I didn’t attempt to kill Garrett again. I had tried twice in my life already, once when I was fourteen and again when I was sixteen. Both times had been a disaster, and now that I was an adult, I’d likely be thrown in prison for attempted murder on such a respectable man. No, a bounty hunter like Beau not only knew how to kill, but he was untouchable in the law. If he was caught, he could bring down the dozens of politicians that hired him before, which was too risky.
  It took me over eight months to get the money. That was a short time, considering how little money I had. It was all my past savings, my new paychecks, and money I had managed to obtain through petty theft. It was hard to keep it from Garrett. He’d routinely check my bank account, so I had to keep it all in cash, but he also checked my bedroom at night. I ended up cutting a hole in my mattress and sleeping on top of the cash. It was uncomfortable, and grew more and more lumpy, but it was better than having to start from scratch with a broken jaw. As soon as I had all the money, I transferred the money to my bank account, and dialed the number right away.
  When I called the number, the operator answered, just like Beau said. She said the line was down, and that I couldn’t have access. As soon as she finished her sentence, I punched in the digits printed on the card. On my phone screen, a page asking for my credit card information popped up. I typed everything in. After, the page went blank. I wasn’t sure if it had worked, and I felt a feeling of dread that my information would be floating around. I drove home, angry that I was so stupid. Trusting a criminal seemed like a pretty basic thing not to do. I expected to be blasted with questions as soon as Garrett got home, about how I got all that money.
  Instead, I received a text from an unknown number. It gave me an address to a local bar, one of the shadier ones with holes in the walls. I had been there once before for a birthday, as it was one of the few bars that let underage citizens in. The text said to come the next day, at eleven P.M. I checked my bank account to be sure. Zero dollars. I guess I wasn’t so dumb, after all.
If Garrett noticed anything wrong with me, he didn’t comment on it. During dinner that night, the room was silent. Only the scraping of our forks and his obnoxious chewing filled the room. I couldn’t think of anything to say. The only thought running through my mind was how good it was going to feel to watch him die. I wanted to be there. I wanted to deliver the final blow, if possible. I wanted to say, You took my childhood motherf*er, now I’m taking your life.
As I was doing the dishes, he watched from the doorway. He had a beer bottle in his hand, although it was practically empty.
“I’m having a few friends over tonight.” He finally spoke, and I could feel his eyes burning into the back of my skull. I didn’t respond right away, setting a plate into the dishwasher.
“Did you hear me?” He spoke a little louder, but he wasn’t angry. I nodded, briefly looking over my shoulder at him. The corner of his mouth was curved upward, a sideways smile.
“Yes.” I answered vocally too, knowing he liked that more than a nod. I wasn’t sure what else I was supposed to say. His friends didn’t like me. They often called me names, or were a bit too friendly. Typically, I would try to hide out in my room, if he let me.
“There’s going to be five of them. Rich. We’re striking deals.” He kept talking, not getting the memo that I didn’t care. The less I knew about what he was up to, the better. I thought he had learned this by now. “I don’t want you embarrassing me.”
   He embarrassed himself on his own perfectly well. At times, he’d get blackout drunk, cursing up a storm, causing everyone to file out. I didn’t dare say that.
“Yes, Papa.” I responded, going back to running over the dinner dishes with soapy water. He didn’t take his eyes off me. I saw those icy blue eyes in my nightmares.
“Good boy.” He smiled, showing off his yellow teeth. I hated him. I hated that he spoke to me like that. I only smiled back because I knew a bullet would be soon lodged into his head. I didn’t know if there was a Hell, but I wanted him to rot in it for all eternity.
Once I finished the dishes, he let me go to my room. I didn’t have a door, so I could hear every word exchanged in the living room. I couldn’t sleep. I stared up at my ceiling, listening. Apparently, one of the men had found a sixteen year old bride, and they were celebrating. I heard a high pitched voice every now and again, and it took me some time before I realized where I had heard it before. The bounty hunter’s hangout. Apparently, it was a small world afterall.

