Heartless Love | Teen Ink

Heartless Love

May 4, 2013
By Ambreyes BRONZE, philadelphia, Pennsylvania
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Ambreyes BRONZE, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
4 articles 29 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
To know me is to love me.


So this is how it all goes. As I’m sitting on this cold grass feeling the warmth of the sun upon my skin. I can’t help but think about this curse I have been so carefully hand picked to have this goes back to the first time I was old enough to date with my mom’s permission. But back then I didn’t realize that some day I would become a monster who could have predicted this life I would have to go on with. I'm a blood thirsty heart eating man killer.
Whenever I become one with another in the end after I confess my love for the guy I rip their hearts out without meaning to hurt them. I never thought I would do it but I must live with this dark loveless curse. No one really knows why, or how I have come to be this nightmare. I’m a beautiful girl with the darkest secret there could possibly be. I’m a man killer without the power to even stop I feel like the most hideous creature there was ever created.
My heart is in the right place with all of the best intentions, what else could there be. It gets lonely, dark and depressing being alone and always being afraid of being the reason why the ones I love die without deserving it. Little by little I die inside knowing that I could truly never be with someone. No one knows how it really is to be the one who takes what’s left of a guy and to be left standing alone. Then after a few years of being the victim I start to have dreams about someone saving me from this hell hole.

But in my dreams I never see that person who becomes my hero, so I wish upon the million stars there is in the sky to hopefully find my salvation. This whole time I thought I was completely broken from being a thief by stealing peoples hearts but really I was only bent. All I need is a reason just a little bit is enough for me to go forward and have my fantasies become reality and in some weird way as I start my day it feels like it was meant for something. As I’m heading back home I feel like I have been hit in the chest and I’m in horrifying pain, my knees hit the ground. Am I dying right here in the middle of the street? I’m freaking out crying in fear and confusion.
Suddenly for just a beat I thought is this the time for me to be taken to whatever is in store for me? Will I finally be freed from this curse?. I start to pass out from all the heart wrenching pain and as I'm all focused on that pain I never even notice that “something” from inside of me comes out of my chest with sparks flying on out and grows life. Then I notice a figure with what it seems like wings behind him running up to me? I blanked out unaware of being alive or dead. Who cares! I was finally at peace and surprisingly light. My ears start to pick up on a guy sweetly whisper to me then I start to open my eyes slowly my vision is blurry and my eyes burn like they're on fire.
I end up closing my eyes again to try and regain my sight, after the third attempt I’m able to see clearly. I see this guy standing by me looking at me with concern. He looks so heavenly and perfect I scan the area I'm at it turns out to be my house and I couldn’t help but notice this reddish fluffy looking type of wings I think? I second guessed myself. As I’m gaining my strength back I try to get up but its like every move I make is in slow motion he comes closer to me and lends me his hands helping me get up. I fall right into his arms my hands gripping onto something so soft and amazingly I have confirmed my doubts if I seen wings on him or not.
They were his wings he kind of twitched so I pulled back a bit and asked who are you? And why does it feel like we have a connection? He answers me back and says well to answer your questions I am a creation of you and soon enough you will find all your answers. I’m in a trance that I just can’t snap out of as creepy as it sounds. I came to my senses and I walk to my door so I can give him the hint that it's time to go but as we're walking to the door it's like there's some force that is blocking him from leaving. Without a question I give up and tell him if he has no place to go and since I don’t know him at all he can stay the night in my shed out back. I take a shower and go straight to bed, meanwhile he is sleeping in my shed outside but I find myself so strongly pulled to him I fight the urge as best as I can try.
I manage to fall asleep and somehow he came into my dream the guy in there felt like him but there was no way I could be sure, I can't do anything without him taking over my thoughts. By the time morning comes i let him inside for the day, I go up to get ready as I come back downstairs I find myself surrounded by flowers and breakfast the sweet aroma of crispy bacon and sweet smelling flowers fill my nose and I can’t help but feel kind of overwhelmed. I know this might sound so dumb and cheesy but I feel such a connection to this guy and I have no idea what his name is. Then he walks into the kitchen looking so elegant and “godlike” his eyes have me trapped in every gaze I notice he has one green eye and one brown eye, how didn’t I notice that before? I could just melt in his arms(sigh).

I try to change my thoughts my eyes are scanning him and Bam! It hits me I know where I have seen him before he has been the one that I have been dreaming about this whole time, I don’t want to get my hopes up thinking that maybe even the slightest chance my wish could be answered.

