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White Ribbon

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EGram
White Ribbon
Summary: They told us we were adopted, part of their tribal family. But I’m still not sure that we’ve escaped the Officials back home. I know that the tribe won’t let me leave this place, and I know that if I go home the City will kill me there.

My brother watches the dance hugging the leg of the woman who tells him she’s his mother. My sister, at least, remembers we are sisters. She knows I do not love the chief’s son.

Eamon holds my waist with strong hands as we dance, and the chief looks on in approval. I think of Lazaro. I think of my kiss with Lazaro, and I see him in the crowd. I meet his eyes with shame.
The crowd is ready to cheer and clap. My wedding is almost over.





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This book has 87 comments. Post your own!

jbaker0184 said...
Mar. 28, 2011 at 12:43 pm:
Very Interesting story Emily.  I realy liked where you went with it.  My name is Jake and I want you to stay in touch with me.  I may need help with my novel.
 
EmilyGram replied...
Mar. 30, 2011 at 3:04 pm :
Hi Jake!  I would love to help you out with your novel!  That's what this site is for :)  Any specific feedback you can give me about White Ribbon so far would be greatly appreciated as well!
 
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BrielleM-JustAnotherOwl- said...
Mar. 25, 2011 at 7:47 pm:
Hehe. Now I'm just pathetically waiting until new chapters are up...
 
EmilyGram replied...
Mar. 30, 2011 at 3:02 pm :
I'm so glad!  I will be posting chapters 13-16 very soon! :)  Thanks for all your votes and support!
 
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Medina D. said...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 2:51 pm:

oh, and i forgot to say i love how almost all the chapters are named after colors. i got caught in the story, i felt like i knew all the characters right away. And it was cool how instead of starting the story with a huge introduction, you just started the scene.

Ok, NOW I'm officially done with my feedback :)

i'll be sure to buy this book in barnes and noble!! ;)

 
EmilyGram replied...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 9:52 pm :
Thank you thank you thank you thank you.  This comment really made my day.  Thank you!
 
Medina D. replied...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 11:44 am :
your welcome :D
 
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Medina D. said...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 2:49 pm:

Hi Emily. Thanks so much for asking me to read your story!! i enjoyed reading every chapter. You have excellent writing skills, i tell you. Of all the nice novels i imagine on the shelves of bookstores, this one would fit right in. The words weave together so beautifully. You say so much in so little words. The story.........how it was written........when i read the summary i knew it was going to be a good story. This is authentic sci fi right here. I'm enchanted, impressed. WOW *rubs eyes in... (more »)

 
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mummers4 said...
Mar. 20, 2011 at 6:29 am:

Dear EGRAM

Yesterday, I reread the first 8 chapters of your story and then read your latest chapters.  Your latest chapters are as outstanding as the first 8.  Your characters have life and involve the reader with their problems and feelings. I can't wait to read more. This book should certainly be published!

 
EmilyGram replied...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 9:52 pm :
Thank you, mummers4, for all your feedback and support!
 
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lotrisamazing said...
Mar. 19, 2011 at 7:01 pm:
This is so good! I am not very far but I want to keep reading because I need to know what happens! It is very well written, not choppy, not overdone, and I like the perspective and setting!
 
EmilyGram replied...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 9:51 pm :
Thank you!  I'm glad you like it!
 
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PJD17 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 18, 2011 at 8:10 pm:
i'm very impresed with this story  i read the whole thing in one sitting, and couldnt get enough of it,  i love the way the characters are written, and the story flows marvelously  i'm not much of a sci fye fan, but i greatly enjoyed this story  keep it up!
 
EmilyGram replied...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 9:51 pm :
Thank you so much.  You commented on all of my TeenInk writings and I'm so grateful for that!  Your feedback is so encouraging, and I can't thank you enough.
 
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koolwords said...
Mar. 17, 2011 at 6:21 pm:

well, this is one of those "oh my goodness" stories. It's really well thought out, and the more I read the more I like.

 

I think the romantic part is really nice, and the almost kind of secrecy behind everything is cool too.

 

I haven't finished yet (becuase of that evil thing called school) but I can't wait to read more.

 
EmilyGram replied...
Mar. 21, 2011 at 9:50 pm :
Thank you.  I really appreciate your comment, and if you do get a chance to finish it, please let me know what you think of the rest! :)
 
koolwords replied...
Mar. 22, 2011 at 6:43 am :

Hey I finished it and it was really good.

I liked how there was this kind of twist were you aren't sure who's the bad guy. Then the whole thing about the society's laws about no outsiders. It's just cool.

 

Keep writing because I'm sure we're all waiting for the end and we all would rather have it sooner then later.

 

Rock on!

 
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star3x8 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 16, 2011 at 6:26 pm:

Wow! This is really good! You got my attention from the very beginning, when you explained that Ori has a "sense", for a lack of better word. And then you have a scene where both parents die. You have a great start- and I just finished chapter 1.

Great job! I'll definitely continue reading.

 
EmilyGram replied...
Mar. 16, 2011 at 9:15 pm :
Thank you!  Please let me know what you think of the rest!  I look forward to your comments!
 
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BrielleM said...
Mar. 14, 2011 at 7:04 pm:
This is insanely great! I could definitely see it as a published book. I love the characters. I'm only on the seventh chapter, but I'm already sold on it. (:
 
BrielleM replied...
Mar. 16, 2011 at 4:44 pm :
Alright. Done. Could you please post more? It's so amazing and now I really want to know what will happen! (:
 
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