep, and this part is no exception. The villain for me started up on his speech. “You know, you almost had me for a second. I thought I might have actually needed to start up my second defense.”

I was starting to stand. Then Mr. Villain was in front of me and he pushed me back down. “See, and I thought they were going to send their best agent after me. Well, I have to admit that I’m very disappointed in you. You can’t be more than a half year. Though at least you won’t have to worry about graduating. I hear it can be quite a stressing thing. You’ll go back to them though, don’t worry about that. It’ll just be in a broken mess of pieces.”

He did a predictable evil laugh and kicked me while I was down. I gave a whimper to try and make it seem like he was winning. He turned his back to me and headed for his machine. His monologue wasn’t done yet though, “Now with this machine I will destroy your space station. I will make all bow before with fear in their eyes. No one will rise against me ever and I will rule with an iron fist.”

He was so absorbed with himself that he didn’t notice me. They never notice me. It’s always part of the plan.

I crawled as quietly as I could to the secret control panel. They had shown it to me during the debriefing and I knew it would cause an automatic lock down. This was important and the only problem that stood in my way before was that to access the panel required a key and there was only one copy to that key. It was on the villain and one of the many things he didn’t know about me was that I had always been best when it came to picking a pocket.

I held the key in my hand and reached the panel with the villain’s back still towards me. I turned the key in the lock and then pressed the big red button (I know right how cheesy but these bad guy types always try to recreate their fantasies they saw in movies).

The whole room was plunged into darkness and the emergency lights were the only things that still provided light. Mr. Villain turned around with a new amount of hatred in his eyes and I knew that it couldn’t be good. Mr. Villain came at me again but my partner picked that moment to show up. It was part of the plan but I had been hoping to at least get a punch in before he showed up.

They air vent covers flew off and cable hooks came down along with people. Mr. Villain looked up and was taken by surprise. He stood still and then suddenly he came to the realization that he had been defeated. He gave me a confounded look and said through stutters, “Y..you! Who…who are you?”

I stood erectly and showed that I really wasn’t hurt. I looked him strait in the eyes and gave a coy smile. Everything had gone according to plan, and I said to him, “I’m just a defenseless half year.” (Of course I was really a division one agent but let’s just freak him out a little bite and let him think that he was defeated by a pip squeak, he already thought I was one.)

My partner’s voice suddenly came out very loudly and he sounded like a snobby kind of fellow when he was apprehending perpetrators of major crimes. Once you got to know him though he was really quite a nice person. His voice echoed, “You are under arrest by the intergalactic police force of….” He had to stop talking because Mr. Villain decided he was going to give it one more try to get his sorry butt out of trouble.

I mean he needed to try. When he was put to trial he would lose and then end up going to prison for life. That kind of thing hanging over a person would make them do just about anything. So, in his moment of desperation he reached out and grabbed me by the neck. He pulled me close to his body and he had me in such a way that I wouldn’t be able to get out of his hold quickly, if at all.

He pulled a ray gun from his back pocket and held it to my temple. This wasn’t a first and so my heart only increased in its palpitations very little. I would say it actually stayed practically normal.

The rest of the cops who were around me now took a knee and had their guns trained on us. They were ready to shoot at a moment’s notice if the opportunity presented itself. My partner stepped forward and his special equipped laser gun, that’s only handed out to division one officers, seemed to be pointed at my head as well.

Even though I’ve been in this kind of situation before I still didn’t find all the guns that comforting.

Mr. Villain opened up with the usual, “Don’t come near me or the girl will die. Don’t think I won’t do it.”

My partner spoke slow, “I have every confidence that you would pull that trigger. So, just calm down and we can talk this out. Does that seem reasonable?”

The man didn’t move. He wasn’t that stupid, I’ll give him that. I thought I should interject a little talking. “Hey, Pat good to see you made it.”

My partner just looked at me and said, “Well, I can’t say the same for you. Why does it always seem I’m having to save you.”

“Because you’re very disillusioned. I don’t need saving.”

Mr. Villain didn’t like the talking. He gave me a little shake and tightened his grasp on my air pipe before he said, “No more talking from you. Just let your friend Pat speak and we’ll come to a nice arrangement and then I’ll let you go.”

He had that confidence back in his voice.

Ha! He thought he was in control of the situation. I don’t know why they never understood that when they were dealing with me they were never in control of the situation.

Pat talked, “What do you want?”

