Out of Body | Teen Ink

Out of Body

August 13, 2015
By Lilyw2015 BRONZE, Lantana, Texas
More by this author
Lilyw2015 BRONZE, Lantana, Texas
1 article 4 photos 4 comments

Author's note:

I hope people will understand from this that there are people out there who notice the good things you do that you don't even realize.

I,Jeff Walters, was born in 1951 on August 15th to Joe and Lucy Walters.  I grew up in the suburbs with a younger sister named Jennifer, everyone called her Jennie, who was 4 years younger than me. My dad always had a special connection with her, you could see it whenever he was around her. Jennie had all sorts of different problems. My mom told me ever since I was little that my dad died trying to save our sister from a car that ran them both over. When she told me, I cried and cried, but my mom just kept staring at the spot where his car used to be in the driveway. She got rid of all his things so she wouldn’t have to think of him anymore. Mom never talked about him or Jennie when I was a kid, she would change the subject if I ever brought it up. After a while I gave up. I was always good at school and loved talking to people. I hated injustice, and always rooted for the underdog. At school there was one kid named James Calager who everyone made fun of for being overweight, and never making more than a C on any test. He was never upset about it though, he always smiled and was kind to everyone even when they didn’t deserve his kindness. He became my best friend, and eventually he went on to own his own multi-million dollar company Calager’s. I discovered how much I loved law and got a scholarship to Harvard Law School. I later moved to North Carolina and met my wife Evelynn and we got married in 1975. We had a daughter that we named Jennifer Rose in 1989. I am now retired and living in North Carolina with some heart problems.

I wake up to find the sun peaking in through the window, and Evelynn still asleep next to me. I quietly get up and slowly walk into the kitchen. I get my coffee mug out from the cabinet and start a pot of coffee. I sit down and read todays section of the newspaper. “Real Estate Company Fraud-Investors Left Homeless”
“Well isn’t that ironic.” I say to myself quietly. I get absorbed in the various articles, but after a while my mind starts to drift off to my daughter and her husband, and them being settled into their new apartment in New York. I realize I haven’t had my coffee yet so I scoot my chair out, and walk over to the coffee pot and grunt. It’s hard being old and shrively. I feel like a broken toy that’s just been played with too much and needs to be put up on the shelf out of reach. I pour my cup of coffee and and walk back over to my chair and sit down. I sip my coffee and force my mind into territory it doesn’t want to enter. I start thinking about how my mother is getting old and weary with no one to take care of her. I don’t really have anyone left in my life except my wife, and my daughter is out in her own world and doesn’t need me to take care of her anymore. I miss the days when she would need me to hold her when she was tired and afraid, as much as I love that she is happy and independent. I hear a sound in our room and assume it’s either our maid Rayna coming in early, or Evelynn waking up.
“Jeff, Jeff?” I hear my wife say anxiously, and wonder why she sounds so scared.
“I’m coming, I was just drinking my coffee.” I say, and walk into the room aghast, as I see myself, my own body, lying on my bed, still.
“What in the world! Evelynn, Evelynn! Why can’t you hear me? Evelynn!” I shout in confusion and dismay. It’s as if she can’t hear or see me.
“Reyna! He isn’t moving, Reyna what do I do?”  She shouts.
“Did you check his pulse, he’s probably still asleep.” Reyna says wearily. She walks over next to my body on the bed and then exclaims,
“Oh my goodness! You’re right, he’s had a heart attack-we need to get him to the hospital right away.” I look over and see Evelynn grab the phone and dial 911. She gets them on the phone and tells them to send an ambulance over immediately. She puts down the phone and starts sobbing into her hands. The ambulance gets here and they come in and check the pulse of the body on the bed. They tell her what she already knew- I was dead. Evelynn calls Jennifer Rose and my mom and tell her that I’m dead. I don’t understand, how am I dead if I’m here. How can I still think? How can I still see things and pick things up. Suddenly I get an idea. I grab Evelynn’s jar of perfume and hurl it across the room. No one sees or hears it smash onto the floor. And I look at where the bottle of perfume used to be, and another one just like it appears where it was. The bottle of perfume I threw across the room is still smashed on the floor though. I grab the bottle and throw it again. It appears again, and that’s when a tall, professional looking man enters the room. He says to one of the paramedics “What was that noise?”
They look at him like he’s a confused puppy, “Ben, are you seeing things again? Maybe you need to go back.” He looks across the room and sees the body, now on a stretcher, and then he turns around to face me.
“Is that your twin or something?” He asks. I am so bewildered I don’t even speak. I just look at him and gasp. Evelynn looks at him and says, “Who are you, and what are you saying?”
“That man,” he points to me, “Is he the brother of that guy on the stretcher?”
“What are you talking about?” Evelynn says in anger “If you are trying to joke around right now than I am not in the mood for it. There is no one over there!” He just stares at her aghast. He keeps looking at me and finally replies slowly,
“Nevermind, I see what you mean,” and motions at me discreetly to follow him. I’m so confused at this point I’m not sure what to do, so I follow him into the front yard. He looks at me and I say quietly “Do you know what’s going on? How can you see me if no one else can?” He hesitates and says, “Do you know who Benjamin Garfields is?”
“Yes, everyone knows Benjamin Garfields the guy who starred on that TV show. You’re Benjamin Garfields aren’t you?” I say, and realize how crazy it is that no one can see me except this famous rich guy.
“Well the same thing happened to me, except it wasn’t to Benjamin Garfields, it was to Jerome Phillips. I was a different person in the 1800’s. I had a great life, and loved my family, I was the least selfish person you ever would meet. Now I’m just a movie star who cares only for himself and his money. I had my five last days of being Jerome Phillips, and then I was born again as Benjamin.”
“ I don’t believe you, I bet I’m being filmed for some crazy reality TV show about some wacky guy who thinks he’s dead. Like-like The Truman Show, but I’m not falling for it! Not me!” I say, and realize what this is. It doesn’t make sense, so therefore it can’t be real. Benjamin just shrugs and walks away. I watch him get in his car and drive away, waiting for him to come back and tell me I’m right-that this is all a joke. But he doesn’t come back, so now more confused than ever I go back inside. All the paramedics have left, taking my body with them. Evelynn is sitting on our bed staring at her reflection in the mirror. Suddenly the doorbell rings. Evelynn goes to the door and it’s Jennifer Rose. Beautiful, sweet Jennifer Rose. She is an absolute look-alike of her mother, bluish-green eyes and golden hair. They both have tear-streaks through their makeup and then embrace for a while, both crying into eachother’s shoulder. They were always very close and loved spending time together. Jennifer Rose says,
“There’s something I really need to tell you but it isn’t the right time so I will tell you after the funeral.” Evelynn nods understandingly and they go sit down at the kitchen table, and follow them into the kitchen. After a long silence Evelynn sighs and says “We need to start planning the funeral.”
“I know, we do, it’s just not something I want to think about doing. Much less do.” Jennifer Rose says. They say goodnight and decide to plan it tomorrow, then go to bed. I sit at the kitchen table the rest of the night, not ever feeling the need to sleep.

