Code: Beyond the Screen | Teen Ink

Code: Beyond the Screen

November 29, 2014
By Jtatsu PLATINUM, East Brunswick, New Jersey
Jtatsu PLATINUM, East Brunswick, New Jersey
26 articles 0 photos 77 comments


 I was pulled from multiple strings of code to create a body that is more durable than steel, a storyline more interesting than anything in the “real world,” and an amazing set of powers and skills that would leave the mightiest kings and world leaders awestruck; except, all the avatars are like that. And so all this blather about being the very best and standing for justice and freedom and peace is a lie.

Janice R.

Code: Beyond the Screen

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This book has 31 comments.

on Feb. 26 2015 at 6:50 pm
Jtatsu PLATINUM, East Brunswick, New Jersey
26 articles 0 photos 77 comments
Thank you for giving me honest feedback. I really do appreciate all the effort people take to write me reviews of my story, because it shows they care about my growth as a writer ^^ Where do you believe there is purple prose? I will do the best I can to improve

on Feb. 26 2015 at 1:30 pm
Allen. PLATINUM, Palo Alto, California
32 articles 9 photos 525 comments

Favorite Quote:
[i]No matter how much people try to put you down or make you think other things about yourself, the only person you can trust about who you really are is you[/i] -Crusher-P

I'm going to do my best to tell you how good this is, because even though it's not my personal cup of tea, it's obvious you're a very talented writer. You show rather than tell, you're very descriptive, and you have a good deal of suspense as well. The one thing I would suggest is writing perhaps less purple prose, but then again, it could just be me.

Hetzer BRONZE said...
on Feb. 23 2015 at 12:57 pm
Hetzer BRONZE, Savage, Minnesota
1 article 0 photos 6 comments
A very interesting and original take on MMO characters. I'm not gonna lie, at first I thought this would be some kind of SAO clone, like I've been seeing literally everywhere, but I was pleasantly surprised to find something I could find myself getting into with ease. Keep updating this, I believe it has potential.

on Feb. 22 2015 at 2:23 am
CaseyChickenWang SILVER, McDonough,
7 articles 2 photos 89 comments

Favorite Quote:
"No one likes half-jinglers! Jingle all the way!" - Shelley McNeight
"You don't get what you deserve, you get what you negotiate." - GSUMUN

Dude, I loves this! It's so captivating and original. The biggest problem I see in teen writing is that they have a great plot that lacks detail but you don't seem to have that problem at all! I do agree with @CNBono17's comment on your characterization though. But other than that, this is an amazing piece of work and I hope you write more!

-L.k.R- said...
on Feb. 7 2015 at 7:07 am
-L.k.R-, Epinay Sur Seine, Other
0 articles 1 photo 9 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To know, is to know is that you know nothing. That is the meaning of true knowledge." By Socrates.

Dear, @Jtatsu Despite all of what I've said, this story is beautifully written. I loved it. As in a matter of fact, I'm excited and anticipating the other chapters release. Again, cheering for you louder as I can. Peace.

on Jan. 29 2015 at 2:31 pm
Jtatsu PLATINUM, East Brunswick, New Jersey
26 articles 0 photos 77 comments
@MalaikaJ Thank you! I really enjoyed reading your work, so I am glad my work has pleased my readers.

MalaikaJ GOLD said...
on Jan. 29 2015 at 9:20 am
MalaikaJ GOLD, Cloquet, Minnesota
19 articles 2 photos 127 comments

Favorite Quote:
I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human emotions. - James Michener

This is really interesting and unique! I would love to read the rest of the story. You could expand the beginning, it would be great to learn more about the game-world. In the beginning, she was worried about tormentors coming into her room, but you never really tied that in. Those are just a few pointers, but it is already amazing! Great job!

on Dec. 8 2014 at 8:16 am
Extraterrestrial SILVER, Singapore, Other
9 articles 4 photos 66 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do what I do. Hold tight and pretend it's a plan!"

Hi! This was something I thoroughly enjoyed; your story is original, creative, and a nice blend of fantasy and reality. It's a fresh take on the video-game formula, and it's so relatable to your readers. As an FPS and occasional RPG player, your story provides an interesting what-if scenario. (Although fortunately, it's only a what-if scenario. It's not real. Right? ...Right?) Anyway, I was pulled in by the very first chapter by your vivid use of imagery and description. Love the way you slowly introduced the foreign concept of future gaming to us, and your writing style is great as well. Also love the amount of thought and detail you put into your story. Code/Martha's internal turmoil is interesting to read. However, like the other reviewers stated, more details on Code/Martha's life would have been appreciated. I also think you could develop a little bit more on the trial, as the Gamemaster's change of mind comes off as rather abrupt. Besides that, lovely story. Great job!

on Dec. 6 2014 at 7:29 pm
Olivia-Atlet ELITE, Dardenne Prairie, Missouri
324 articles 10 photos 1166 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To these the past hath its phantoms,
More real than solid earth;
And to these death does not mean decay,
But only another birth"
- Isabella Banks

Really great imaginary, and interesting story line! The whole gamemasters and id thing reminded me of an anime called SAO, which made me enjoy this piece so much more :) Your voice in this writing is quite profound, and I enjoyed this piece very much! ^_^ You should continue your writing, it is so wonderful :) 5 Stars!

on Dec. 4 2014 at 5:43 pm
Jtatsu PLATINUM, East Brunswick, New Jersey
26 articles 0 photos 77 comments
Thank you! I'm happy I was able to create an enjoyable piece of writing for the first time :)

on Dec. 4 2014 at 9:41 am
CNBono17 SILVER, Rural, South Carolina
5 articles 0 photos 250 comments

Favorite Quote:
Lego ergo sum (Latin—I read, therefore, I am)
The pen is mightier than the sword—unknown
Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, and in purity—1 Timothy 4:12

Wow. This has an originality rarely seen in a piece of writing. I would have liked a little more detail about what Code (Martha?) does on a daily basis--who she fights, what her player does with her, what her story is in the game, etc--but that's my only issue. You did a fantastic job with this, and it's a great debut:) Keep up the good work; you've got the imagination for it!

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