The Moon Worlds of Saturn | Teen Ink

The Moon Worlds of Saturn

October 30, 2017
By noellereiss, Marina Del Rey, California
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noellereiss, Marina Del Rey, California
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Favorite Quote:
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.”
― Dr. Seuss


Author's note:

This piece was inspired by my own confusion of what my future holds and my own painful experience with love. Emma goes through pain, loss of innocence, love, and extreme confusion thoughout the story along with struggling to be heard and have a voice. My own experiences with being invisible echo into this character. 

My elegants dress floats around me as I sit patiently on a chair, all alone in a huge bedroom. Servants come in and out, not speaking a word to me. I face the outside, staring out the window. I look at my hands, the delicate peach color vibrating with youth. Suddenly, they start to shrivel with age. Wrinkles appear, my hands slowly turning into emaciated raisins like my grandmother’s. I look into the mirror, my breathing beginning to turn panicked. There, in front of the mirror, I see not myself, but an old woman aged without company and life. She is expressionless, as if the only thing she has seen is the window in front of her.

My bright red hair slashes my face like whips as my long white nightgown billows in the wind. My hands turn white from gripping the balcony railing so hard. I look up into the huge dark infinite sky and count the moons to myself. From Dione, I can see six moons, but there are 47 more that I never see. 53 moons of Saturn. 24 with living people inhabiting them. I look to Saturn, wondering if anything might live there and if they could see all the moons that I will never see. I look out to Titan, the largest and capital moon, with its huge blue surface and bodies of water and swirls of black that are so unfamiliar to me. Every other moon is white or grey, its surface bland and boring, the only difference being the shape. I look to Rhea and Tethys and my mouth becomes dry with anxiety. I can see them both from here, and both seem to suck the little life I have left in me. Flying tsunts flap their great wings above me, breaking the atmosphere and flying out into the universe. Who knows how many moons, or even planets, that they’ve seen. I pray to the Goddess of Saturn to help me find my way.
“Emmetyus!” my mother’s muffled voice calls. I toss my long hair behind my shoulders and let go of the railing, almost hoping that the wind would just blow me away. Through the huge glass doors separating me, I see my mother, already dressed in her long, white, elegant dress. Resting on her huge updo rests a comically large crown in the shape of our moon, Dione.
I sigh, moving back inside, doing my best to not show the struggle of closing the door against the winds. I obey her, as always, doing everything without a word, without a peep.
“Look at your hair! By Saturn, why would you go outside?” She rushes to me, trying to fix my matted hair. I roll my eyes once she is behind me, preparing for another rant. “Emmetyus, you can’t just throw your appearance this way. You are seventeen! You are the princess of Dione, you must represent us. You knew your suitors were coming today! You will marry one of these men, and you can’t just look like you came from the streets!” My shoulders tense at the mention of my “suitors.” From the beginning, there were always people living on the moons of Saturn. Each moon had a different set of people, each having their religion and beliefs. The 400 year war ended around 600 years ago, and since then, the moons have been hard at work trying to unite themselves by marriage. The sons of the moons stay in their home moon, and the daughters are married off to a different moon to make alliances and unite the moons. Meaning I, being the second born princess of Dione, am obligated to marry someone from another moon.
I try to block out my mom’s nagging as I strip and pick up the uncomfortable looking outfit pre-set for me on my huge bed. Her words all sound smashed together, each one the same as the last. She grabs my corset, wrapping it around me, then pulling it rigorously and mercilessly. I squeeze my eyes shut, letting it suck the breath out of me. I wish I wasn’t mute so I could let out my pain in some sort of sound. Finishing what she came here to do, she finally leaves the room, still muttering. I roll my eyes back into my head and grab a hairbrush. Ignoring the pain, I pull recklessly at my head, imagining myself ripping away the freakishly tight corset. The door opens, my servants walking in. They move swiftly through the room, picking up makeup and hair product, quickly seating me and doing their job. I do as they say: I step here, I close my eyes, I hold this, that.
“Close your eyes,” Jo’s sweet voice asks. I close them, and I don’t open them until they leave.
Their footsteps leave the room, and my eyes open, weary from no sleep. In front of me is a new person. My long red hair is tied up tightly into a bun. My white dress falls to my feet, which are held by tall grey heels, making me seem just a little less short. The dress is held up by sheer short sleeves and a grey sash around my waist, accentuating my figure. A small silver necklace depicts the Dione moon seal. My innocent face is pretty, yet the look of sadness does nothing to help me look beautiful. I wonder if this is who I was meant to be.

