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Home > Novel (Fiction) > Sci-fi/Fantasy > Celestial
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Celestial

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lovelycheese
Celestial
Summary: Celestials and their ancient legacy have disappeared with time's passing.
Summer is one of the last remaining Celestials in the entire land of King Lance and King Slade. Once she's discovered and brought before King Slade, her Element - Fire - is taken advantage of. While Summer's being juggled between two Kingdoms, no one notices as a third Kingdom arises.
And who is the King? Not a man. It's Summer's long lost mother.
Stuck in between the Kingdoms, it's up to Summer to decide the fate of all the Kingdoms - once and for all.



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This book has 236 comments. Post your own!

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Untamed said...
Feb. 19, 2011 at 9:02 pm:
I found it interesting in the description and exposition you give on it, and the dialogue is ok but could use some work. It's a nice beginning and you should keep writing. I'm curious though, this is your first novel right?
 
lovelycheese replied...
Feb. 24, 2011 at 6:42 pm :
That advice helped me a lot. I think I may just need to do that, creating a notebook. Hmm. I had a feeling my character dialogue wasn't so clear. Thank you so much, and I'll definitely heed your advice!
 
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drmstarlet21 said...
Feb. 18, 2011 at 1:19 pm:
Your descriptions are...for lack of a better word...twitterpating. They paint a clear picture in my mind, and I can feel like I am really there. The only part a bit lacking is the image of the village. I like how it is left up to the imagination, but maybe you could describe the secret village a bit more, so readers may understand better of the forest and its inhabitants. Even left alone, the story is amazing. Your writing style and figurative language work with the Elemental aspect of the story... (more »)
 
lovelycheese replied...
Feb. 18, 2011 at 9:05 pm :
Thanks for the comment - it means a lot! I hadn't noticed my lacking description of the village (I guess it's all too clear in my head) and I'm glad you mentioned it. Thanks(:
 
drmstarlet21 replied...
Feb. 19, 2011 at 8:06 am :
You're welcome! I know the feeling of it being too clear in your head. I just recently got a TeenInk account...if you have time, would you mind reading mine (A Star is Born)?
 
lovelycheese replied...
Feb. 20, 2011 at 1:26 am :
Sure, no problem. Would you mind telling me the location, though? Thanks(:
 
drmstarlet21 replied...
Feb. 20, 2011 at 8:16 am :
Sure! It's in the Novel section (Fiction) and only the first chapter is up so far. Thanks!
 
lovelycheese replied...
Feb. 20, 2011 at 9:58 pm :
I just reviewed it and I have to say, one of the best novels I've read yet on the site. Keep writing!
 
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yummyummycandy said...
Feb. 13, 2011 at 5:54 pm:
I think that this plot line so far is awesome. You're writing is fantastic, and unlike so many other stories I've read, there are few errors, and words are not repetitve (not a lot of "said"). I like how it's going so far, and I hope you post up the next chapter soon.
 
lovelycheese replied...
Feb. 13, 2011 at 7:17 pm :
Heyy Eileen! Yup, your name gave it away. Dude, create a Teen Ink account already. It's awesome. And can you tell me the link for your story? My email's not working and I can't find it. Thanks for the feedback;]
 
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leafyThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 11, 2011 at 9:59 pm:
ooh good story, can't wait to see what happens next!
 
lovelycheese replied...
Feb. 13, 2011 at 7:14 pm :
Thanks so much!(: 
 
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Ebonykitty said...
Feb. 10, 2011 at 2:46 pm:

I loooooooooved it! You're a natural writer! I think you have a brilliant plot to work with and the characters are very believable. It's a wonderful story.

I can't wait to read more!

~Ebony~

 
lovelycheese replied...
Feb. 10, 2011 at 8:01 pm :
Thank you so much, Ebony! It really means a lot to me(: If you could review some of my other work too, that'd be great. Thanks again!(:
 
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AgnotTheOdd said...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 8:47 pm:
This is a pretty good story.  The first chapter lost my interest a little, but i greatly enjoyed the prologue and second chapter.  Im a little curious as to where youll go with this novel.  Best of luck
 
lovelycheese replied...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 11:11 pm :

I'm changing the first chapter for sure. Instead of the jolting awake thing, I think I might do Summer working with the villagers in preparation for the trader's feast. Thanks for the feedback!

And. To everyone else: I won't be posting up chapters until I get well into the story (maybe chapter four or five) or until I can submit chapters without taking the whole novel offline. Thank you guys so much for taking the time to read!

 
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alex_goldThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 4, 2011 at 5:23 pm:

lovelycheese, I read your novel! First let me say that I am very impressed! Great vocabulary and astounding story-line!

Now, there are some things that you need to fix. In several sentences in Chapter 2 you either have too many words (to the point where the sentence doesn't make sense or is a run-on sentence) or not enough words (where the reader might have to mentally fill in needed words for themselves). That would be your main issue as of right now. 

Aside from that, I l... (more »)

 
lovelycheese replied...
Feb. 4, 2011 at 9:45 pm :
I'll be sure to look for those sentences in Chapter Two when I revise, alex_gold. Thank you so much for taking the time to read!(:
 
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Elizabeth_DayThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Feb. 1, 2011 at 12:47 am:
I'm really liking this so far, Lovelycheese (awesome screen name by the way)  I already love Mira.  Who couldn't with the way you portray her?  You do an excellent job with keeping us in the main character's head.  All of those sensory details make the reader feel THERE.  I love it.  My only semi-negative comment is that I noticed some tense-changes in the third chapter.  Just make sure to keep the past in the past tense.  :)  I love the fire scene. &... (more »)
 
lovelycheese replied...
Feb. 1, 2011 at 10:28 pm :
Haha, thanks. Mira was inspired by my everyday heroes. I really appreciate your feedback. And yes, I'm intrigued by fire, so I decided to write about it(: Thanks again!
 
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rainbowwaffles said...
Jan. 31, 2011 at 5:36 pm:

I really, really, enjoyed this. I love fantasy stories, but only if they're really good; this one definitely is! I wasn't sure about the third chapter at first, but I was relieved to see that it all came back around to Summer and Mira in the end and wasn't just a history lesson. Just one thing I pointed out: "Thirty gold pieces was more Summer’s savings tripled." There should be a 'than' between more and Summer. 

Maybe you could check out my novel? It's called The Formation ... (more »)

 
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