 The next morning they sit together and plan my funeral. Everything from the flowers to the obituary format. It’s the strangest thing you would ever see to watch two people plan your funeral.
That afternoon after they have properly arranged everything, Evelynn checks her Facebook account (Which I call T.M.I.-Time Waste Incorporated, to Evelynn’s agony). Her eyes go wide as she rereads her post saying,
  “I feel very upset right now. I’m sure he’s in a better place now, but I just want to die. I would do anything to be with him.” There are 574 comments and 34 private messages. I couldn’t believe it. I was absolutely astounded by what they said, Evelynn read them out loud.
“We love you Jeff, wherever you are you should know how many lives you’ve touched...Why do the worst things happen to the most amazing people, I love you buddy… Evelynn stay strong. We are all here for you, you can get through this. I love you more than I can say.” There were so many. From people that I knew all my life and people who I couldn’t even fathom why they cared about me. She started tearing up, and went to her room and shut the door.
Then I was alone in the kitchen with the computer. I decided to look up Benjamin Garfields, and I am surprised that when I do, I also find the name Jerome Phillips with it. He has written essays about this man, his life, and his family. I need to contact him and figure out more about what’s going on. I look up his email address and send him an email asking if I can see him again. I sit there for the rest of the night waiting for a response back, but it never comes.
The next day all of my family comes over. My mother Lucy, my uncle and aunt, and my cousin Bert. Everyone seemed sad, but I’m not sure why any of them would be except Evelynn, Jennifer, and Mom. I had only met my aunt and uncle a few times, and immediately didn’t like their snobbish, piggy ways. Bert had gone into my room and made fun of the train set I built , and teased me because I was small for my age. I told him “I’d rather be small and kind, than a piggy brat.” Then he told his mom and dad I was mean and I had to apologize. Mom and I always made fun of them later though. He also said at Thanksgiving that I was “Too dumb to ever amount to anything other than working at a soda fountain.” I wish I could have made my own guestlist to the funeral because they certainly wouldn’t have been on it.