For the millionth time, I stare at the face of Reicher, the prince of Rhea, my mother’s home moon. She forces it into my face, pointing out his beauty and firm, dependable face. I’ve heard about this person for my entire life, hearing my mother extol about how amazing he is and how amazing his moon will be. Six suitors are the right age for me at the moment, and all of them are to be given an equal chance. My mother and father don’t seem to get the memo. My mother’s first husband was native to Dione, but he died, forcing the moon to find another king in another moon. They found my father, the second born of the moon Tethys. Because of this, I have a second person shoving a man into my face. To make at least one of them happy, I know I will marry either the Rhea or the Tethys man. One of them is bound to appeal to me. One of them must be a good person. My ambivalent ideas make it hard to stay focused.
“Look how handsome Reicher is!”
“Heten is so strong!”
“Don’t listen to your father, Rhea makes the most handsome men!”
“He could defeat the moons all on his own!”
I want to tell them that I will marry one of them, and to just leave me alone, but I know it will do nothing good, and nothing would come out of my mouth anyways.
“They are here my lady.” I whip my head around to see a butler standing in the doorway.
“Oh joy! Let is go!” my mother squeals with delight. My shoulders tense even more.

I sit elegantly on my chair, just as my mother has trained me to do. I block out everything as they come in, trying to not remember that every single eye is on me, trying not to remember that I will have to be some mute queen, waiting around in my huge new palace for yet another maid to wait on me until I die. My dream still haunts me.
“Reicher Rhea!” My eyes subconsciously roll, but then I realize this is real. I play it off by looking around. A young, handsome, blond, blue eyed man walks up to me. Blue eyes are my achilles heel. He bows elegantly, and I give the rehearsed slight head nod with a small smile.
“Heten Tethys!” A black-haired, confident man walks up. His jaunty walk is intimidating with his huge muscles and intriguing, c***y smile. He’s got to be around twenty. The age range is supposed to be seventeen to nineteen. Head nod, slight smile.
“Verin Mimas!” “Beniy Pandora!” The names keep coming, each name different, each last name signalling their birth moon. Head nod, slight smile. Head nod, slight smile.
“Peter Pan!” I audibly snort, making my mother shoot me a look. Peter Pan? Like the fairy tale? What sort of parents would do that to their kid? Having such a simple moon name is bland enough, but naming him that, now that’s something. The young, simple looking boy smiles at my snort, his hands signing Hi Wendy, making a reference to the tale. My eyes widen. He knows sign language. My language. And even more, not ASL, but SEE (Signed Exact English). I forget the head nod, and my eyes follow him across the room as he walks back to his position, his freckles bouncing along his nose with his dirty blond head.
“Eric Enceladus!” Eric approaches me. He is handsome and boyish, with kind brown eyes the same color as his hair. His demure and kind smile takes me aback, unlike the others who either smirk or don’t smile at all.
He is the last one, and I almost slump in my chair, relieved.
“Today, you nine princes are here to win the hand of the beautiful Princess Emmetyus.” There it is. Always “the beautiful,” never “the smart” or “the kind.” I hear those phrases from other kingdoms, and sure, looks didn’t come with them, but it would be nice to be known for something else. The speaker goes on about the great history of the moons of Saturn, and the devotion to unite us all, yadayada, finally ending inexorably with “as you all should know, the princess is mute. She can hear and understand everything you say, but she will not be able to communicate back to you unless you can understand ASL or SEE. The royal family and servants have taken it upon themselves to learn it, so I suggest to pick up a sign book as soon as you can. We will now let the princess interview you all.”
I rise, letting my long dress elegantly flow behind me as I walk to the next room. The princes follow close behind. We enter a simple room furnished with two comfortable leather chairs and a small table with a set of written questions. Starlight pours in from huge, long windows lining the walls.