The following day, I told Garrett that I was spending the night at Luke’s, a childhood friend of mine. I stayed in my car after work, taking a nearly four hour nap. I had nothing else to do, after all. At eleven, I drove over to the bar.
It was just as grimy as I remembered. The door’s paint was chipped, likely not touched since the day the joint opened. When I entered, the television over the bar was blaring. Apparently, the United States was coming closer to nuclear war every day. I found myself not caring much. I figured it would be better for everyone if we were all incinerated.
Beau sat at the far end of the bar, a few empty glasses next to him. He looked like he belonged in one of the only cowboy movies. He looked up at me when I sat next to him, his dark eyes looking through me once more. I liked them. They were the opposite of Garrett’s.
“I did some research.” He informed, his whole body turning to me. I found myself intimidated, our knees barely brushing against each other’s. “Garrett Shrite, sixty two. Right?” Even though he was asking, I knew he knew he was right. I nodded in response.
“Real respected guy around here. Rich and powerful. Everyone turned a blind eye when it was discovered he owned that pedophile ring around here.” He continued on. I didn’t know what I was supposed to say, so I nodded again. “He adopted you, correct?” Again, I nodded. It was so obvious he knew his information was accurate. He sighed, lighting a cigarette. “Poor bastard.” He murmured. I looked at him for a while, feeling an urge to say thank you. Finally, someone understood that being adopted by Garrett wasn’t some kind of blessing. I would have rather waited eighteen years in the orphanage than have ever lived one day with him.
“So, you’re going to kill him.” I clarified. Beau rolled his eyes, and I immediately felt dumb for saying that. Of course he was, he took my money. It wasn’t a personal thing for him, it was a job.
“Yup.” He blew his smoke away from me, leaning more on the counter. “I just gotta know a few things.”
“What, you couldn’t find more information through your research?” I remarked, which caused him to chuckle. It wasn’t sarcastic, and the lines around his eyes crinkled. I don’t know why I noticed that.
“Smartass.” Beau smirked, and I felt proud of myself for being able to amuse him. “But no, I couldn’t. I need to know where Garrett sleeps, if he has any guns on him, and what time would be best to come.” 
  I figured he’d need that kind of information, and luckily for him, I studied my father just as well as he studied me.
“He sleeps with a gun in his nightstand. His room is the furthest from the front door, toward the end of the house.” I watched as Beau took a long drag, feeling mesmerized by how the cloud of smoke floated through the air. He was handsome, in a rugged sort of way. “He typically is asleep by one in the morning, but I can text you if something changes.”
Beau squinted in thought, wrinkles forming around his eyes. “I need you to get that gun out of his nightstand, just in case. Take a plank of wood and jam the drawer from the inside so he doesn’t notice. Is he a heavy sleeper?”
I nodded my head. Despite having a lot of enemies, Garrett could sleep through a hurricane.
“Good. Do you have a window I can get through?”
I nodded again. The house was one story, it would be easy enough to climb through a window. “I have one in my room.”
Beau sighed, and some smoke slipped out between his lips. “I’m gonna need to come to your house and scope it out. Your descriptions are s***.”
I ended up giving him my address. I expected we would talk some more, and even found myself wanting to hang out, but that was that. He put out his cigarette, and left me alone at the bar.

I invited Beau over while Garrett was drinking with friends. It was around ten at night, and the rain had finally stopped. The sky had a haze over it, like dust clouds. I sat outside front door, looking up. I couldn’t see any stars.
“What the f*** are you doing?” A New Zealand accent broke me from my concentration. Sure enough, Beau was walking up beside me. “You look all sentimental, kid.” He looked up at the sky as well, searching for something I was seeing.
I didn’t want to tell him that I saw nothing, either. I stood up, wiping the dirt off my pants. “Nothin’.” I murmured, opening the front door for him. He followed me inside, looking unimpressed. I couldn’t blame him. Despite all of Garrett’s connections, he had scarcely decorated the place.