“Ha! What kind of question is that?” Mr. Villain was apparently also becoming a little hysterical. “You know I want my freedom, and yall will all just keep a distance from me and I won’t kill the girl.”

Mr. Villain stuck to the wall so his back side wouldn’t be opened to attack which was good for him but he was heading for the door and everything was on lock down. I wouldn’t think that he would forget it because the whole room was still in shadows sense the only light we could see by were the emergency lights.

We reached the door to the hall way and then he opened the control panel and I would have hit my head for my stupidity if I could have. There was still the other overriding access code and Mr. Villain would be the one to know it.

So with the door behind us open and all my support people on the other side, I knew my time to gain the upper hand and win was slowly slipping away.

He stood in the threshold and Mr. Villain gave a horrible laugh and said, “Don’t follow, or else you know what’ll happen.”

With that he stepped back, the door closed, and for a moment I thought I might lose the upper hand in my position.

Amy! She was on the other side with the mad man. The person we were after this time was one of the worst we had gone after in a long time. I wasn’t sure if we could handle it. They say that when you get out of practice don’t just jump into it again after no time at all.

I watched the door close and I saw the expression in Amy’s eyes. I knew we needed to get that door open as soon as possible. I shouted for the electrician. He showed up with his blue case swinging and I pointed at the door and shouted, “Open it NOW!”

He immediately got to work and it only took him a second to overrun the codes and get it open but if felt so much longer. Amy had been my partner in this business for a long time. We had to save her.

When the door slid open I saw Amy on the other side. I shouldn’t have been worried. She had hog tied the mad man and was sitting on him, and he looked like he was scared for his life.

The troops ran past me and surrounded the man on the floor. Amy was helped up and she pushed her way through the crowd towards me. She gave me a smile and put her hands on her hips. She also had a kind of sassiness to her. She said, “See, you didn’t have to worry. I had it all planned out.”

Amy was a whole head shorter than me but we were the same age. She was small but it let people misjudge her power. I could never be very sassy back to her but I said in my own way, “Ha, I saw that look right before the doors closed. You were scared stiff.”

She playfully hit my arm and said, “Shut up! I was in control the whole time.”

The mad man was being hauled away from us at that time and the villains always liked to have a last comment. His was a little harsher then need be. “You (bleep)! I hope you (bleep) die (bleep) (bleep) (bleep).” I was glad when he was silenced by the police’s door closing in his face.

Amy wasn’t fazed. She grabbed my hand and pulled me along towards our space shuttle. She said, “Come on we need to get back to the station. Who knows what they might have waiting for us.”

I was dragged behind her and I waved good bye to the sergeant who would be left in charge to let him know the chain of command was now being passed to him. He nodded with understanding and so I got into the shuttle and Amy and I headed back to base command.

Amy took control. She liked to be in control. Though, I pulled her from the pilot’s chair. “You are in no condition to fly.”

She gave me an unappreciated look and said, “You worry too much.” I didn’t let it go though. “Fine.” She gave in, but only just. “I’ll go clean up first, but when I’m done you have to let me drive.”

As she walked back to the small room I called out to her, “Why did I ever let you apply for a license?”

She gave a chuckle and said, “because you know me. I wouldn’t have stopped bothering you until I got one.”

“That’s right. I remember now. You kept bothering me and if I hadn’t let you apply I would have had to shoot you.”

I heard the water start in the bathroom. This was really a very small space pod. The engine started and I took the control in my hand. I headed for the starts. I hit three more buttons, flipped a switch, and had the pod making an odd noise. It sounded like home.

We reached the blackness of space and I had the pod make ready for the small trip that would require about twenty minutes of light speed. Another couple of buttons pressed, coordinates put in, and another list of things you only learn in flight school, and then we were space traveling.

Amy joined me in the front five minutes into the flight. She tapped me on the shoulder and I handed her the controls. I really never should have allowed her to get the license. We might be of the same age but I was very much more responsible than she was.

I took the copilot seat and put my feet up, and looked at her. She had washed the dried blood from her face and arms, but her hair and clothes would carry the stains until we reached the station again. There she would get properly cleaned.

Her hand had a bandage on it and I saw that she wrapped her head as well. “Amy you really need to not get into these situations anymore.”

“What you don’t think I can handle it?”

“No, but one day you might seriously get hurt.”

“I can take a punch.”

“Yes, everyone knows that. You’ve only proven that for almost every mission we’ve been sent on for the past three years.”

“So, don’t start worrying about me yet. In another eight years we can come up with a new plan but until then I think our plan as of now is just fine.”

