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HomeCelestial
Celestial
Summary: Celestials and their ancient legacy have disappeared with time's passing.
Summer is one of the last remaining Celestials in the entire land of King Lance and King Slade. Once she's discovered and brought before King Slade, her Element - Fire - is taken advantage of. While Summer's being juggled between two Kingdoms, no one notices as a third Kingdom arises.
And who is the King? Not a man. It's Summer's long lost mother.
Stuck in between the Kingdoms, it's up to Summer to decide the fate of all the Kingdoms - once and for all.
Summer is one of the last remaining Celestials in the entire land of King Lance and King Slade. Once she's discovered and brought before King Slade, her Element - Fire - is taken advantage of. While Summer's being juggled between two Kingdoms, no one notices as a third Kingdom arises.
And who is the King? Not a man. It's Summer's long lost mother.
Stuck in between the Kingdoms, it's up to Summer to decide the fate of all the Kingdoms - once and for all.
rainbowwafflesI really, really, enjoyed this. I love fantasy stories, but only if they're really good; this one definitely is! I wasn't sure about the third chapter at first, but I was relieved to see that it all came back around to Summer and Mira in the end and wasn't just a history lesson. Just one thing I pointed out: "Thirty gold pieces was more Summer’s savings tripled." There should be a 'than' between more and Summer.
Maybe you could check out my novel? It's called The Formation ... (more »)
I will notify you as soon as I can, as I'm on an extremely tight schedule. Probably tomorrow I'll get to reviewing your work.
Thanks so much! Your comment means a lot to me(:
Alright, I'm super sorry for the late reply. School's been occupying too much of my time lately. I read it and commented by the way. (:
OfficialApprover
I had to comment separately on the prologue and first chapter, my comment was too long. =P
Chapter 1:
This is more than just a pet peeve—it’s a cliché. When the MC wakes up at the beginning of the first chapter. I know, you want to say ‘But there’s no other way to start it!’, and I know changing your own stuff is torturous—I’m not even saying you have to change it—but wa... (more »)
Ahhh~ yeah, that's another one. Publisher no-no's. Changing the first chapter is one of my top re-do's for Celestial.
Haha, I have a problem of not picking out errors that might affect readability, so thanks for point those out.
I'm very, very behind. I barely scratched out chapter three after about three months (I know) on the novel, so yes, I'll combine the chapters.
Your critique was superb. Most helpful of all. Thank you so much for the time critiquing! I ... (more »)
=) I'm glad my critique was helpful. I was afraid it was too short with my limited time.
No problem with the readability--I'm a Grammar Na.zi. XD
And I'm glad you're someone who realizes the publisher no-nos. =D That'll make everything much easier.
Haha, that was actually a pretty long critique. Thanks again!
Elizabeth_Day
Hey, OfficialApprover. This might be a little strange, but I like your editing style. :] Could you possible check out my short story, The Firejumper? I'd love some advice from a fellow Grammar Nazi.
I think you might have to comment on her novel Don't Need Anyone and ask for the feedback. That's what I did(:
Okay, here I am. =) I don’t have a ton of time, and I’m trying to fit this in, so if it’s not as long as some of my critiques, I apologize.
First off, I’ll commend you on your summary. For one, it had good grammar—a rarity here; for another, it was fairly well-written, and captured the reader’s attention.
Alright. The prologue. What I’m about to mention first is something that I understand ca... (more »)
Thanks for the helpful critique!
I have been googling publisher advice, and the prologue thing did come up a couple of times. I'm still debating whether to include the prologue or to cut it.
Once again thanks!(:
TimekeeperFirst off, congratulations on being the most discussed Sci-Fi/Fantasy novel :D
Secondly, to the critique...I really like the character's names here. You manage to capture the fantasy elements without having to resort to unrealistic names. The flow between the details, backstory, and actual events is very well done, and you never had to resort to simply spelling anything out for the reader.
The best advice I can give is in the long run, as you complete the novel, keep the core ca... (more »)
Thanks[;
Your feedback was really helpful, and I appreciate it. I'll submit more when I have the time(: Oh yeah.
I'm just curious, but how long does it take you to finish a novel? I'm trying to pace myself evenly here, to split time between schoolwork, studying, etc and I'm not entirely sure. Thanks(:
AnnerdyI like the time and setting of this; how it's like a fairytale with a twist. Your style of writing actually really reminds me of "Ash" by Malinda Lo (a modern twist on Cinderella where the main character actually does hunt with a bow also) and the type of revised tales that Donna Jo Napoli writes. I wish you incorporated more "showing than telling" into the story because the beginning of Chapter Two kind of lost my attention. It was easy to figure out what type of person Mira was, but I wish ... (more »)
Thanks for the critiquing! Yeah, I thought about removing Chapter Two in place for something a bit more interesting to read, and I also did think about clearing up Summer's personality. I'll have to revise it when I submit more chapters. Haha I haven't heard of Malinda Lo or read Donna Jo Napoli, but I'll be sure to check it out sometime.
Yup, girl power. I was aiming for that. Thanks for the helpful feedback(:!
Hazel-daisyI really like it!! I think you have very good writing skills especially in this genre!! Most people write about the norm but I like how you experimented and produced this!! The description of everything is excellent and I like how you mentioned the forest in a great depth and how the description was told as if it was describing a person (there's a word for that but I can't remember what it is) anyway well done!!
Pandora118Haha thanks. I didn't know I had all that stuff in there, but I guess that's what I get for reading too much. Yeah, I think you meant personification. Thanks so much!
charmiypiggyI like the idea you have for the story. Your wording and descriptions are good, and I would gladly continue reading it. But I must point out all the mistakes I can.
'...plunged into the warmness of the fire.' Should be warmth instead of warmness.
'Within the arms,....' Correct to 'Within them,'
'...was filled of confusion.' Change to either 'was full of confusion' or 'was filled with confusion.
'... walked int... (more »)
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