I took Beau to my room. It was tiny, the only decoration on my walls being a model plane poster Luke had gotten me years ago. I didn’t see the point in decorating it. This home was temporary.
“I was thinking you can come in through my window.” I gestured to it, a double panel window above my bed. Beau wasn’t even looking at it, staring at me from the doorframe.
“Why don’t you have a door?” He asked, crossing his arms.
“Garrett says I don’t need one. He likes watching me.” I shrugged, not wanting to focus on that. I took him to Garrett’s room next, showing him how I had stuffed the drawer. He gave it a tug, testing it.
“Good.” He nodded at me, and I felt myself beam. He cracked a smile. He crossed around the room, inspecting it. It looked like he was counting his steps, plotting.
He looked back at me, seeming surprised that I was still watching. I didn’t want to leave him alone. It felt like if I left him alone, something would happen to him. He was my chance. My chance at freedom.
“You havin’ second thoughts?” Beau tilted his head, stepping back to be close to me. He was a few inches taller, I had to look up at him.
“No way. Are you?”
He laughed, as if the very idea was ridiculous. “Not a chance.” He promised me, his scarred hand patting my shoulder. It had been awhile since I got any touch of affection, so I enjoyed it, even if it was coming from a bounty hunter.
Once he got all the information he needed, he decided to leave. He didn’t want to risk Garrett coming back and blowing the whole thing. I walked him outside. The rain was definitely over, and now there was a warm smog over the city.
“So when are you gonna do it?” I stopped him right outside my driveway, needing to be as apart of this as possible.
“Probably Saturday.” He shrugged. “It’ll be late. Stay awake, okay?”
He didn’t wait for my answer, knowing I’d agree to do anything at this point. He turned around and walked away. I watched him until his figure had completely disappeared. I sat back down on the steps and watched the sky. I still saw nothing.

Saturday came soon enough. Beau came to my window at one, just as he promised. I opened my window for him, grabbing his hand to pull him through. He had two guns strapped to his sides, and he grinned when he saw me staring at them.
“Stay here.” He said, pointing towards the bed. I shook my head, not understanding.
“Why?”
“I don’t want you messin’ this up.”
I slowly sunk down on my bed, although I wanted to watch. I wanted to watch every moment. Beau shuffled across my carpet, slinking into the dark hallway. I stared at my poster, waiting. I expected to hear gunshots, screaming, cursing. It was silent. I could only wait for a good five minutes before I crept after Beau.
He was hovering over Garrett, dragging him off the bed. He yanked a needle out of Garrett’s throat, a drop of clear liquid flinging off an into the carpet. He looked up at me, frowning.
“What the hell are doing? Are you deaf or something?”
I shook my head as he slung Garrett’s unconscious body over his shoulder. He sighed, pushing past me to head outside. I followed silently.
He threw Garrett’s body into his trunk, getting into the driver’s seat. I got in beside him. His car was all black, the windows tinted. It was a nice car. Clean. He lit a cigarette, turning on the radio. “Change it into anything you like.” He offered, but I didn’t touch it.
We drove in silence. I couldn’t think of an interesting conversation starter. Hey, you’re still gonna kill my dad, right? You didn’t rip me off, right? Wasn’t exactly ideal.
We went to some warehouse on the outskirts of the city. He dragged Garrett inside, a single metal pole standing in the center of the floor. He chained my dad to that, crushing his cigarette beside his limp body.
“Now we wait.” Beau informed me. I didn’t say anything, which caused him to turn and look at me. “I thought you’d be jumping in joy right now. What’s wrong with you?”
I shrugged. He rolled his eyes. It was silent for a long time, the only sound being the wind blowing from outside. Eventually, I moved to stand by him.
“Why did we bring him here?” I asked.
“I figured just shooting him wouldn’t do it. I’m going to make him suffer.” He began setting up a table, lining up all sorts of weapons. I stared blankly at him.
“Aw, come on now, don’t look at me like that. You can step outside if you really can’t handle it.” He set down his guns on the edge, closest to him.