“We’ll change it.”

“Keep dreaming.”

Arguing with her was a pointless thing to do. I decided to just try and catch up on a little sleep. As I closed my eyes I thought about Amy. I didn’t know much about her except for what she was in the agency. She never talked about home and I had never once met a relative of hers. She knew about me though of course. My parents couldn’t help but send me things, and visit me on holidays. They were just proud of me as their son. A long time ago I came to the conclusion that Amy must have been an orphan. I still believe it and so I just don’t bring the subject of families up ever.

My nap went well and I woke up as the light speed part of our journey ended and we came into the artificial gravitational pull of the space station. It was the headquarters of the elite Police officers. Amy and I were a small team of that force. We had passed through the classes and didn’t die, or drop out, so we were a shoe in for the final test. Then when you were assigned partners she was mine. Neither of us were happy at first but in the end we both realized that council had made the right decision.

Now the space station floated in front of us again. I wiped the sleep from my eyes and said, “Amy you go to the infirmary and get checked out. I’ll meet you once I finish with the reports.” Amy didn’t argue with that. I knew she wanted to but even she knew that she needed to get fully checked out before going back to a normal life. Though even that lesson she hadn’t learned the easy way. One time after a mission she skipped going to the infirmary like I told her to. Well, one of her cuts was worse than she thought and it got infected. She got better of course. We have some of the best medicine around but she felt like death for a few days. I knew she wouldn’t want a repeat so she always checked in with the infirmary before going home.

When the ship landed we went our separate ways and I had no idea what I would find when I met her again.



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This book has 3 comments.


on Mar. 17 2011 at 9:06 pm
AddictedToWriting BRONZE, La Grande, Oregon
3 articles 5 photos 124 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Writer's Block is when your characters get fed up with all you put them through and go on strike." -- Anonomous
"A Writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people."--Thomas Mann

Hey!  No prob.  Like I said on the thread, you can usually find it on one of the first three pages of 'sci-fi/fantasy', 'most popular'.  Currently, though, it is down because I added a new chapter.  You can either wait until it's back up or try my fictionpress page.  (Google fictionpress, then search "Now You See It Rewritten".  Thanks!

koolwords said...
on Mar. 17 2011 at 4:12 pm
koolwords, Baton Rouge, Louisiana
0 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Unless you put your whole meaning into something, it's a waste." -Yvonne Tindelll

hey

thanks for the comment and I know my grammer skills are atrosious (i probably misspelled that word). Anyway thanks

 

also I know I said I would comment on your story but I'm still a little unsure on how to find it


on Mar. 17 2011 at 12:53 am
AddictedToWriting BRONZE, La Grande, Oregon
3 articles 5 photos 124 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Writer's Block is when your characters get fed up with all you put them through and go on strike." -- Anonomous
"A Writer is someone for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people."--Thomas Mann

Hm.  As far as content and what's actually happening, this has a lot of potential.  I kind of wish that there was a little more description and thought process on the main character's part.

When it comes to grammar and spelliing--the stuff teachers call 'conventions'--you need some work.  I caught a few typos ('bite' instead of 'bit', etc.) that one read-through with a red pen should fix.

You also have very few, if any, commas.  When you're writing, imagine yourself saying the phrases.  Anywhere within the sentence that you would pause, you put a comma.  (there are a few set rules, concerning coordinating conjunctions and all that jazz, but it's a pain to remember.) 

You had a few run on sentences that could be easily fixed by adding commas, periods, and other sentence-enders.  A good example of this is your sentence "I know right how cheesy but these...".  Reading that, it all comes out in one slur, and makes no sense.  It should be written like: "I know, right?  How cheesy.  But these..."

There're also some odd word choices you've made here.  i.e.  'disillusioned', which means "to free from or deprive of an illusion".  Did you mean 'dilusional' (having a false opinion or belief)?  There was also your use of the word 'advisory', which is basically means the giving of or containing of advice.  I think you meant 'adversary', another word for opponent.

As far as good things (this list may look shorter, but that's just cuz I'm not going into as much detail), I found the calliing of the antagonist 'Mr. Villian' pretty funny, and a good tension reliever.  I also like the main character's voice.  Very strong--like I said at the beginning of this comment, I just want more.  I want to know every thought that goes through her head.  That way, I can get to know her like a real person.

If you would like a full list of my edits and stuff, let me know and I'll see if there's a way to get my edit-coverd Word document to you.

Great job!  This story has great potential! 



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