I try to change my thoughts again and for some reason my eyes wander off to his wings, what's wrong with me? Staring at his godly wings. All of a sudden I feel my eyes being pulled to look at his and then he says so sweetly don’t worry I don’t mind the looks, and to make you feel better about not knowing my name its Zachary he holds his hand out to me I put my hand out he kisses it. I say hi, i’m Juneast nice to meet you. He kisses my hand again then says the pleasure is mine he sits down at the table with me and we eat while we talk. I ask a few questions he hesitates to answer most of them, then says all in good time my darling little love bug his last words to me was “every bad story has a happy ending”.
I finish eating then I get right to washing the dishes but just the thought of leaving him here alone gives me a pain in my chest. I make it a few blocks away from my house when I get those horrible pains again my heart is in so much pain. What the hell is this? Something must be wrong with me, I can feel it. I make my way to some steps then I feel a gentle touch on my back shoulder and there it was again that ease/ safe feeling. Right there I realized that every time I was away from Zachary or even the thought brought me agonizing pain but once he came around me I was perfectly fine.

I try to change my thoughts my eyes are scanning him and Bam! It hits me I know where I have seen him before he has been the one that I have been dreaming about this whole time, I don’t want to get my hopes up thinking that maybe even the slightest chance my wish could be answered.

I try to change my thoughts again and for some reason my eyes wander off to his wings, what's wrong with me? Staring at his godly wings. All of a sudden I feel my eyes being pulled to look at his and then he says so sweetly don’t worry I don’t mind the looks, and to make you feel better about not knowing my name its Zachary he holds his hand out to me I put my hand out he kisses it. I say hi, i’m Juneast nice to meet you. He kisses my hand again then says the pleasure is mine he sits down at the table with me and we eat while we talk. I ask a few questions he hesitates to answer most of them, then says all in good time my darling little love bug his last words to me was “every bad story has a happy ending”.
I finish eating then I get right to washing the dishes but just the thought of leaving him here alone gives me a pain in my chest. I make it a few blocks away from my house when I get those horrible pains again my heart is in so much pain. What the hell is this? Something must be wrong with me, I can feel it. I make my way to some steps then I feel a gentle touch on my back shoulder and there it was again that ease/ safe feeling. Right there I realized that every time I was away from Zachary or even the thought brought me agonizing pain but once he came around me I was perfectly fine.

You see your curse was made with one little detail that no one really knew about and that is every time you take a heart a piece of yours goes along with it. That's making me, so I am every part of those guys you loved with you added in it. Also that’s explains why my wings are made out of blood red hearts with traces of white scattered on them, thus making me your “cure” or as you call It your salvation. I was sent by your past so that you can have a future and a present with something that came from your very being. When you had the pain for the first time that night that was your heart getting rid of those guys hearts coming together making me come out of your chest.
By the looks of it you were in need of some help by the way your health is starting to affect you now without you really knowing it. You will never be cured of the curse you have but at least you will have me to relieve that for you and you won’t have to go through the whole killing guys' part that you die over. Well that’s if you are willing to keep me in your life so that I can protect you? He stops talking so I can put a word in but everything he had just said is a lot for me to process. I mean I couldn’t even make my body function right I had so much drool built up in my mouth because my body was numb for a whole ten seconds.

I get my body and my brain back on track while my mind replays everything he said like a tape recorder. Oh my this sounds far fetched but not so far fetch if you know what I mean. What he said kind of makes sense with how I been feeling and he knew everything about my curse without me telling him a word. By the end of the day I have come to the conclusion that what he told me must be true why make up such a story? Right? I tell Zachary that if he wanted he could rent out my shed for the time being so that I can figure things out and I can have him close at hand at the same time.

Day’s start to go by I find myself getting close with Zachary as we get to know each other a bit better and outrageously for a guy that came from inside me he has his own stories to tell about his own life. How is that possible? I don’t really know how it all works so I’m still learning something new every day. Then I go thinking again and something popped up I haven’t explored everything life has to offer. I still didn’t know if I was curious enough to try other things maybe even date someone other than the opposite sex? I’m stuck on the thought of possibly talking to a girl or dating either or I never tried it before and I ended up hyping myself up for the whole thing.
I talk to the only friend I have about how I want to explore my sexuality and she helps me out by taking me to gay clubs and introducing me to her friends. After the second week of going out and searching I have finally met someone named Emi who was gorgeous and was really drawn to me. We exchanged numbers, hung out a lot, went on a few dates and a month or so later she decides it’s time to move up a bit and sleep over my place. While all of this goes on Zachary is still in my life but I gave him the tools to improve his life and everything was put on hold. Everything for Emi and I seems to be going very well, but so far things feel different with her I hope that doesn’t change.
Months go by like nothing as my love for Emi grows stronger by time. I’m starting to really love her but I’m terrified to confess my feelings to her what am I to do? I hold off on telling Emi that I love her so dearly while on the other hand it turns out she couldn’t repress her own feelings towards me. It’s a clear warm but breezy summer night, we're having a romantic dinner in my dinning room, it’s our one year anniversary and it's everything I could ever imagine or dream of. It’s a fairytale come true well for me it is but I’m pretty sure that it’s the same for her. Dinner is over we make our way to my bedroom she covers my eyes to surprise me my eyes are closed, I smell a mixture of candles and her sweet perfume, my heart is pounding but in a good way, I make sure I take small steps to be careful I don’t trip and she uncovers my eyes.