“I can handle it.” I took one of his guns, which he didn’t object to. He grabbed my wrist, letting go when I flinched. He awkwardly rubbed my arm.
“Well, at least you can have a door now.” His hand lingered on me before he removed it again.
“Yeah.”
We left it at that.
Garrett didn’t come through for a couple of hours, at least. I was certain it’d be Sunday afternoon by the time we finally got to it.
He lifted his head up like it was heavy, grunting in pain. His eyes squinted, and I found myself regretting everything. Even though he was chained, in pain, and groggy, I felt like I was standing in front of a wild animal. Beau shifted on his feet, straightening up.
“What the hell is this?” Garrett grumbled, his voice groggy. When his eyes settled on me, his chains rattled. His face shifted and changed, the pain overshadowed by anger. Beau calmly walked to him, blocking my view.
  “Hayden.” Garrett spoke firmly, understanding what was happening now. “Call it off. You can’t do this to your own dad. I took you in, gave you everything-”
Beau raised his knife and sliced off a finger. I gagged. Garrett deserved it, absolutely, but it was hard to watch. Garrett screamed in agony, a spew of cursings filling the air. Beau moved to the next finger, not breaking a sweat.
By the time he was done, Beau’s hands and chest were covered in blood. There was a pool of blood surrounding Garrett, but he was still alive. Barely. Beau handed me a gun, patting my shoulder.
I shot my dad right between the eyes.
There are no words to describe the satisfaction I got from watching his body crumple. Mutilated, it was hardly recognizable. To be sure he was really dead, I stomped his head. His brains were stuck on my sneakers. I looked up at Beau, who was grinning. I was officially a criminal. Him and I, we were no different now.
“Feel good?” He asked. It did, at least in the moment. I felt like I had saved hundreds of kids from ending up like me. Even though I now had blood on my hands, and some would argue I was no better than him, it felt good to know he couldn’t hurt anyone anymore. The police wouldn’t have done s***. I was the hero, me, a scrawny kid with brain matter on his sneakers.
I laughed. I laughed like a maniac. Beau threw gasoline on the body and we watched it burn. I laughed the entire time. Beau was stoic. The smell was indescribable. Burning flesh wasn’t sweet, apparently. Before we drove off together, I gave Garrett’s ashes the finger. Beau said I was like a child. I never felt like a child before. It was good. In that moment, it didn’t hurt anymore.

After that night, I couldn’t sleep. While it felt good for a little bit, there was a sudden worry that festered up inside of me. The police wouldn’t do anything to Garrett for hurting kids because he was so well respected, but they certainly wouldn’t hesitate to arrest me for killing him. They never came for me, though. The city held a funeral for Garrett. People who didn’t even know him said he was a good man and that they loved him.
I moved out of the house. I lived in a rental for a little bit, which I decorated to my heart’s content. It didn’t last long. No matter what I did, the place didn’t feel like home. It felt empty. Even though it was small, it felt too big, in a sense. I moved in with Beau.
Beau. We kept in touch. He was worried about me. He told me some people were born to be criminals, and I wasn’t one of them. He told me I should stop my criminal career there, because he saw too much of himself in me. He told me the mirror hurt. We grew close, though. I guess he was able to get over the parts of himself he saw in me.
I told him he was beautiful one night, while we lay together. I told him to tell me all of the parts he hated about himself, and I kissed over every single one. I loved him. I love him. He really was my chance at getting away from Garrett, in every sense. He was a criminal, sure, but he was a good man. He took care of me. We got married four years later. It was a private ceremony. Afterwards, we smoked cigarettes together. Our honeymoon was driving an hour from the city and f***ing in the back of his car.
He died from too much radiation exposure about a year ago. Nobody but I came to his funeral. I think I’m dying, too. He was the only person that made me feel less empty. Less guilty. Life’s just not worth it anymore.
I guess that’s why I’m writing this. It feels good to admit what I did and explain why I did it. Maybe it was selfish. Maybe I didn’t save anyone at all, because there’s still creeps out there who get kids with or without Garrett. But I saved myself. I know that.