The funeral home was just a five minute walk from my house so they walked there and I followed behind. We got there and everything was being set up, so Evelynn and Jennifer Rose started helping out. Soon all the guests are here and everyone has filed into their seat. I’m not really sure where to go at this point so I just go and sit down in the back to watch Jennifer Rose and Evelynn give there speech about me. Evelynn walks up to the front and starts by saying,
“Jeff was the love of my life. I still can’t believe he isn’t here. I feel like part of me is just gone, and there isn’t anything there. It feels like something is missing and I don’t know what I am going to do without it. He was the kind of person everyone wanted to be around. People looked up to him and he didn’t know it. Jeff could have been a great leader. He was so loved and respected by everyone he met. He was an amazing husband and father. I love you Jeff.” she finishes and walks back to her seat. The room is filled with sniffles and cries. I don’t understand why all these people are so upset about me leaving. I feel like I should be sad too, but it doesn’t seem real yet. Then Jennifer Rose goes up and says,
“Dad was a person I could always really count on. He was always there for me when I was little, and would help me with anything I ever needed. He did my homework with me, and took me on bike rides. But when I got older I didn’t want his help. I felt like he was treating me like a baby who couldn’t do anything on their own. So I started closing him out, in college he would call all the time to see how I was doing, and I would ignore the calls. I don’t know why… I think each time he called and I didn’t answer I felt worse about myself. I was ashamed to call him back and tell him how wrong it was to treat him like that. I didn’t call him,” she puts her hand over her head and cries for a second “I never. Never called him back.” and then she gets off too. I can’t believe this is going on. I never thought of it like that. I thought she was just busy, I wish I had known how much sadness she had because of that. Then Bert goes up. I’m not looking forward to this. I bet he’s going to mention how dumb I am.
“I wasn’t around Jeff that much. I wish I could have been around him more. He was one of the most influential people I have ever met. I was always such a jerk to him as a kid. I was so jealous of him. I said the meanest things to him. Right after I said them I had no idea why I did. I hope I’m not a person he remembers as awful, If I were him I would. But I know Jeff was the most kind and forgiving person. If anyone would forgive me for the things I said, it would be him.” He walks back to his seat slowly. I am stunned, I can’t believe he was jealous of me. Everyone starts to file out to go get refreshments, and I am about to follow when a man walks on stage. He looks eerily familiar, and I get a feeling of deja vous. He shouts,
“Wait! Wait! I have something I need to say, to-to confess! Please everyone listen to me!” And everyone turns around and goes dead silent.
“I’m Jeff’s Dad. Most of you probably were told I was dead saving my daughter, but that’s a lie. It’s a lie that Lucy my ex-wife made up to protect Jeff. I was an awful husband, and an awful dad to Jeff. I was the opposite of everything that he turned into. He probably remembered me as being good because of Lucy. I was always angry at him for everything, and was really just a monster. With Jennie I had a second chance to be a good dad. But I was a coward, I couldn’t make things right with Lucy or with Jeff so I took the easy way out and ran away. I got all my stuff packed into my car, wrote a note to Lucy telling her what I wanted her to say if anyone ever asked, then I got Jennie and left. I didn’t have a phone and had no way to contact her again, so she never knew where I went. Jennie got very sick a few weeks later. She died in my arms, there was nothing anyone could do. I am a horrible person, and never got to come out to Jeff. I never chose to, I could if I wanted but I didn’t. I wasn’t brave and I didn’t. But I can’t go back and tell him as much as I wish I did. I’m telling all of you though, so you won’t have to believe the lie Lucy was kind enough to give.” and he walked down and leaves the room. Everyone is stunned. Especially Lucy-she just stands there looking at the door he left through. After that everyone stood around awkwardly having refreshments and talking very little. They are probably all thinking it is the most dramatic funeral they have ever been to. The guests leave and Lucy, Jennifer Rose, and Evelynn clean up. Then they leave too, to go back home, and I follow. We get back and everyone goes to there rooms except Evelynn. She sits in her favorite lounge chair. She wrinkles her face up like she always does when she is worried and says out loud,
“Jeff, I don’t know where you are or why you are gone, but I know part of you is still here. Part of you is still sitting in this room, in love with me. I know you are here to protect me and care about me,” then she looks right over at where I am. Then the doorbell rings, Evelynn doesn’t answer it, and instead just looks right at me. The door opens and closes and Ben walks in. Evelynn stands up and starts asking him how he got in the house, and he says he can explain. But before I can hear their conversation, a feeling of contentment washes over me. I feel more content than I’ve ever felt in my whole life. And now, I feel myself rising into the air and slowly fading away, gone.
 



Similar books


JOIN THE DISCUSSION

This book has 0 comments.