My bedroom looks like a romantic clip from a movie she holds onto me, puts her arms around me and says “baby I love you” my eyes fill up with tears I can't help it I'm just so breath taken. I swing her around to face me our eyes sparkling and our hands are clenched into each others. Then I gather the courage up to face reality I tell her Emi I have been wanting to tell you how I felt for the longest but I was to frighten to say anything because of my dark past. My mouth starts to form the words I’m trying to say but all the words just blurt out saying “I love you too” so fast i’m not sure if she caught a word I said. Before she gets to react or say something back all the lights go out and something hits us both that makes us fly across the room hitting the walls.
The lights flicker as I regain consciousness I bolt up so fast that I get dizzy and tunnel vision I look across the room seeing her laying flat on my bed. I run to her, pulling her body onto my lap with my eyes so blurry from all the tears. I check for her pulse but I can’t find it I’m screaming out “NOT AGAIN NO PLEASE!!!” I didn’t even say it first my world is dead and my life is over now this is the last straw. I gave my everything and put all my effort into this relationship because I felt with every fiber in my body that this time was going to be special how could I be so stupid to think such a thing? If my past relationships didn’t work back then, then why should I think that this time was going to be any different.
I end up falling asleep holding her body from all that crying I did, without knowing it and when I wake up my arms are completely empty. Where did she go? What happened? But more importantly my heart ache wasn’t that bad to handle. Zachary walks into my room explaining it to me like he knew what I was thinking he says that Emi’s body was taken to a safe place where I didn’t have to worry, that the reasons why our relationship lasted so long was because it was kind of a test for me, but he didn’t tell me what kind of test and that he felt my pain so he had to step in and take most of the burden off my shoulders. He goes into detail that since he came from my heart he will always be connected to me no matter what. All the pain slowly goes away but our memory will never fade I will never let it get lost as time goes by.

I’m laying in my bed being very dramatic about the whole thing. Zachary lays on my floor beside me just trying to be there for me the best he can when he finally says something ok Juneast, I didn’t want things to get this bad it breaks my heart to see you suffer like this. Silence fills the air while he clears his throat and begins to talk again there is a twist to all of this that I hoped it would never have to be used. But I guess it’s not my choice to make now is it? You see if you want this curse to finally end you must give your heart up to me so I can add it into mines but you won’t die though trust me, after I claim your heart you won’t have a worry in the world and your mind, body will be at peace like you’ve always wanted.
I am your only choice for happiness my love but the choice is yours to make either you live life like this forever until you die from a broken heart, or you give up your heart to me to have something good which I personally think is ironic if you think about it. I tell him to let me sleep on it until then I wanted him to sleep next me so while I make my decision I wouldn’t be alone. I feel the suns rays creep up on my face and well what do you know its already morning feels like I slept for only two seconds. I wash myself up so does Zachary and I sit him down on my bed to tell him that I made my mind up and I wanted to go to the one place I loved to be at. We make it to this big meadow filled with tons of plants and weeping willow trees its so peaceful here. As were sitting under a tree I tell him that I have decided that I want to give my heart up to him right here in the middle of my little heaven I called it.
He looks at me with the cutest sad face ever asking if I was sure that this is what I really wanted without a second thought I reply yes if I want to be free finally I want it to happen right here. He holds my body close to his I close my eyes, take a deep breath let it out and he kisses my lips so gently my whole body goes numb. There’s this reddish/ blue mist flowing between our bodies then it looks like mini fireworks coming out and my heart flutters on out my chest transferring over to his chest. The moment is so heavenly to me the kiss ends and he looks at me I feel like a brand new person all my worries, my pain and darkness is forever gone. Watching a dozen of butterflies flutter by us seals the deal for me even a rainbow form’s right above us.
I focus back on Zachary and his wings go from being made out of every guys hearts blood red to pure white in a blink of an eye how astonishing. He says juneast you set us both free while his wings spread out wrapping around me and we disappear off into the sky..
“Remember every bad story has a happy ending”… We love LGBT
The End..



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