The princes wait outside the door as I seat myself, brushing my hair with my fingers. Reicher Rhea, the one from my mother’s birth moon, walks in, flipping his hair to the side.
“It is a great pleasure to meet you, princess,” he says charmingly, his voice smooth and confident. I nod, holding up the first flashcard: “What are your interests?”
“Well, I particularly enjoy touring the kingdom and to help my father with politics.” Touring the kingdom? That means going around in carriage and watching as screaming girls chase you. I nod politely, every single time, occasionally smiling when he throws in a clever pick up line into his banter.
Second card: “Why should I choose you?”
“Because, my princess, I will make a lovely husband, there for you at all times, and always there to woo you with my good looks.”
I nod, mouthing, Thank you, along with signing it to help them learn the basics. He gets up and leaves. The rest file in, intimidating Heten Tytus mentioning his muscles and strength any time he can, Verin Mimas being overly insipid and proper, Eric Enceladus being extremely kind and gregarious, and Beniy Pandora being a little emotional when he talked about my beauty. Finally, Peter Pan walks in.
Hello! He signs. I instantly smile. It is refreshing to hear a hello instead of the “it's a pleasure” or “my, how honored I am to be in the presence of such beauty” or something of the sort.
Hello, I sign. I am so taken aback that he can sign even a hello, that I totally forget about the flashcards. He smiles.
What’s up?
You know how to sign? I ask, still smiling.
Yes, I know every language from all my travels, including sign.
Travels?
I have never traveled before. Who knew a prince could?
Yes! My mother never cared much for me, only for my sisters. It gave me freedom to go off to other moons, and even go exploring in the great blue waters of Titan.
My eyes light up. Titan is the head, or president moon, the only moon that is not white. It is different, the only moon that has something interesting about it. Blue waters cover the face, giving off a strange glow to the planet.
I’ve never been outside my own moon before, I sign.
Train gone! Every moon is different, every one special in its own way. Some native people of Titan even live in underwater buildings!
I gasp in admiration, leaning forward on my elbows, listening to him about the great things I have never seen.
Tell me more.
He smiles, his dark blue eyes sparkling as he talks about his travels. Something about his kind, adventurous smile and wild eyes makes me stare.
I’ve learned so much from traveling. I’ve learned so many languages and customs and traditions, and I celebrate many that appeal to me. Titan was so special because it has no home religion or language, it is the president moon, so it is the moon that anyone can go. People from every moon live there, discovering themselves and sharing their traditions with the diverse moon. You don’t know how much I did. I took the time to learn all their languages and play all their instruments, enchanting them with my own. It’s really incredible. It seems as if his hands can’t move fast enough to explain everything he wants to say. His smile seems to light up the room even more. I look out into the dark sky lit up with stars, the tsuns dancing and thriving in the wind, letting it carry them to new places. I wish I could be one.
I feel a hand lightly touch my bare shoulder. I look to him again.
Is everything alright? he says.
Yes. Can I hear your voice?
“I wish I could hear yours,” he speaks. His voice is warm and pure, like it has been baked and set out on the rings of Saturn to cool. I smile. He is someone who I could divulge all my secrets to and I would trust him to keep them locked away.
How are you? See anyone you like?
I sigh, knowing that once I marry, and once he too is forced to marry someone, we will both be trapped. He seems to read my thoughts exactly.
I pick up my hands. I wish I could just run away. I wish I could be like you. I wish I wasn’t in this stupid contest. I wish I didn’t have to pick someone to spend the rest of my life with in only a week. I wish I could talk. I wish I wasn’t royalty. My hands shake. He lightly stops my hands, picking them up and pressing them into his steady, warm palms.
Me too, he signs.
The door opens, the guard giving me a look that he has been inside for too long. He stands, leaving, looking back at me as the door closes. I scold myself for telling Peter that and for thinking in such ways.

That day, I eliminate Verin Mimas and Beniy Pandora, leaving four men. Before, I thought I would marry Heten or Reicher, but Eric and Peter are here too. I didn’t think there would be anyone else. I know I cannot marry Peter, I cannot tie him down to me, preventing him from traveling and seeing the world. I could at least give him a few more years until another girl chooses him. There are plenty of princesses waiting for a prince to take them away. My brother easily won over the heart of his princess of Pandora in only his second competition, and they will soon marry in the coming year. She seems to have no problem moving here and being nothing but a pretty face for the rest of her life.
“My darling! Isn’t Reicher just wonderful?” My mother says, interrupting my thoughts.
Yes. I sign, along with mouthing the words. I mouthe and only use simple words for them, who have only apathy for my condition.
“Oh I’m so glad! You can announce that you chose him anytime you wish! Oh my dear, Rhea is so beautiful, and you will finally know your better half!”
I force myself to nod, force myself to not protest, force myself to accept that they are making me carry the weight of the world on my shoulders. My father comes in and gives me the same speech about Heten. I was so sure. I was so positive about one of them, that the answer would come to me when I meet them, but now, I do not know what to do.
I go to my room, flopping on the bed. From the corner of my eye I see a little rip in my curtains that shield me from the outside world.
I walk downstairs to the dining room, and catch Peter out of the corner of my eye running to the dining hall, obviously late, hurriedly tying his tie. I smile widely in front of him. He stops, blushing in embarrassment, patting down his blond hair.
I hear my mother’s signature heels stepping down the hallways, and I gasp, pulling him with me behind a curtain. Our bodies press against each other, and I look up at him. He smiles, trying to hold back a laugh. The heels pass, and suddenly the window opens behind us, and we tumble to the ground. We share a look, both grateful we were on the first floor. He cracks up, and I laugh silently, my vocal chords not allowing sound out, so I just sign Fine, as I shake my hand, the word for laughter. A gust of wind swoops down on us, and we welcome the cool breeze. He gets up, offering me a hand, but I look at the window with sadness.
I don’t want to go inside either, he signs.
I look down.

Suddenly, I feel a tug of my arm, and I look up. Peter takes me my my hands, hoisting me up and pulling me away from the window. I smile widely, letting my feet break into a run and follow him. Hand in hand, we run across the bland palace backyard to the very corner. Behind all of the huge grey twisted plants and statues, he leads me to a large statue of the first king of Dione. As we run, he suddenly falls to the ground. He blushes fiercely.
I laugh and smile. Within such a short period of time, he has made me truly smile more than I have in my entire life. When I see him, I do not see a prince, only a fearless, yet goofy adventurer.
Fine! I sign, wiggling my hand.
He gets up, and we continue to run. He grins with temerity, climbing the statue, helping me up, until we reach a point where I can see over the huge wall protecting the palace from the outside. My eyes widen as he pulls himself to the shoulders of the statue, pulling himself onto the edge of the wall. He holds out his hands, his strength pulling me next to him. Our shoulders touch, and I can almost feel the energy connecting between us, each glowing strand slowly attaching, pulling us closer. My chest heaves from my nervousness and running so much.
He points to the horizon, and I gasp. There, in the distance, is Saturn. Against the flat horizon, there is nothing but wasteland and a few citylights in the distance; and Saturn, half of it peeking out, its huge rings waiting to be released. It is the only color I see besides my fiery hair, all the browns and yellows mushed together and the rings lightly singing to one another as they watch over their moons. The thousand times I have seen Saturn, it seems as if this is my first time. The huge wall almost seems to want to push me off of it. I wish I could just jump and run.
Have you ever been out there? I sign to him, pointing in the direction of the lights.
Yes.
What is it?
The city? You’ve never been?
I’ve never been outside
.
His eyes widen with question, yet understanding.
Tell me about it, I sign. He smiles, closing his eyes as if he is a man telling the story of how he met his soulmate. 
Hundreds of people line the streets, buying and selling from small, colorful carts. In the distance it is only grey, but here, they try to make it a little better. Colors are imported from Titan, and they decorate their houses and streets with it. They still wear the Dione clothing, but they are nothing like what they wear inside. It is a typical city, blossoming with new ideas and inventions. Every moon has a uniform, all of them some sort of grey and white and some sort of similar style. But everyone is different, and it just seems that they bring it to life.
I sigh, wondering if I will ever go. I have seen color before by the servants hiding it away, but I never thought there would be entire villages of it. Is there really that much more? Why have I been hidden from it?
That’s why I left. Every single moon kingdom is bland as their moon surface. It seems as if they do not want change. But the common people are the heart of these moons. Change is going to happen. That is why Titan is so special. Huge amounts of people flock in the streets, each one from a different moon, each one showing it by their clothing, yet changing it. Even the palace themselves are colorful. It is a moon of color, and how I wish I never had to leave. His hands move so fluidly and gracefully, his hands having emotion not even a face can match.
Then why did you leave?
My parents called me back to carry out what the moons planned. Either my twin brother or me must get married soon, and the first one will be the king of Pan.

Peter looks at me wistfully, wishing he could be there. He picks up his hands again. You are so easy to talk to. You are the first person who has listened to me, and appreciated what I have to say. Thank you.
He folds his hand into mine. His palm is so warm against my icy fingers. It is as if the only thing that exists at this moment is us and our intertwined hands. I look into his dark blue eyes, reminding me of the night. The night where the tsunts fly. He looks into mine, and I suddenly feel something deep inside of me for him. His hair swept so carelessly yet beautifully upon his face, the way his freckles line his nose and cheeks like stars, our hair blowing restlessly in the wind.

“Why must you always question everything? Missing your first dinner was already enough!”
There is color! I simply sign, while moving my mouth with it.
“Color is what Saturn despises! It is everything against our culture. The people are rebelling against their sacred beliefs! Titan is destroying us all! Who has told you this nonsense?”
I shake my head. Even Saturn itself is colorful!
She grunts in frustration and anger “I bet the boy of Pan did this to you! You must not give in to these foolish stories! You will be the Queen of Rhea! I assure you, Emmetyus, he will be gone by morning!”
My face turns to stone, and I storm out of the room, trying to expunge my mother’s shouts. What I would give to have a voice for a day.
I run up to my room, throw open the balcony doors, and stand on my toes, trying to look out above the wall.
My hair whips my face, but I don’t care. My red hair is flames eating me alive.
I want to scream, but nothing comes out. Before, I had never minded that my vocal chords prevented anything from coming out, but now, now all I want to do is scream. Scream at my mother, my father, everyone. I grab onto the railing, squeezing it with all my might. The tsunts fly over me, and I pretend to scream at them to take me away on their winged backs, take me away. Let me ride on the rings of Saturn with you. I grab the curtains of my room for stability and they rip right along my grip, letting me fall, the white fabric pooling at my feet. The wind fills my ears, trying to take my sense of hearing as well. I crawl up into a ball and let the rain of my eyes fall.

A knock echoes at my door.
“Emma!” my father’s voice.
I get up from my chair, and open the door, seeing my father and Heten there to greet me. I quickly smooth out my hair, looking at my father questioningly.
“I thought you and Heten could get to know each other a little better today!” So much for a equal chance for everyone, Dad. Heten smirks confidently.
Where? I sign.
“Just right here! Nothing fancy! Come on sweets, don’t be such a scrooge!” He coerces. Why here?
Heten strides right into my room, taking my father’s statement as permission to enter. I give my father a look and he smiles with one of those “Oh I’m so proud!” smiles, shutting the door behind him. I give Heten one of my fake smiles.
“You know, you’re pretty lucky to be alone with me. Every single girl of Tethys would die to be in your position.” I pretend smile again, knowing that he will be the only one communicating in this conversation.
“So like you’re mute?” It takes every ounce in me not to roll my eyes. I nod. “That’s cool,” he says. Oh my god. How long is this going to be?
He sits on my bed, motioning me to go next to him. I obey, knowing this will only go faster if I nod and smile. My simple grey dress lays nicely as I sit. He puts one hand behind him, leaning into it so he can face me.
“By Saturn, you are gorgeous. Heten is a great place you know, you will never be bored with me.” My programmed mouth’s corners lift.
My smile suddenly disappears as he pushes me back onto the bed, throwing himself on top of me, smushing his mouth into mine. My eyes widen in complete fear, a fear that I have never experienced in my life. I have never wanted a voice more. I try to control my hands, and desperately try to push him off of me, but it does nothing to even sway him. I try to move my head, but he only presses it further into my face. His hands start to wonder, and I frantically reach for a silver mirror on my bedside table. My muscles scream at me as I reach a little more, grab it, and swing it violently into his head. In his stunned moment, I throw him off of me, and I sprint out the door and into the hallway. I run down the hallways, trying desperately to get as far away from him as possible. He isn’t following me, but I run anyways. The taste of him reeks in my mouth and I can feel the red hand marks along my arms. The fear still pulses along my veins. My eyes turn blurry and the world starts to spin. I find my feet on the first floor, and I burst into the common room, unexpectedly finding the princes playing some sort of card game. Peter drops his cards, seeing the panicked look on my face and my crazy hair. The world turns black.

The wind beats on my smiling face. I look around, surrounded by color, surrounded by people of every moon and background. To my right, is a huge body of beautiful, clear, blue water. I jump into it, letting it surround me. As I submerge myself, huge glass homes surround me, with hundreds of new swimming colorful animals passing by. Long grey plants like the ones on land grow on the bottom and sway peacefully with the current. I swim into one house, letting the water filter out as the door shuts. I walk to the platform, and inside is Peter. I run to him, letting his arms enclose me as he points to all the new animals, telling me how they live and how each fin or scale on their body is related to their lifestyle. My hair and body is still damp, and I let it soothe my skin. The walls are glass on every side of me, new discoveries waiting for me. I look down, not to see my typical grey and white dresses, but a flowy thin fabric dress, every inch covered in motley colors, some I have never even seen before. Peter brushes my hair out of my eyes, and looks into them. I look into his big blue eyes that match the water behind him. Our eyes sparkle and the space between us closes.

I wake to a wet cloth on my forehead and seven faces hovering above me.
“Princess!” a nurse exclaims. “What happened?”
I try to move my hands, but it feels as if weights stop them. My head throbs.
“Do you need anything?”
I force my hand to lift and spell out out, P-E-T-E-R.
They run out, and soon, only Peter sits beside me.
“You should have seen the looks on the other’s faces when they said that you needed me.” I give him a small smile. I sit up, giving him room next to me. He climbs up, squeezing my hand warmly. He sits on my bed as someone who cares, and not as Heten. I rest my heavy head on his shoulders. For what seems like hours, we sit in silence. All I feel is his soft jacket against my face, his fingers gently stroking my hair. For a moment, I don’t feel so alone.
I finally look up at him. Will you take me to Titan? I sign. He looks at me, unknowing what to do. Run away with me. Please.
He nods, and I burry my face into his grey suit jacket.

“Emma!” My servant bursts into my room, yelling to me to come quickly. I run downstairs with her, and soon realize that we are running in the direction of the nurse quarters. My feet move faster. A nurse meets us at the door.
“My darling, unfortunately, Prince Peter is gravely injured. We found him bleeding in the common room. After he returned from visiting you, the other princes beat him. There isn’t much we can do to save him. He has requested you to be beside him,” she says, trying her best to appease me and keep herself under control. I feel my lip quivering as I enter the room.
His eyes find me, and he manages a small smile, reaching out his hand, signing E-M-E before his hands fall from weakness. I feel as if my feet and face freeze, my heart dropping as if a thousand weights pull it down. My feet allow me to go to him, and my fingers weave into his. I feel anger for myself, for calling him to me, for the princes who beat him out of jealousy, for my parents for letting me into the world just so I could stop him. Anger for Heten, who will surely be condoned for what he did for me. The chaos and rancor in my mind begs me to run away from the room, to go climb the statue and meet him at the wall, to see him next to me and rest my head on his steady shoulder.
He tries multiple times to get words out, finally saying, “Run away. Go to Titan. Don’t stop. Get into a water truck. Leave, and never look back. Find a woman with blue hair named Aque. She’ll help you. Don’t spend your life here caged up. Leave.” His words come out silently and harshly, his voice sandpaper against tile.
I shake my head. No. Show me all the beautiful things. Show me color. Tears form in my eyes.
“Go,” he pleads. I feel my nose clog, and I rest my head lightly onto his chest, his hands lightly stroking my hair. 
-------------------------------------------------
The next day, the nurse notified me that Peter had died. I pack a few things, let my hair loose, and leave the castle in the dead of night by hiding in a water trading ship going back to Titan. I hug my knees close to my chest, and listen to the quiet sounds of the light buzz of the motor and wind fitting to the bends of the ship. I hear the tsuns flying beside us.



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